I always will be just a friend...

[pedro8]

Hi!

 

I think each person must know himself or herself to understand why certain things do happen.

 

Me for example: when I was a teenager girls always saw me just as friend. I was not sexy, but I certainly was a good friend and a good listener.

 

I only had two girlfriends. The first one, cheated me after 6 month. The reason she appointed, she felt attraction for the other guy. Weeks later she was sorry and asked me to be her friend.

 

The second one also cheated me after 4 years of relationship. She felt attraction for other guy, and had sex with him. This is was a month ago... Now she said she is terribly sorry, because she misses me so much. She said she misses when I listen her, when I go out with her, etc.. But also she said I'm her best friend.

 

Obviously its prooved that I am unable to attract women. When they look to me, they only see a good friend they can trust.

[8amallday]

its not that you cant attract women

obviously you have if youve had two relationships, especially one of them being 4 years long.

 

youre just getting with the wrong ones.

surely youll find a more mature person that will always value you and not cheat on you for some guy with sweet abs, a new haircut and a popped collar (i can only assume thats who she cheated on you with....but i have no evidence, its just a hunch).

 

good luck man, keep your hopes up, youll find someone worth your time soon!

[8amallday]

also, welcome to enotalone!!!

[jettison]

You had a 4 year relationship and a 6 year relationship. By "relationship", I'm assuming that you were more then friends. So, they cheated on you or left you. It doesn't mean that, while you were in that relationship, they were looking at you as "just the friend". It just means that their feelings changed.... as all of our feelings tend to do over time.

 

However, when I hear about guys having this problem repeatedly then there is usually one issue at the core... they try to go out of their way to be "nice" to someone for the purpose of getting in their pants. It means there is a goal or payout associated with being nice. Women can sense that, and they can't stand that stuff, and it's not sexy.

 

There is NOTHING wrong with being nice, and you should always be nice, but if the only reason you're acting that way is to get the woman naked then, really, that's not nice at all. It's the opposite. I think I'm pretty damn nice to almost every woman in my life whether I like her don't like, find her appealing, or just think of her as a friend. If I really want a woman, it doesn't mean that I stop being nice to her, but it does mean that I tell her what I want, and that I don't apologize for it, qualify it, or make excuses for it, or be wishy washy about it. If I want to sleep with her, I am NOT going to try to do something nice for her in an attempt to win her favor. I'll act the same as I always did, but I'll ask for what I want from her.

 

Just like most men, most women don't like playing mindreader. They want to know what you think, when you think it, and that you're sure about what you think. Anything else is a turnoff. So, if you want a woman, you say "You're cute. We should makeout". Don't say anything to qualify that. Don't apologize for it. Dont' be nice about it. Don't look away. Don't freak. Say it as if you were asking her to give you 4 quarters in exchange for a dollar bill. It should literally be that understated and nonchalant. You will be very surprised about just how positive most women react to someone propositioning them in a completely normal, non creepy, non-apologetic, way.

 

Just ask. This goes for any woman you like. Can you imagine if you went into a restaurant and asked for a glass of water, however, you had the mindset of wanting to sleep with a woman?

 

You visit the restaurant. You make small talk with the waitress. She asks you "Is there anything I can get you?", and you say "Well, I just want to say that I really like your shoes. And thanks for talking to me." So, she says "Thanks, your sweet" and then walks away. All the while thinking you're a little bit odd, wondering why you visited her restaurant, and wondering why you keep coming back every tuesday if you're not going to at least eat or drink something.

 

And next time you go in, you see another guy walk up to that waitress and say "Hey, I'd like a glass of water please." Immediately, she get the bloke a drink. You're dumbfounded. What the hell? I've been wanting water from her for weeks now and that guy is drinking my water!" You vow that next time things will be different.

 

You go to the restaurant. You're sporting flowers and a huge smile. You've wrote a poem about water for the waitress, just hoping that she'll get the hint. She "loves" you for it. What a great guy! she thinks. "He's so sweet!" Meanwhile, you have no water.

 

My God man, you're parched!!! Ask for the damn water already! It's free and it's everywhere, and it's rightfully yours if you're just bother to request it in a normal manner without having to make a huge production out of it. If you think you deserve the water, and you act like you're accustomed to the water, then women will want to serve you the water.

