Calling The Ex Girlie Advice Pls

[nic2463]

Ok broke up 10 weeks ago when she fell for another guy,no major begging and went along with her wishes.

 

One month ago she went into hospital for a major op hysterectomy.Just before the op she called about some pet issue drunk,i asked her if she was happy and she said she was very happy.Next day i called saying i felt she was rubbing it in a little bit too much she hung up..I have sent a few txt messages since the split and never had a reply..realised 2 days ago i had been sending them to a wrong number!

I sent a txt to the right number and had a pleasent reply nothing major though..saying she had a tough month and hopping im ok etc.sent a gentle txt back hopping her illness was cleared up and i would call in a few days.

 

Now during and after the relationship she said that she didnt think i cared about her not loving etc......so when i call im tempted to lay it on thick that i miss her, have been having a bad time etc now this seems to be against the advice seen on this forum but doing the cool dude stuff has got me no where

 

What do you reckon?

[Stella Sleepwalks]

Now during and after the relationship she said that she didnt think i cared about her not loving etc......so when i call im tempted to lay it on thick that i miss her, have been having a bad time etc now this seems to be against the advice seen on this forum but doing the cool dude stuff has got me no where

 

What do you reckon?

 

Hmmmm..... Thoughy.

 

You need to respect that her main aim is to get better. This is a major, major, major operation she has just had, and stress could make the healing process difficult. She told you that she was happy in her new relationhip, and obviously you were gutted. Those words flicked a switch in you that thought, "I could make her that happy! I love her too!" Trouble is, you have only realised you needed to express these feelings after she broke up with you.

 

I really think by the sounds of things that she has moved on to a point. It is too early in her new relationship for her to decide whether it is working out. She is after all, going through the hneymoon phase, where everything is new and there are no aguments. Only time will tell whether she has made the right choice, and whether you yourself actually want a future with her still.

 

Its tempting to crawl back to an ex, but you've already been reduced to your knees when she left you. GET BACK ON YOUR FEET! Stand up straight, be a man - be more of a man than you have been in the past, you have a competitor after all. Show yourself to be a strong, positive, dignified human being. Us girls know you guys have your pride, but don't act stubborn. Be respectful and have respect for yourself. Don't be this girl's runner-up incase things don't work out with the new guy, be Mr. Desireable.

 

I would send an email, something she can read back as many times as she needs when the chips are down and she needs to reflect. Keep it simple, calm, polite and above all honest. Don't go overboard with "I love you." Keep it positive and avoid all negativity.

 

I have truley missed you but seeing you move on has prompted me to move on with my own life. I am (list some positive things/ plans you want to make this year excluding her), I hope your recovery is successful and you will remain in my thoughts. I promise only to reflect on the good times, and learn from the bad never to make the same mistakes twice. Take Care.

 

Short and sweet is all you need. Let her read things into it if you want, just be subtle. Us women over-analyze EVERYTHING. Just plant it into her head. You need to go NC, (no contact), after sending this message. Even if she emails you back, don't respond. Only respond if she breaks up with this guy. Don't put yourself in the position of being the "other guy", put a higher value on yourself. She will respect you for the tremendously.

 

Take Care x

[nic2463]

Thanks for the thoughtful reply Stella,only prob she doesnt have email...I going to call and check shes over the illness,during that conversation i could slip in that i miss her etc this is the dilema i face,dont want to come accross as a sap

[LaurenC123]

With my expirence, leaving the ex alone and making myself seem like Im doing well..has some how intrigued them back into wanting to talk to me again wondering why I wasn't thinking about them.

 

BUT maybe that's just the type of guys I used to date.

Honestly, she has been bold enough to tell you without fear of pushing you away that she is happy where she is now. Making her even more aware that you miss her etc.. will probably make her assume that you aren't going anywhere and that you are expendable. Which will make her care less about your feelings. I would leave her alone, give her time to come around to you.. seems like you guys have maintained some type of friendship afterward...let her wonder about you for a change.

[Stella Sleepwalks]

How about a text? Doesn't have to be a novel.

 

You've been in my thougts. Hope everything goes well for you - speedy recovery. You'll always be special to me, I hope good things happen for both of us. Take care.

 

Thats all you need. Something optomistic. Something positive. Something she will keep no doubt, and refer to whenever she needs to.

 

My ex's last words were, I hope you have a good life..... He was in a state of shock and I knew he didn't mean it because he was devestated. Sometimes its better to write it than to say it.

[nic2463]

Prefer your first one Stella,i want her to know i miss her.

[LBP]

Have you yet realized that this woman no longer has sexual attraction for you?

 

I think you should consider this before ever contacting her in the future. It is highly important for you to recognize that she has moved on to another stage in her life, for better or worse.

 

to be frank, I suspect that she is bored with you. Not with your personality but with the fact of you (please do not take this as a degradation of your sexual abilities). You are a given. Do you want her back? I'd bet money that it's way too late. I have sympathy for you.

 

This is a natural process in the modern world. Look at it holistically. Short and sweet, as has been said. I am quite certain that you can progress and learn from this situation.

[LBP]

Prefer your first one Stella,i want her to know i miss her.

 

Incredibly dangerous. I would wager money that she is on the borderline, or further along, of being annoyed (perhaps enraged) with your persistence. In all likelihood, she is completely baffled by your inability to 'get it'.

