wouldnt i be in love already?

[charlotte_skye]

Hi everyone,

 

i was just trying to get my head around this and its drivin me mad, thinking too much and all as we do so im here for your help!

 

My ex the one i broke up with to go overseas as we only really had just started relationship and he was too full on and so i accepted the job overseas and broke u p with him cos i didnt think i felt as much as he did and didnt know if i would.

 

anyways well ive been back from overseas for 3 mnths now and weve spent nearly ever day together ( my ex and i) were like best friends, we didnt feel the same about each other, we had both moved on since i was overseas but we still sleep together even tho just friends and still heaps close. the thing is i think hes now thinking about us giving it another shot at a proper relationship bf and gf but i cant help but feel wouldnt i already be in love with him if i was ever goin to be, i mean we were together for 4 mnths then i went overseas for 3 mnths ( we wrote all time and called ) and now we spend every day together and even sleep together dont u think if i would fall in love with him i would have already?????? or do you think that maybe im not in love with him because we aret officaly together even tho its liek we are and if we were ofiicaly together maybe i will fallin love with him, i love this guy so so very much but just not in love.......

what do you all think, pls help me plsssssss!!

[butch_G]

hi charlotte_skye

i'm not sure if this is true but i dont think you have to be in-love to be in a relationship.

do you love him as a friend or a brother???

do you want to be in a relationship with him???

do you have to go back over seas???

 

please answer these Q so i can help you out more

 

butch

[charlotte_skye]

hey thanks alot for your reply....

yea i agree you dont have to be in love to be in a relationship but what im sayin is the reason i broke up with him when we were together like 6 mnths ago was cos he was fallin in love fast with me and i didnt know if i even ever would cos i just didnt know if he was my type and i just didnt feel the same way you know as he did and i didnt know wether i could or not and then was offered a job abroad so i took that and decided i would think it over then but knew i had to break up with him first as i was scared he would wait for me that whole time only for me to realize i couldnt get abck with him or sumfin.

wjat i was saying is ive known him awhile now and weve been close the whole time and even now act like we are together so im just saying dont u think if i was to fall in love iwth his guy that i would have already........the reason i wonder this is thta i know he either is already in love with me or is still in love with me and i dont wnat to get involved knowin im not, so i wonder maybe i would fall in love with him though but then i think wouldnt i be in love already if i was to fall in love iw th this guy. do you see what i mean? i hope so, know it can seem alil confusing.

i guess i just see it like, its like weve been in a relationship the whole time weve been friends and i havent fallen in love with him yet and i knwo thta if i was OFFICALY in a relationship with him now and i had been OFICALY in a realtionship with him the past 6 mnths weve just been friends but act like were a cpl and i felt the same as i do now i would probably break up with him knowing i still wasnt in love with him even after 6 mnths. so im just confused if wether i could fall in love with him and i just havent cos were not OFFICALY together anymore or if seems we act and spend every day together like we are together that i wont fall in love seems i havent already.

and in answer to other qs, no im not ogin overseas again, and i love him like my best friend i love him alot but not in love, i htink the hting that stops me from being in love with him is sometimes hes just so not what i want in a bf, hes very serious i wnat someone fun, he doesnt have many friends i want a guy whos got his own life aswell etc etc but im still jsut so confused if maybe i could fall in love with him or if i would have already, cos if i knew i would fall in love with him then of course i would love that but i dont wnat to get with him now after its been 6 mnths since we broke up etc and i dont feel more cos i dont want to hurt him and i just dont know wether i oculd fall in love or wether i would have alrewady.

[upstatemedic]

The ancient greeks were pretty smart people - rather than lumping all love into one word like our culture does, they had four words for love...

 

Agape - The spiritual, I'd-do-anything-for-you love

Phileo - Brotherly/family/friendship love

Eros - Physical love

Storge - Love of objects, like "boy do I love pizza"

 

Perhaps your personal definitions of "I love this guy" and "I am in love with this guy" (which you separated in your first post) are different concoctions of the four greek roots?

 

I'm thinking you feel a mixture of eros and phileo towards him now, and you wish you had a little more agape thrown in there. Eh?

 

Upstatemedic

[Cid]

well it is hard for us to tell you if you are in love becouse only you know when you are in love with him.

[real amour]

Hello Charlotte Skye. You are definitely not in love. It can be instant and I believe it usually is. The test is to stay in love and that takes time, but the falling I believe it instant. If you do not feel it already, it isn't there. I love my husband dearly, but I have never fallen in love with him. We have major problems my dear since I do not feel that eros part, but the other loves yes; thereforeeee my love is not complete. The fact that you are questioning yourself so much is an indication. Doubt is good. I never doubted my love for my husband, but after 7 years, I realize I had fallen in love with another man, but repressed this for different reasons (well those feelings came back).

 

Move on. Get space. Time heals all. Trust me, you will meet someone else where the feelings will be clearer and all this will be just a lesson.