sandalznthesnow

You are completely open and honest. This is a wonderful start. These are very hard times but it seems like you are handling it better than 99% of the population. It is great that you are there for her but make sure you take care of yourself as well. Be well, S

I have tried calling her on her cell phone and IMing her. She looks at her e-mail about once a month. I guess I am a little skittish about trying to confide in our mutual friends. I am not totally out and I don't have the strength to start that circus just yet. I have told boldfaced lies to people who consider me a friend and I am ashamed of that. There are a lot of things I am uncomfortable with about myself But not with her. I felt confident enough to hold her hand and kiss her in public. I felt like if I had her by my side then nothing could hurt me. One thing that impressed me about her is that she just lays all of her cards on the table. She is so trusting of people. She has so many people to rely on and to talk to and I am happy for her. I just wish she trusted me enough to let me know what is going on. And I wish I had a support network of my own to hash this out with. I have decided to let myself grieve and leave her alone. I may send her an IM next week letting her know that I am there for her if she needs me. But I think I should get to know this hollow feeling inside of me. We may be each others company for a long time. Thank you for your insights into this. s

Thank you for these insights. I don't know many people I can rely on out here. I wish I could get the message. The first night we made love she told me that she was had been fighting her own demons, she didn't want to hurt me, and asked me to never give up on her. She said specifically "Don't give up on me" Not calling a person you claim to be enamored of on their birthday is pretty cold. Could it be that she was caught up in the moment and now I should really pay attention to the silent treatment and leave her alone? Is she testing me to see if I will pursue her? Should I wait her out? Should I let her know I still feel for her? Or is it appropriate to send her little e-mails. Nothing intense, just something along the lines of "I hope you have a wonderful day". Is that pathetic? or psycho? or hopeless? Sometimes I get too depressed to reach out to people and I start to feel better when people have the courage to reach out to me. But then again there are people who intrude on me, with the best of intentions, and it is hard to tell them to leave me alone. How do I even chart this course?

So this is not your typical girl meets girl story. Or maybe it is and I am just ignorant. I wish there was some sort of rules to this game. My straight girlfriends have "The Rules" and my straight guy friends have "The System". Are there some basic rules I should abide by? Has anyone been on any side of these situations? I met this woman at a party where most of the people were straight. THis woman, I will call her Gwyneth, there just isn't anyone else like her on earth. There was an instant connection. It was almost electric. It was like a question that I have been walking around unanswered suddenly had an answer . . I complimented her on her dress and blushed, hoping this woman wouldn't realize I had an instant crush on her. She told me about the store she got it from. Our eyes locked and we smiled and heaven became a reality. She asked me if I was with anyone. I said no and then she asked me to come out to her car with her. We shared the most intense kisses in her car. I gave her my number and she departed from the party. She invited me out to a friends place to watch movies two nights later. I kept talking to her on the phone as I was driving down there. She got very drunk while I drove down. She told me over and over again that she couldn't wait for met to get down there. When I came in the door I sat down next to her and we kissed. And then she passed out and slept on my arm. It was the most comfortable thing in the world. When I left I wrote her a poem and she woke up long enough to give me a kiss. Someone observed that "You must really like her, I can tell" I called her again and left her a message the following day. She called back and left me a message explicitly saying that she was not avoiding me and wanted to see me again. I went over to her house that night not realizing I was about to have the most spiritual experience of my life. I wasn't expecting so much intense passion between us. We talked and talked. Our conversation literally became heart to heart. What is that Joni Mitchell song "I remember the time you told me love is touching souls". But I digress. She asked god out loud why we could not have met earlier. Things would have made much more sense if we had found each other earlier. We made love and I still keep my dress from that night underneath my pillow because it smells like her. I wrote her poems and she told me they had captivated her heart. We finished each others sentences. We would say things out loud the other person merely thought. She would call me late at night and we would pour our hearts out to each other. * We had the same dreams!!! * We couldn't stop thinking about each other. Everyone asked my why I was wandering around looking so happy. The last time I saw her was a week ago. She said she was really sick last Friday. I heard from her again on Sunday and she said she would call on Monday. My birthday has gone by and she has not called. She was talking about making my birthday gift and how she couldn't wait to celebrate with me. She just overcame depression and she still has some old romances haunting her. It is so bewildering to go from having such a magical connection to having no communication at all. I am especially wounded from not even getting a phone call on my birthday. Were her words in vain? I don't meet people very easily and I was so cynical about love before I met her. I feel shot through the heart, I feel like my question is unanswered again. Maybe I am stupid for falling in love so quickly but why can't I hit the romance lottery for once? I was feeling a lot more secure in my little bubble of cynicism. Everyone has been remarking that now I look very lost. Should I be patient and not let this thing get all bent out of proportion? Is a few days too long to wait for a phone call, especially around my birthday? Does she want me to pursue her? Should I get lost? I can't tell b/c she won't even answer the phone. Please somebody help! What should I do? -sleepless in never never land