thinking of leaveing

[muichini]

I'm thinking of leaving my bf.

I met him a year ago.

I'm turning 18 soon and he is 20.

when I met him a year ago he was living at home doing nothing.

just with his ged.

now I am going into my last year of high school.

the year where I get everything together, my gpa, act, and do some job shadowing over the summer so I can learn what I want to do. pick my collage and my major and minor.

now a year later. from when I met him he is still in the same spot. he has ideas and plans but they don't seem to be going any where.

 

I love him to the ends of earth, and he has asked my hand.

 

but I am thinking of giving back the ring and everything and leaving him.

 

I need to spread my wings and fly. but its hard to fly with a weight on you. I may be leaving the best and most respectful person I have ever met in the "I don't care about being happy I want money" world.

 

I'm crying about this, cause its mite be better for me to leave, but then again I mite loose my happiness. I have lived on a collage and seen people and met people. I live there now with a friend cause its close to my school, and everyone there is more interested in being with some one who will make them money then give them happiness.

 

I'm so confused.

[Excalibur]

Become the person you want to be - so that you can choose a partner for who they are not what they offer you in the moment that you need - be it attention or money or whatever.

[Cognitive_Canine]

You, and I, are at that age where we need to do what is good for us.

 

I know it's hard to think about, but you know you won't be happy in 5 years if you stick with him. Do you think he'll ever change? You said he hasn't and old habits die hard.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much. It is a good reason to move on. I wish you the best.

[DN]

He's twenty. Just because he isn't doing anything now it doesn't mean he won't when he is ready.

 

If he ends up really successful and wealthy when he is thirty would you not feel that you acted a little prematurely? That is if you feel success and wealth are so important.

[laura_mae]

If I were you I would not jump into marriage so young. I married when I was 21 and feel like I was too young. At your age (or even mine at 23!) we need to be out enjoying ourselves and finding ourselves. I think that if it's meant to be, it will be. Maybe tell him your reasoning and see what happens.... see if he gets up off his butt and does something with his life! Maybe he just needs a little bit of motivation.

[muichini]

You, and I, are at that age where we need to do what is good for us.

 

I know it's hard to think about, but you know you won't be happy in 5 years if you stick with him. Do you think he'll ever change? You said he hasn't and old habits die hard.

 

I wouldn't worry about it too much. It is a good reason to move on. I wish you the best.

 

By the way - why does your profile say you are 20 when you now say you are 17?

 

he has arthritis but is really good at paying itg an advanced version of ddr. and he got his ged. he wants to try to get some where he has plans, but money and transportation limit him. I don't want to be starting collage when he dose. my dad would enjoy that tho.

[muichini]

He's twenty. Just because he isn't doing anything now it doesn't mean he won't when he is ready.

 

If he ends up really successful and wealthy when he is thirty would you not feel that you acted a little prematurely? That is if you feel success and wealth are so important.

 

I'm not money and success driven. I want some one that can pull there own weight at least, and help me live a comfortable normal worry free life. at least where I'm not in an economic crisis every 2 days.

[Cognitive_Canine]

oh, so he IS going to college?

 

You make is sound like he has done nothing. I thought you meant he dropped out of high school and got a GED a while ago.

 

Hmmm, I'd stick with him. Being with him won't necessarily "hold you back". I think you just want to see what else is out there....i could be wrong though.

[muichini]

If I were you I would not jump into marriage so young. I married when I was 21 and feel like I was too young. At your age (or even mine at 23!) we need to be out enjoying ourselves and finding ourselves. I think that if it's meant to be, it will be. Maybe tell him your reasoning and see what happens.... see if he gets up off his butt and does something with his life! Maybe he just needs a little bit of motivation.

 

I will this weekend we got into a fight recently. he said he knows I am a smart caring person, and he doesn't wanna loose that, because I don't look at everything straight on I look at things on an angel and it makes me smart and different. and he wants to be with me. I wouldn't be getting married when I am 21 more like 25 or 26 when ever I get out of collage. I just don't want to be paying for 2 people to live.

 

he wants to take the a+ computer program and become a computer tec and some day open a shop of his own ( a lot of his family owns there own shop) so that he could do everything and be a kinda stay at home spouse still while working and pulling his own. I see it happening with a lot of effort

[muichini]

oh, so he IS going to college?

 

You make is sound like he has done nothing. I thought you meant he dropped out of high school and got a GED a while ago.

 

Hmmm, I'd stick with him. Being with him won't necessarily "hold you back". I think you just want to see what else is out there....i could be wrong though.

 

he dropped out of high school when he turned 16 then got his ged when he was 19. he has plans but its gonna take a lot to make the bird fly.

