Men are less attached than women?

[Juniebug]

From my experience of being in an on going 3 years relationship, I came to find that my bf doesnt seem to be as attached as I am to him. I always say that I think of him all time and misses him and want to be with him when we are apart (sometime we only see each other twice a month). Even though I know he loves me, he say that he doesnt think about me as often as I do to him. I dont know if its because we are not on the same level, or because I was never involve in a relationship before him or just that men can cut the emotion they dont want to feel out of their sytem. What are your views?

[nmarchildon]

I'm not really sure but i'm sort of in the same situation as you. you see my boyfriend is my first piority and i am not his. we love each other to death but he likes his space and i could spend every minute with him.

we used to spend everday and night together but now he has grown distant. maybe he just needs to spend less time with me since we are leaving for a year together in two months.

 

men are totally different from women. they dont feel like us. also maybe he is just so comfortable with you in this long term relatioship that he doesn't need to think of you all the time. or he just takes it for granted and figures you will always be there. i think that maybe energies are not even or that you are not on the same level as he is. which seems to be the case with me and my bf. my boyfriend is really secure about my love for him, but he can't tell me enough that he loves me because i'm insecure. maybe he is totally secure with you.....it sucks eh?

nat

[Juniebug]

thanks for your reply nat,

 

yeah it totally sucks!

 

I agree with you on the insucurity issue, I want my bf to tell me he loves me all the time and he doesnt need to hear it from me all the time. He even told me that he's not like me, and that I don't need to tell him I love him so often!

 

Sometime I wish we are as simple minded as men are so that we dont have to think about things all the time or as my bf would say "over analyze" things until we are satisfy.

[akatoro]

While we're judging every man indifferently!

 

Why did my gf leave me when I told her how much I loved her every day? Claims she needed time on her own and that I was too overwhelming in showing how much she ment? I know not all women are like that but..

 

YES, TALKING LIKE THAT MAKES ME PISSED

[nmarchildon]

man.. i feel the same way. i dont think that i over tell him that i love him... and neither does he. but he just seems to be content and know how much i care about him. he loves me but i always need to feel more secure especially when just one little thing goes wrong. like, i start scenarios in my head and then i just start to cry. i am insecure. why... i dont know. because it feels good to know to feel like everything is ok ... to have him say i want you to stay over tonight.... you know...

 

we have only been together for 6 months but we are leaving for a year and that must mean something right?

[Juniebug]

I would like to apologize if my post offended anyone, I dont want to make a biased post but I was just commenting upon my experience in relationship and questioning it.... I know not everymen and women are the same, I was wrong to generalize.. sorry akatoro... Also, I dont know why your gf leave you, maybe she was scare of something real happening? Anyways I just wanted to say that there are women that would appreciate there bf telling them they love them everyday so dont think you did anything wrong by doing that.

 

nat,

 

I dont know why we are insecure but we need to not let it get over our heads as much... there are only a certain amount a person can take... our bfs loves and we love them... lets try and have faith and trust in our loves. Good luck with your relationship and spending a year with him you guys will learn a lot obout each other.

[vfunkera]

hey girls,

 

would u be surprised if i told u that my ex girlfriend, whos as popular as any of her mates, and as close to a stereotypical girl as can be, was doing exactly what u complain guys do. yea she never said she loved me, she hardly used to express any emotions out. but i could tell deep down that she loved me because she always did what made me happy. always. she was also the one that chased me (for 4 months).

 

i can see just how frustrating it is, because i always felt i was the one that was making all the moves. she would just sit back and let me do what i felt like, no matter how much of a hassle it was for her. i would however partly blame her being so shy, but u cant still stay shy after 4 months into a relationship can u? it was frustrating for me because i felt she never had a say in it, and that annoyed me.

 

girls u talk about being insecure. i would say that that insecurity is partly based on how your boyfriends are behaving. i mean, if they suddenly started to worship u and make u feel like gold and the person in control of their feelings, wouldnt u start feeling really secure, possibly even secure enough to leave them in belief that there will be someone better out there? maybe im completely off the track, but thats my experience. my interpretation of love has also been that it is insecurity of some kind. u are obviously in love with them, and also believe that u are insecure. ur boyfriends all give the impression that they are very secure, and u are now complaining why they never seem to say 'i love you'.

 

if i was to give any advice, it would be to have some kind of a second life without them. by doing this, they will want u even more, and probably open up a bit more to u as well.

 

good luck girls. feel free to comment

[sisterlynch]

Men are all different, yet the same in many ways too!!

 

They sexualize their emotions and draw back when they feel that they are getting too close to someone!

 

Women romantesize their relationships and give up more easily at times too.

 

The best advice I know is to keep him at a distance if you feel that he isn't as lovey dovey as you'd like, make him come to you!

[akatoro]

GRRR!!

 

I agree but I'd also like to add that all men are scumbags and potential rapists (as one famous swedish feminist so elegantly put it).

They also like to arm themselves with a knives each saturday, go downtown, find a good match to fight with, and just duke it out.

Furthermore I hear they're suckers for pink flying cows with chickenfeet and dotts on them.

[Ash]

akatoro, it honestly doesn't sound like any of the men I know.

 

Not me, anybody I know, or anybody I know of, arm themselves with knives, looks for fights, and rape women. Just where exactly are you living? Perhaps you should consider going someplace where things are different.

 

To reply to the topic of the original thread, I suspect that as a gross generalization, men need less emotional support than women do, much of the time. That's where I think it stems from. Men can be very passionate and thoughtful too, and of course there are many men who are bound to be far more emotionally outspoken then their female mates.

 

Another thing to consider is that men in general tend not to be as open about their feelings. The can feel strongly, and just not express it.

 

A third point is that apparently men process emotional responses seven times slower than females. That's a huge part of what gives women the maternal instinct, they process things like that so much faster and better, men just don't react anything like the same as women to emotional stimulus. That's built in, nothing we as men can do about it other than to realize and nurture the needs of our partners.

[The Morrigan]

It's funny - but I've actually found it the OPPOSITE in many cases.

 

I have now and have had a lot of guys as friends, so I don't get the "be strong for their girl" view, or the "act like a man in front of the guys" view, I get to hear the doubts and insecurities, and the feelings not expressed as often - and they seem all the stronger for the lack of frequent expression.

 

Most of us girls are raised to be expressive and vent our emotions, without the stigma of it looking weak - guys don't have that advantage. We're brought up to know it's ok to reach out and ask for support and understanding and look to our friends to lean on and bring us up when we're down. Most of the guys I've known have had much less experience reaching out and grabbing hold of that support when they need it - and end up holding onto their pain much longer, where it cuts more and more deeply.

 

Think about this if you will - while the rates for attempted suicide, often a cry for help, are higher among women, the "success" ratio is MUCH higher in men - why do you think that is? Even though depression (clinical) is at a higher rate in women?