Self-centered and a fast talker... help please

[mcx69]

Ok, so for my new years resolution, I decided to focus more on my friends and others instead of myself so much. I realized that I always seem to talk about myself a lot, and it was bothering me. I asked my best friend about it and he said I was a little self centered, but it wasnt too bad. I still feel like I talk about myself too much, and do things thinking of only myself as I do them. Does anyone have any advice on how to start putting others first when talking to them? It seems like I cant find nothing to talk about, unless it happens to be me, then I can keep on going, and going, and going.... I make the energizer bunny jealous lol.

 

And then there is my fast speech problem. I always seem to talk fast when I get excited or am in a hurry. I have to repeat myself a lot and I feel like I confuse other people. It probably makes me sound a little younger than I really am as well. When I do try to slow down, it feels like I'm talking too slow, and I wonder if I'm talking too slow. Any ideas on how to correct these problems? I feel like these are hindering my ability to socialize correctly and it probably gives off bad impressions to people, especially girls I'm talking to.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

I HATE talking about myself. I mean...When I do, I feel guilty? Is that normal?

 

But enough about me...haha..

 

Seriously, I never talk about myself because it makes me feel uncomfortable.

 

Being the person I am, I think it's a bad thing to talk about yourself too much. But that could just be a flaw of mine? Maybe it's OK to talk about yourself, but I feel that I'm not good enough so I try to stay away from talking about "me"??

 

If talking about yourself is really starting to bother you, maybe you could just try some listening techniques? Maybe you could start asking more questions and giving less information about yourself. I figure, if someone wants to know something they will ask, right?

 

Do you go around telling everyone your business? I mean because it's one thing to talk about how you're doing and it's another to brag? So what do you find yourself doing the most?

[musicguy]

I just posted my thread about talking about myself llol

[rs.dallaire]

LISTEN, LISTEN, LISTEN.

 

I use this mental rule where I make sure that I don't speak more than 30-40% of the time during conversations. I also ensure I ask questions when people talk to me.

 

It's good that you've realized you have an issue with this and are trying to work on it. Honestly, there's nothing worse than someone who goes on and on AND won't listen.

[mcx69]

Do you go around telling everyone your business? I mean because it's one thing to talk about how you're doing and it's another to brag? So what do you find yourself doing the most?

 

It's not only that, but when I get asked a pretty simple question, I go on and explain all kinds of stuff that relates to it, and I bore people with explanations that they dont want. I cant seem to stop, I just feel this need to explain stuff I guess, lol.

[Kiwi_Sweet]

It's not only that, but when I get asked a pretty simple question, I go on and explain all kinds of stuff that relates to it, and I bore people with explanations that they dont want. I cant seem to stop, I just feel this need to explain stuff I guess, lol.

 

 

There's your problem...You feel obligated to explain things to people, even if it doesn't matter.

 

You don't owe anyone diddley squat!!! Please don't feel like you owe anyone an explanation. You should always keep it short and simple, unless they are prying information out of you. If you don't give a lengthy explanation do you feel like you are being dishonest?

[mcx69]

There's your problem...You feel obligated to explain things to people, even if it doesn't matter.

 

You don't owe anyone diddley squat!!! Please don't feel like you owe anyone an explanation. You should always keep it short and simple, unless they are prying information out of you. If you don't give a lengthy explanation do you feel like you are being dishonest?

 

Well, I just feel like I have to explain to make sure they understand. So, like for example: "Where are your keys?" "I dont know, maybe I left them with the person who was working on my car" Then I would go on about why my car was broke, and all that stuff. And I just over-explained again lol, by giving an example of my over-explaining.

[mcx69]

And I seem to have the same problem musicguy said in his post. I tell friends during school stuff about my life and my problems, or just other random stuff, that I'm sure they're not interested in. I just feel like I need to talk to somebody though, like I need to get it out, even if I know they dont care. And then I always feel stupid after I said it, cause I often get the look of "why the hell did you just tell me that?!?!"

[musicguy]

And I seem to have the same problem musicguy said in his post. I tell friends during school stuff about my life and my problems, or just other random stuff, that I'm sure they're not interested in. I just feel like I need to talk to somebody though, like I need to get it out, even if I know they dont care. And then I always feel stupid after I said it, cause I often get the look of "why the hell did you just tell me that?!?!"

 

hehe, we would have great phone conversations

[mcx69]

haha, definitely.

[bulletproof]

I know I'm repeating myself on here, but I've told a bunch of people to read How to Win Friends and Influence People. It's a little dated but it really helped me to learn how to have a conversation that wasn't completely one-sided. I hadn't even realized how bad I was until I read this. At least you are aware of the issue. That's a good start!

[Kiwi_Sweet]

And I seem to have the same problem musicguy said in his post. I tell friends during school stuff about my life and my problems, or just other random stuff, that I'm sure they're not interested in. I just feel like I need to talk to somebody though, like I need to get it out, even if I know they dont care. And then I always feel stupid after I said it, cause I often get the look of "why the hell did you just tell me that?!?!"

 

It's better than holding things in right?? You should never regret anything you say to somebody else...Especially if you want to get it off of your chest...Don't live your life with regrets!! Trust me..I do and it sucks!!!