Still hurting unfortunately....

[heynowwww]

Hey folks,

 

I have not been here for a long time and am still having trouble. Really quick, me and me first love broke up almost 2 years ago at this point. She began dating someone who she has been dating probably a year and a half. I botched this situation as bad as anybody could which has caused me a great deal of pain and I feel as though I have lost a lot of dignity and confidence. The problem was I was so weak in the situation and never put my foot down, we have been hooking up since she has been with this guy, the last time being the end of November, so eventho we have been apart for 2 years I am only about 2 months no contact. I still think of her everyday.

 

I am not struggling w/ wanting her back, it is more the fact that she may marry this man who she has cheated on. He is 10 years older than me and obviously is more established with his own house and what not. I just feel like I treated her so well and do not deserve to feel like a piece of crap if you know what I mean.

 

Some questions I have for those who know: Should I be over this? Why cant I realize she is a cheat and I am better off. Also, has anyone been in a situation where there first love ended up married to their next relationship and how do you deal with it. Sorry for the long unorganized post. I am just sick of feeling cold & miserable for the past 2 years. Thanks all.

[barbielovesmac]

Your continuing to hurt because you carried on with her even though she was with someone else. That was a bad choice but that's done and over with.

 

You need to keep up NC. It's time to truly heal and move on and the only way to do that is to go NC. Although there is no time stamp that we can put on it . . . you have to do what it takes and eventually with time you will get there. But staying away from her is your start.

 

Leave her alone. Let her live her life with her new man. You go about your life.

[1HelluvaGirl]

heynowwww, you can't put a timeline on healing. Like you said, you have been technically broken up for 2 years, but only 2 months NC. That's not very long at all, so give yourself a break.

 

Yes, your ex is wrong to be cheating on her current guy, and you don't deserve having to share a woman you care about with anyone else. She is being unfair to both of you (but mostly to the other man). You have the power here because you know she is cheating. This poor guy is totally unaware! You need to cut yourself lose from her and move on, as hard as this sounds.

 

No one can predict the future. They could get married. They could also get married and then get divorced. Chances are it would not be a happy marriage if this woman is behaving this way already.

 

I have had ex's get married after dating me. Yes, it can suck, but it is life.

 

You are lucky to be out of a relationship with this woman. It may not feel like it now, but trust me, you are.

[heynowwww]

I know it was wrong to be getting together when she was with the other man and I never initiated anything with her. Not to make any excuses but I was in a world of hurt at the time and was grasping at anything she would send my way. It bothers me how weak I actually was. She would come running and I would roll right over. I am trying to focus on my healing as much as possible, but I have never felt this low in my life and am having trouble shaking it off. Thanks for your responses.

[barbielovesmac]

Don't roll over to her should she do this again. It's only a sign of weakness and she needs to know she cannot run to you when she decides she wants to. She is with someone and that is no accecptable. It's no fair to him or you.

[bustertypsy]

Can you not see her for what she is,a cheater? The worse part about her is she has turned you into a cheater too.You know she is with another person but you choose to be with her.This girl is bad news and you need to steer clear of her.You may be 2 years split up,but only 2 months NC.From this moment on,stay away from this poisonous person.All she will do is drag you down to her level.She has absolutely no morals and she's gonna hurt many people in time,but she will probably end up hurting herself most.

[heynowwww]

I will never speak to her again. I finally realized after banging my head against the wall time and time again that it was not worth it. I know about turning me into a cheater, I feel as tho I lost a lot of dignity because of this. Almost as if I sacrificed my own soul and beliefs because I was so weak. I am now left to pick up the pieces and that is what I am trying to do. I just am losing the joy in life and come here for advice because I have never gone through this before, I appreciate your responses.

[bustertypsy]

Heynowww,the fact that you are posting here shows the type of person you are.You deserve the love of a good woman,who will love you for who you are.I know when we split up we think our life has come to an abrupt end.But life has a funny way of sorting itself out,and if you don't go looking like a lost soul,then when the time is right,the person for you will enter your life.You won't have to question who it is and neither will she.You will both know together,instantly.

 

So free yourself and take time for you.Let go of the bad,and embrace the good.There are so many great people out there looking for the exact same things as you.There is one for you and one for me.I am not going to force the issue,because I know it will happen when I am ready for it,and so will you.

Guaranteed,or your money back!!

[heynowwww]

Thank you so much for your help bustertypsy. I have always believed if I lived right good things would happen and someday I hope I will realize this was a blessing in disguise.