 

Drink up buddy.

[pedro8]

You had a 4 year relationship and a 6 year relationship. By "relationship", I'm assuming that you were more then friends. So, they cheated on you or left you. It doesn't mean that, while you were in that relationship, they were looking at you as "just the friend". It just means that their feelings changed.... as all of our feelings tend to do over time.

 

However, when I hear about guys having this problem repeatedly then there is usually one issue at the core... they try to go out of their way to be "nice" to someone for the purpose of getting in their pants. It means there is a goal or payout associated with being nice. Women can sense that, and they can't stand that stuff, and it's not sexy.

 

Maybe I did not explain correctly.

 

By relationship I mean we were boyfriend/girlfriend. First relationship started very well. I always knew some rules: not be obsessive, not be jealous, and give her lots of space and time. After 6 months (not years), she started to avoid me. She didn't hang out, dinner, going to the cinema, etc.. I calmly asked her to explain me why, then she told me she was sorry but she was dating with other guy. Then we separated, and after 3 months later she called me telling me she missed me very much. But It was to late... I started my second relationship already.

 

Second relationship, I met her in a Post-graduation studies. I invited her to drink a coffee in a very nice place. I don't know what happened, but she maybe liked talk to me, or liked that I listened her, whatever... At the end of the "date" she kissed me in the lips.

I applied same rules here: not be obsessive, not be jealous, and give her lots of space and time.

 

It was hard to gain her confidence, but about a year she trusted me 100%. We did vacations together: Algarve (Portugal), Spain, Brazil and Egypt. She used to tell me I was her entertainer, her best friend, etc.. Every sexual relation I had with her, some she start teasing me, other I teased her. So "being nice" is part of my personality I guess, because I think friendship is the base of a relationship. I do believe if there is no friendship, no relationship can stand. Actually I try to be nice to every person I met, so I have many women (and men) who are my friends, and I don't expect sex from them...

 

About a month and a half ago, Joana (my ex-girlfriend) told me she met a guy, and she was confused because she felt some attraction by him. I suggested the end of our relationship, but she asked me to not do it. But I couldn't be with her knowing she was feeling this from other guy.

A month passed, she called me. Same * * * * : she missed me very much. I told her: "you have a new b/f now... You should not miss me...". Then she told me, the guy used her: she had sex with him, and since then he avoid her. Now she told me she did a big mistake she misses me my affection, my friendship and my presense. But she never told me she misses my love... She asked me to be her friend.

 

I asked her if I did something wrong. She told me she was the problem. She told also I was very tender and if she could go back she never do this.

 

I told her dispite I still love her, I will be her friend because I respect her.

 

Then I started to hang out with another woman. Joana told me she is very jealous about it.

 

Conclusion: I feel women maybe like me, but they will cheat me sooner or later, because they are not in love. I do believe when a woman loves a man she does not cheat him.

 

Both girlfriends told was them fault. But why did they cheated me? Obviously it's not only their problem...

[civilservant]

That is possibly the best post I have seen on these forums

[iambrazilian]

jettison is a PUA...i c...keep it up!

[jettison]

jettison is a PUA...i c...keep it up!

 

Nooooooooooooo. I am NOT a pick up artist. Not even close. That stuff makes me ill. I'm just a guy who doesn't associate goals with women, and who for the most part, treats women the same as men.

 

That passage can be narrowed down to the following: "Don't be a freak when you're talking to a woman. It's just a woman. It's not a mythical creature from a mythical planet. She'll probably respect you a lot more once you realize that. She won't solve all of your problems. Sex with this woman is not something for you to achieve. It is merely something you may or may not do with her if you happen to get really close to her. She's not more or less special then your mates. She's worthy of your friendship, comaraderie and good vibes, just like eveyone else provided she shows that to you in return. If she's a jerk, you don't click, and she's really not your thing, leave her alone. Don't pursue any kind of friendship with her just because she's physically attractive to you. That's false.

 

A lot of men like to use the phrase "I love women" or "I'm a lover of women". Most of those men are full of sheet. Better said, they love to "score chicks" or they "love to bed women". They only love women for what they can extract from them. There's nothing lovely about that.

 

One can only say "I love people" or "I love to be joyous with women". Then, you mean it. Otherwise, it's all just an act.

[pedro8]

Thank you for your help.