Success story

[Softiron]

Figured people might want to read a story that isn't filled with bitterness or sorrow. I posted here a little over a month ago that the woman of my dreams broke up with me out of the blue (we had been together a little over a year). She tried to answer most of my questions that night, and we agreed to go NC for a while. What followed was probably as good as things could be expected:

 

I only had trouble sleeping the first night.

I only had trouble eating for two days.

I only felt depressed for about a week and a half.

I went on a date last weekend and it was FUN, and I didn't find myself comparing her to my ex.

I e-mailed my ex a few days ago and we're chatting like casual friends.

 

This is all better than I had expected things to go. I thought I would be devastated for months on end. But I think there are several things that have helped considerably.

 

1. I told myself right away that we would never get back together. She told me it wasn't a rash decision, and because I trusted her, I believed it. I'm not saying that there wasn't a part of me that didn't wish she was going to change her mind three days later, but trying to get her back would have done nothing but slow down my recovery and possibly strained our friendship.

 

2. Family and friends. I can't stress how important this is. Within the first few days after our breakup, I spent 500 minutes on the phone with people who cared about me, and I spent the following weekend being with friends and family. I didn't always talk about her, but I needed to be around people who were looking out for me.

 

3. I put away every tangible thing that reminded me of her. Everything went into a box until I could sort out later what I wanted to keep and throw away. I also stopped checking out her Facebook page. I took her off my buddy list. Even seeing her screen name pop up made my heart bleed. I also didn't chat with or look up any of her friends.

 

4. NO CONTACT. This ties into #3. About three weeks after the breakup, I finally had put enough distance between us that I was able to view the relationship objectively. I had an epiphany moment, and finally understood why things happened the way they did. No, I don't understand everything that was going through her mind, and I never will. But it finally made some sort of sense. Before I trusted that she had made the right decision. At this point, I knew. I still wish things would have been right and we could have lived happily ever after, but the distance helped me see we weren't a fairytale anymore. I have no doubt that had I continued to talk to her or kept looking her up, this process would have taken much longer. I had a relationship end once with a girl who was in all of my classes for the next six months. Naturally, it took me a year to get over her, and we weren't even as close.

 

When I went on my date last weekend, I didn't find myself comparing this girl to my ex. She's different, and no doubt she has qualities that are better and worse than my ex. But when I was with her I didn't care. I just enjoyed myself. And I wanted to see her again. The thought of getting back together with my ex never crossed my mind. That's when I knew I was ready to break NC. So I e-mailed my ex, and she was glad I did. Now we're chatting like friends, and while it's weird, it doesn't hurt. We may not ever be more than casual friends, but I'm so glad we have been able to get through this with civility and I didn't burn any bridges.

 

I know everyone's circumstances are different and other factors (e.g. living together, working together, infidelity, etc.) make the recovery process more difficult than it was for me. And to expect only a month for acceptance is likely unrealistic for most. But the same tactics seem to apply in similar situations. Thanks to everyone here who supported me at the beginning and gave me similar advice; you were a small part of the process as well.

 

~Softiron

[8amallday]

softiron, youre strong!

congratulations on such a speedy recovery.