Do I initiate "the talk"?

[brook7lyn]

So...I've posted my story in here awhile ago - here's the link for more details:

 

and gotten great feedback, thus far! Thanks!

 

And thingsw seem to be progressing nicely - we've met each other's parents, we talk all the time, we try to see each other whenever possible, he even stayed over my house (and I live at home with my parents) last weekend - which is HUGE considering the circumstances (we are both pretty traditional and conservative), we are planning a night in NYC together, we are very open with each other about wanting marriage/family etc. in the future and looking for it now...

 

...but we haven't had "the talk" we don't call each other boyfriend/girlfriend...I mean, even when we talk to each other he'll often say he's "single" or he'll clarify and say "well not married"...but he won't say he's taken. (Of course, I wouldn't either casue I don't know where we stand).

 

Anyway, he tends to throw the "L" word aroudn a lot - and I'm sure it's more as a friend than anything. For instance, yesterday he asked me to do a favor for him and his reasoning was cause "I love him and he loves me". I shrug it off at this point cause I'm used to hearing him say it...w/out reading into it.

So last night he was making fun of me and gave me a silly nickname - I didn't care, it was funny. So he asked me to send him an email, which I did and jokinly I signed it "Love, the nickname" with a smiley w/ the tongue sticking out. clearly it was a joke.

 

well he called and the first thing he said is "love, X" " what is this love stuff? I don't think we're there yet?!" I just stayed silent...like really, you don't hear me * * * * * when you say it. So, then he laughs and goes "clearly I am kidding, we obviously love each other on a friend level".

 

hmmm....okay, yes we do, I knwo we do. But, we are also hooking up and dating...so...maybe that's a hint that we should STOP USING THAT WORD UNLESS WE MEAN IT?!

 

I'm just confused - should I just flat out ask him what's up?!

[Hope75]

I'm just confused - should I just flat out ask him what's up?!

 

Yes- I would. Dancing all around and trying to interpret what he's thinking isn't getting you anywhere.

 

I would just say something along the lines of:

 

"Look, I care about you a lot and I enjoy being with you. I'm getting the feeling that what we have is getting a bit more serious and I'd like to know where you stand. Are we exclusive? Are you my boyfriend? Am I your girlfriend? I'd like to know because that's how it feels to me."

 

See what he says.

[Russ]

Yes- I would. Dancing all around and trying to interpret what he's thinking isn't getting you anywhere.

 

I would just say something along the lines of:

 

"Look, I care about you a lot and I enjoy being with you. I'm getting the feeling that what we have is getting a bit more serious and I'd like to know where you stand. Are we exclusive? Are you my boyfriend? Am I your girlfriend? I'd like to know because that's how it feels to me."

 

See what he says.

 

Wow, can I get a male version of that?

[Hope75]

Wow, can I get a male version of that?

 

LOL, sure just switch the genders around. Sticking to "I feel" and "I think" statements vs. "you don't" or "you never" statements are more likely to get a positive response vs. putting the person on the defense.

 

Just be honest.

[lady00]

I'm with Annie. Ask him about it. Maybe he's made the mistake of assuming that you know where he stands...sometimes in relationships one person will just do that without consulting with the other person. It might just be as simple as you asking and him saying "of course you're my gf, silly!" But it's good to know for sure. Enough has happened and enough time has passed for you to ask. If he's throwing around the L-bomb, it's time to figure out where you two stand.

[brook7lyn]

So...update: before I got a chance to initiate the "talk" my ex found out me and his friend were dating...and it didn't go well.

He got pissed at his friend for dating me told him he couldn't eve be friends with me let alone date me. And my ex told my new guy that he'd lose all his friends if he continued. my new guy continued to date me anyway he told me he didnt want to stop but he was obvi torn by what to do after all we'd only been together a few mnths and hes been friends with my ex for 10yrs.

So, basically, things grew stressful and I asked my new guy to come over so I could talk to him. He obliged and we hugn out for a few hours one afternoon. I basically just told him that I cared about him and I do want him in my life and I want a fair chance. That was it - short to the point, not overly mushy (after all we've only been dating for a few months). He seemed relieved and happy that that's what I said and actually started aclling me more and more once we talked.

Then, out of nowhere, he disappeared?! I know he said my ex still won't call him back much or email him back - so I'm sure that's bothering him. But i'm livid that he just fell off the face of the earth. I mean he has a totally legit excuse right now!? All he has to do is tell me he can't date me cause of my ex and I will understand - I've told him I'd undertsnad and respect his decision - not much I can do about it?! so why leave me hanging?

Well, he finally left me a msg this past wk asking how things r and sayin hed luv 2 talk 2 me. I tried returning his call but he wasnt there and hasnt called back. ? I assume hes decided to end things by just not returning my call - but why not at least show me the respect of telling me this? esp. when we have gone thru this whole thing together thus far - talking about how to deal with the ex, when best to tell him, etc....and now? what?!

obviously, I've chosen to just end it from my side - no more calls/emails/texts. nothing. But, I really hate that things have to be this way - people should at least have the courtesy to be upfront...even in a stupid email at the least.

Some people thing he's just still not made up his mind...i'm just lost. He did nothing but treat me like gold for the past few months, I can't believe he'd ruin the friendship we've had for the past 2 years and the dating relationship we've just started this way?!

what is going on?!