A thought about rebounds

[Sickboy48]

Hey Amanda, nice to meet ya and trade thoughts.

 

No worries, you'll get there and I can help you in any way I can. I was still a wreck I think at one month so I can truly understand where your at and what your feeling.

That's great, I did the same thing, I went out, had fun, worked out, even went to therapy...for some old peersonal childhood issues lol..it all helped. I have a great new job where I am lucky that my co workers are hella gun to hang with. Working in teh video game industry is a major help.

hang in there and be strong. Bah no worries...i dated a young girl...key word girl...i needed a woman...lol.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Bah no worries...i dated a young girl...key word girl...i needed a woman...lol.

 

Oy...I relate to this one, too. In so many ways my ex is still a little girl. I'm not interested in that little girl, I'm interested in the woman I have always seen inside. Hopefully that woman comes out during this move.

 

I find it funny how people view themselves at times. Your ex shouldn't feel the need for anyone to validate who she is as a person. Validation comes from with in and only you, not anyone else can tell you who you are.

She needs to realize she is beautiful and smart. until then, she will always feel the way she does. F what anyone thinks of you, the only person that matters is you.

 

Carlos - I agree with this, too. I tried propping her up for years and years, and eventually got exhausting. One of the reasons I started to emotionally withdraw from the relationship was because I got tired of her only feeling pretty or smart or worthy when her sycophantic fans told her that was the case, then being with me and being all depressed about things again. It was taking a huge toll on me. That's why I talk about her thinking that her move to Texas will fix things. I think she just put her baggage in a new house until she gets some professional help.

[tazthecat]

I'm in the process of rebound glory. It's interesting and frightneing at the same time.

When I look at it systematically, the girl I'm with right now, is helpig me through a devasting time in my life, where without her, I know I would of crashed and burned already. She fulfills my needs and it allows me to show another human being of the great man that I know I am, and she appreciates it.

 

She's not digging into my flaws. Critisizing my shortcomings. Or slandering my ambitions..

She wants me. Loves spending time with me. And over all I make her happy......I make her happy!!

 

She understands the implications of my situation with my ex, and not only understands, but accepts it..

 

I was never one for promoting rebound relationships, and even at times against the idea of it. But people were put on this earth to help each other. And I feel that the semi-relationship I have with the new GF is just that.

Something that is good for me..at this moment..

 

I don't love her. But she isn't blind to that. She understands that I invested my life with someone else for 8 yrs, and that is the reason why I'm not goo goo ga ga over her. She understands that I hurt. That the tears that I cry are from failure and loss.

And if she decides that at some point she wants more from me and I can't give it to her, then I will let her go, and love her for what she gave me, and the days that she made me feel no pain..

 

Do rebounds help you get over a failed relationship? NO!

Do they help heal you? NO!

What they do is remind you that you are loveable, worthy and still a great human being. They numb the pain of loss as they bring sunshine into your dark tunnel. They make you realize that your not totally alone in this world, and that theres something..something deep down into your essense that is............. beautiful.

[EyesOnThePrize]

Taz - Thanks for that post. It was nice for me to hear something from the perspective of someone who is a rebounder.

[tazthecat]

Taz - Thanks for that post. It was nice for me to hear something from the perspective of someone who is a rebounder.

 

It's funny, Eyes..Until I actually posted this, I never realized what label to put myself under..Dumpee..Victim..Piece of floating S..t at the bottom of the ocean..

But rebounder..Yeah, I've evolved in the terms of dating..

 

Either way, it sucks that the person who has your heart doesn't want it. And the person who does want your heart, can't have it.

 

Rebounding, in no sense of the matter doesn't propel you to forget your ex, it just helps you define what makes you the loving, caring, worthy person you know you are.

[thejigsup]

Rebounds can work, I'm living proof of that. Unless rebounds are known to last almost ten years. But I will say this, if you get into another relationship just to keep from being alone, yeah, bad news. On the other hand, if you just happen to see a handsome, well-dressed man you have been talking to on the internet walk into a restaurant and he looks good enough to eat, go for it! I did and we are still together through all the bs life throws at you nine years later. We have had our problems once in awhile, but we work through them and soldier on. So, yes, rebounds can work. Try it when your ready, it's fun!

[EyesOnThePrize]

jigsup - I wouldn't ever argue that rebounds never work, however the vast majority don't, and I agree that the ones where people do it to avoid being alone are bad news. Statistics bear out that most affairs don't make it to marriage, and the most popular theory I've seen is because they are built on fantasy, and when people have to deal with reality, things get a whole lot messier. I'm not even advocating that people don't try rebounds, just that they be realistic about them.