[Excalibur]

Hon....all you need to do is go off to college.

 

A relationship isn't a goal and it's not a source of security or identity.

 

If you go off and achieve your goals, become the person you want to be.....don't think of a relationship as a means to an end or a way to identify yourself.....you'll head the direction you want your life to go - that'll leave him behind and everybody will get over it.

 

You're way too young to have agreed to forever, when you're not sure who you are yet anyway.

[muichini]

Hon....all you need to do is go off to college.

 

A relationship isn't a goal and it's not a source of security or identity.

 

If you go off and achieve your goals, become the person you want to be.....don't think of a relationship as a means to an end or a way to identify yourself.....you'll head the direction you want your life to go - that'll leave him behind and everybody will get over it.

 

You're way too young to have agreed to forever, when you're not sure who you are yet anyway.

 

okay. and I can't really go away, I have to commute we don't have enough money to send me off, and I'm too stupid to get free money. but we would still be within in reach I just don't want to be moving forward and have him at a stand still. the classes he wants to take I have taken once before. and I can and have offered to help teach them to him. he sounds interested I just see no movement.

[Excalibur]

Look....if you go to school where you are, if you continue with your studies, get involved in schoool groups that interest you, if you focus on your academic accomplishment...you're not going to have the "time" to spend with him UNLESS HE IS ALREADY IN SCHOOL, ON HIS OWN, STUDYING HIS OWN SUBJECTS.

 

The time your'e going to have to spend with him while attending college is considerably less than you do in high school.

 

As you have less time to spend on him and fixing his problems, he's going to find someone else to give him attention and get htem to figure out how to fix his problems.

[muichini]

Look....if you go to school where you are, if you continue with your studies, get involved in schoool groups that interest you, if you focus on your academic accomplishment...you're not going to have the "time" to spend with him UNLESS HE IS ALREADY IN SCHOOL, ON HIS OWN, STUDYING HIS OWN SUBJECTS.

 

The time your'e going to have to spend with him while attending college is considerably less than you do in high school.

 

As you have less time to spend on him and fixing his problems, he's going to find someone else to give him attention and get htem to figure out how to fix his problems.

 

his classes will be at the same school as the one I am going to attend. so ya. but I get what you are saying

[Excalibur]

They won't be at the same school you're going to unless he gets off his butt and applies, gets accepted, signs up for classes and attends.

 

If you stop thinking "how can I get him to attend school" - and focus on how "I" am going to attend school - you'll attend.

 

If he does -great...if not, oh well, no harm to you.

[muichini]

They won't be at the same school you're going to unless he gets off his butt and applies, gets accepted, signs up for classes and attends.

 

If you stop thinking "how can I get him to attend school" - and focus on how "I" am going to attend school - you'll attend.

 

If he does -great...if not, oh well, no harm to you.

 

he's looking at it and money is a big deal. I was thinking of making a deal with him and if he gets an a in the 2 classes he needs to take to take the test I would pay the 500 for the test. try to bribe with money.

[Cognitive_Canine]

he's looking at it and money is a big deal. I was thinking of making a deal with him and if he gets an a in the 2 classes he needs to take to take the test I would pay the 500 for the test. try to bribe with money.

 

That seems rather childish

[muichini]

That seems rather childish

 

more like a scholar ship opportunity. he lives in a trailer with parents, and 2 siblings money is tight parents run a auto repair shop in Michigan, and times are tough. I think it would catch his eye.

[Cognitive_Canine]

or....getting an A on his own with his own ambition should catch his eye.

 

I would be very offended if my bf did anything like that to me. Very patronizing.

[muichini]

or....getting an A on his own with his own ambition should catch his eye.

 

I would be very offended if my bf did anything like that to me. Very patronizing.

 

I did it with the ged. I promised him a trip to his favorite restaurant and he just got it right on the dot to pass. and get the dinner. mite work against.

[Cognitive_Canine]

do you really wanna do that the rest of your life?

 

he is only a dead weight if you let him be

[muichini]

do you really wanna do that the rest of your life?

 

he is only a dead weight if you let him be

 

I see the potential and if I can help push the arthritis bird just one more push maybe he will build a pretty nest or something, better then any other. he knows his stuff he knows it all he just needs a little more pushing.

[Cognitive_Canine]

you shouldn't have to push your guy through life.

 

Seems like you have little respect for him. If he is seriously this uncapable, I'd let him go.

[Excalibur]

Step back dear ,and let his parents parent him....you're not qualified to do it and you don't want the results of a dysfunctional child on your hands at your age.

[ghost69]

you are 18. you have plenty of happiness ahead of you. plus, in college, there are plenty of single guys actually doing something with themselves.