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Broken Up - Sad, Anxious, Alone


bruisednotbroken
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Hi Peoples

 

Ex-GF and I broke up about 2 months ago...We have an intense love for one another but there were some fundamental problems. I have serious fear of intimacy issues (finally seeing a therapist) and she has some similar problems. Needless to say, we recognized that things werent where they were supposed to be and we decided some seperation was best.

 

We kept the lines of communication open...she and I exchanged emails, talked on the phone a few times. Most of it addressed the fact that we were still in love but somehow unable to make the relationship work.

 

Then, a few weeks into the breakup, I "realized" I wanted her back...I've loved her all along I've really been too much of a coward to let it happen. So I told her how I felt and what I wanted...and thats when she told me that she felt detached and she didnt know what she wanted. She had gone on some dates and she liked how it made her feel. This made me panic and I tried to force the issue. This just made her more confused.

 

So we stopped talking for a few days. Then she would call me or email me...she asked me to breakfast and we had coffee a few times. I obviously started to think that things were turning around. Then she would drop these bombs on me like "Im still not sure...I need time. Im sorry I called you". And then she would call me again. And the pattern would repeat.

 

So yesterday I send her an email, just saying hi and messing around. She responds saying she feels like shes lying to me...she has seen this guy and she may see him again. She's still not sure about us.

 

That really hurt...so I asked her to meet up with me last night and we did. I told her that she knows how I feel and that I cant change that, but what I can change is my behavior. We agreed not to talk or email or anything until one of us had something to say to the other person...she also said that she cant see anybody else, that it was creating too much conflict. I said "Fine, thats your decision, dont do that for me, do it for yourself"

 

So here I am, madly in love but unable to give it away. She is confused and I am not..we are both hurting inside. Its clear that we need time to put our minds and hearts back together. I hope that we work things out, but it may not happen. Im completely devastated...cant sleep, eat, all that even though I know its the right thing.

 

Thats enough for one post (too much probably).

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only time will really tell... if things do change or not. i'm not sure how long and the details of ur relationship with her but it does sound really special. although i know it's really hard to accept that she's moving on... you should give her a chance to really really think it through. she's torn between her past and her future.

 

of course we've all made mistakes in our lives, some not worth mentioning and others we can still change. who knows what happened during the 2 month time frame...maybe her life has really changed. i suggest you re-think about the problems that separated you two in the first place... and then see if it could ever be a problem again. (if you two were to date again). are you willing to accept the similarities and differences?

 

i guess that's all i have to say... wish you the best

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Thx for the response...we were together for 1 year 10 months. I agree that only time will tell and that she is stuck between the past and the future. I definitely dont want things to go back to the way they were...but I honestly believe the issues have been identified (for the most part) and they are hardly insurmountable. I guess I just have to sweat it out...try to keep myself moving forward. My father calls it "strapping yourself to the mast".

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