Number of sexual partners

[iamgauol]

This question may end up being hypothetical seeing as the girl I'm interested in is potentially leaving for a job opportunity but it may come up again in the future...

 

I am totally crazy about this girl I've hanging out with (pre-love) and i really would like to ask her out but I'm worried about the number of sexual partners she's had. I will not guess at the number and I know it's nothing crazy just a few more than my 1 and I also am not all worried about STDs.

 

I think the problem resides all in my head not so much inadequacy but something I can't put my finger on. So I afraid that I'll ask her out and this will well up inside me and ultimately ruin a relationship with a girl that is everything I've always wanted. Subsequently it will have ruined a great oportunity for her.

 

I guess there is no real question here however I would welcome any and all advice.

[Whiplash Girl Child]

I am totally crazy about this girl I've hanging out with (pre-love) and i really would like to ask her out but I'm worried about the number of sexual partners she's had. I will not guess at the number and I know it's nothing crazy just a few more than my 1 and I also am not all worried about STDs.

.

 

Hate to break it to ya, but all it takes is 1 infected person to infect her. You SHOULD be concerned about STDs.

 

Anyway, with that aside . . .

 

It seems to me that you're concerned about the # of guys she's slept with not because of STDs, but because you worry about how many men she will compare you to. If you're up against one other man that she's slept with, then it might not be as bad as being up against 3 or 4 other men that she's slept with. It's more competition for you. I see what your issue is.

 

But . . . the more you worry about this type of stuff, the more anxious you're going to get. And the more anxious you get, the worse you'll perform. Life is too short to worry about those other guys, and whether or not you'll measure up to them (no pun intended - haha!).

 

When you're with her, just focus on the moment, take it slow, don't rush into anything. The more you hype yourself up mentally, the worse you'll perform. Don't think so much. Focus on doing things to please her, and on the ways in which she makes you feel (sensations, perceptions, etc.).

 

And, although condoms aren't 100% effective against all STDs, I do recommend you use one. It wouldn't hurt.

[BrightAiko]

you shouldn't ask her about any of that until you both are engaged or something. if you cared so much you wouldn't want to ruin something you worked for rite? maybe you shouldn't ask..unless u want std's. you should be concerned for your health but anywayz...if she has had alot of partners and you don't really like that..maybe she isn't for you or she just was waiting for some1 like u to help her..

anyway i don't know if i was any help...lolz sorry

Caitlin

[Mythical_Suicide]

^ I agree.

 

My question is, how old are you?

[CaptainNapalm]

Just out of curiosity, what makes you so convinced she had so many sexual partners? I mean she obviously didn't tell you how many she had since you don't know so maybe that number is not that bad. I wouldn't worry about that at all and if you are concerned about STDs than use protection until you guys end up getting into a seroius relationship in a half a year or something after which it is a good suggestion for BOTH of you to get tested for piece of mind and out of respect for each other, once clear you have nothing to worry about.

[Cognitive_Canine]

Asking her out doesn't mean you automatically get all the STD's she has....

 

Maybe date her for a few months, then when you decide to become physical, you BOTH get tested. That way she won't feel put off and you don't have to worry.

[Cuppedia]

Asking her out doesn't mean you automatically get all the STD's she has....

 

Maybe date her for a few months, then when you decide to become physical, you BOTH get tested. That way she won't feel put off and you don't have to worry.

 

 

Very much agree.

 

Think of it this way, she might not give you an STD but she could get pregnant, not the best situation to be in with a complete stranger.

 

Get to know each other, then tell her you will get tested and that can be a good way to give her the chance to talk about it without feeling pressured.

[Seymore]

I asked my gf about 3 months in. Actually we were watching Clerks and there was that infamous scene where Dante asked his gf how many times she went down on a guy. It came up in our conversation and I asked, like an idiot. She said she slept with 12 guys before me. She's only 22.

 

Now, at the MOMENT, I kinda was taken aback. Let's face it: NOBODY likes thinking about their SO sleeping with anyone else. But I told her that they were the past, and she said that I was right, and that hopefully I will be her last.

 

But every now and then I still cringe at the thought. I wish I'd never asked. There's something about it that just seeps into my subconscious every now and then and attacks my security. I've only slept with 1 before her, and sex isn't really THAT big a deal to me - I'm not the type to say "Oh, I want to have sex with all sorts of women to play the field", because I'm happy with HER, and if she's my last, I'll be happy with that.

 

But people do things. Sometimes it's a mistake, whatever. But my gf DID tell me something that night that also stuck with me: "I've had my fun, and now I realize those experiences helped me to find what I was looking for. When I met you, I didn't feel like I had to have sex with you to get you to like me, because you like me for me." For the record, I turned her down the first time she tried with me, like 2 weeks after we started dating, to show her that I wasn't about that. And it's one of the things she likes most about our relationship: It's not about sex. We could do it 3 times a week or once a month (and we've been on both ends of that spectrum), and we still have a good time together. I've been in relationships that revolved around sex and so has she, so we both realize how it can become the focus of a relationship and overshadow the other things, like getting to know the other person, a person you may really grow to love.

[iamgauol]

for the sake of this discussion lets leave the issue of STDs to the side. I have a healthy degree of OCD concerning the topic and am extremely well versed in the details of disease.

 

this conversation is really about my mental hang-up. btw as of tonight the this specific girl is out of the picture so I'm going continue this topic under the idea of being ok with something like this for the future

[Sunshine311]

Honestly, I don't know why anyone would ever ask their partner how many previous sexual relationships they've had. I think it's just asking for trouble. I think it's important to understand what kind of person they are (do they have a rep for sleeping around?), but to actually name a number is not required. I've been with my husband for 3 years now (known him for 10 years) and to this day we have never asked each other for our 'number'. Why? How would knowing this information help our relationship? I know that before we got together he was a player, and I'm sure his number is quite high, but what the heck would I want to know it for??? Same thing for him; he's told me before that he has no interest in knowing my sexual history before him, it would only bother him. For some crazy reason, this is a question people love to ask, and I don't think I'll ever get why.

[ghost69]

who cares. get with her. make it 2.