 

Baffled is the wrong word. And it has nothing to do with your manliness or lack thereof. What she doesn't understand is why you don't understand her, specifically, her guilt. You do understand that she feels guilt and anger over this whole thing, don't you? These are her primary emotions in dealing with you (I expect).

 

I would not send her an email or a message or provide her with the benefit of the doubt. Her actions were motivated by sexual longing. You know it, I know it. Can she be honest with you on this subject? I doubt it. So what's the point of talking when there will always be a white elephant in the room?

[LaurenC123]

"Now during and after the relationship she said that she didnt think i cared about her not loving etc......so when i call im tempted to lay it on thick that i miss her"

 

He wants her to know he DOES care and that he DOES want her....

But it's a tad too late...and you have made her WAY too secure in the fact of knowing no matter what you'll be there. If she does pay you any mind I wouldnt be flattered if I were you.

Don't make yourself look anymore desperate then you probably already have.

[renaissancewoman101]

Have you yet realized that this woman no longer has sexual attraction for you?

 

I think you should consider this before ever contacting her in the future. It is highly important for you to recognize that she has moved on to another stage in her life, for better or worse.

 

to be frank, I suspect that she is bored with you. Not with your personality but with the fact of you (please do not take this as a degradation of your sexual abilities). You are a given. Do you want her back? I'd bet money that it's way too late. I have sympathy for you.

 

This is a natural process in the modern world. Look at it holistically. Short and sweet, as has been said. I am quite certain that you can progress and learn from this situation.

 

when one gets bored of someone sexually, can that ever be reversed?

[sara1]

The first question i would ask is if you decide to "lay it all on thick" or send a card or text with a more subtle i miss you and get well soon message and you get no reply or a very negative reply, can you handle that emotionally.

 

I do believe that NC is helpful as it give distance from the pain. Though it is a painful process.

[sara1]

Have you yet realized that this woman no longer has sexual attraction for you?

 

One can still have sexual attraction for another and still chose to move on for various reasons. If they do not feel loved and desired the emotional attraction is not met and fades away.

 

Relationships generally are multidimensional.

[LBP]

when one gets bored of someone sexually, can that ever be reversed?

 

Yes, I think so. But that is a situational endeavor and one which requires work from both parties.

 

It's not something I'd put money on. At that point, things have often gone too far... And there is another person involved. When another person is involved, you can more or less assume a point of no return. For the foreseeable future, anyway.

[LBP]

One can still have sexual attraction for another and still chose to move on for various reasons. If they do not feel loved and desired the emotional attraction is not met and fades away.

 

Relationships generally are multidimensional.

 

I agree. That is not the case here, in my opinion.

 

I'll tell you this, after the woman feels like she is no longer is loved and desired (in this case a woman) and chooses to move on, it will be an odds on situation that her 'abandoned' partner will ramp up his efforts to be the attentive mate that he wasn't before.

 

Also, the kind of thing you've mentioned rarely happens in balls-on committed relationships. The relationship you're referencing, one you've likely experienced in some form or another, was related to a man unwilling to express commitment either romantically or physically.

[sara1]

I agree. That is not the case here, in my opinion.

 

I'll tell you this, after the woman feels like she is no longer is loved and desired (in this case a woman) and chooses to move on, it will be an odds on situation that her 'abandoned' partner will ramp up his efforts to be the attentive mate that he wasn't before.

 

Also, the kind of thing you've mentioned rarely happens in balls-on committed relationships. The relationship you're referencing, one you've likely experienced in some form or another, was related to a man unwilling to express commitment either romantically or physically.

 

I was referring to the OP description of the relationship and the statements made from the ex about not feeling that he loved her. If a girl doesn't feel loved the attraction can fade. A girl doesn't always want to be guessing.

 

Can it be rekindled, possible. Is it more difficult because the ex has someone new, perhaps. Though i have seen new relationships go sour and person go back to the ex only when they see a new hope.

 

Again, I would do what you can handle emotionally. If the contact is going to set you back from healing i would wait. If you chose to make contact, I think the more subtle initial approach is best. Good luck!

[LBP]

I was referring to the OP description of the relationship and the statements made from the ex about not feeling that he loved her. If a girl doesn't feel loved the attraction can fade. A girl doesn't always want to be guessing.

 

If you said you agreed with me at the beginning, I would have been saved the trouble of writing my initial response.

[nic2463]

Have you yet realized that this woman no longer has sexual attraction for you?

 

One can still have sexual attraction for another and still chose to move on for various reasons. If they do not feel loved and desired the emotional attraction is not met and fades away.

 

Relationships generally are multidimensional.

 

This is spot on for 5 years our sex life was great..I didnt give the loved and desired part to her

[nic2463]

I agree. That is not the case here, in my opinion.

 

The relationship you're referencing, one you've likely experienced in some form or another, was related to a man unwilling to express commitment either romantically or physically.

 

Physically it was great until the end.......Romantically it was dead

[LBP]

You're not hearing me. What it was like in the past does not impact the now. I would wager money that she no longer has sexual attraction for you.

[nic2463]

You're not hearing me. What it was like in the past does not impact the now. I would wager money that she no longer has sexual attraction for you.

 

Well thats obvious shes with someone else!...