For The Kids Sake

[John Bendix]

I have to say that I see that emotional withdrawal is emotional withdrawal no matter the reasons for its inception or its purpose. Most (if not all) of the dysfunctional emotional defensive mechanisms that we create for ourselves, are manifested in the guise of self protection. More specifically, it is the ego that creates these defensive devices in order thwart off perceived emotional attacks to itself.

 

Emotional withdrawal is not considered a rational device. The "wall" that is erected during the onset of the withdrawal is a dysfunctional emotional defensive mechanism. It impacts the one who uses it as well as the relationships involved. Isolation is a habit being developed during withrawal. Learning to cope with the outside world in this manner can lead to suffering.

[daddy3boys]

I think there ARE reasons to divorce, and sometimes sadly it may be better for kids. But I think TOO MANY people use the kids being better off for the wrong reasons, or to simply justify their decision. When someone uses the example they need to make themselves happy first or somehow they can see into the future 15 yrs from now and somehow know the marriage couldn't improve or that the family unit wouldn't have been stronger sounds horribly short sighted and not well thought out. If there isn't physical violence, or constant arguing that has NO HOPE and sure other circumstances of course there are reasons that make sense. But if the kids love mom and dad, and knowing every family, every spouse will have faults disagreements and good and bad times YOU OWE IT TO YOUR CHILDREN, your spouse and yes YOURSELF to somehow make YOUR HAPPINESS above and more important than the happiness of others. The kids don't get to choose. And regardless if your spouse doesn't feel left in the dust and agrees you both made VOWS for good times and bad, rich poor n sickness health until DEATH do you part. If people would be willing to open their hearts and learn to forgive, the best shot is to work on the marriage you're in, and can you imagine the happiness and life lesson you taught your kids. It doesn't mean stay in a unhappy marriage, it means weather the storms and work on the love that seems lost but can be there and stronger than ever. Every longlasting marriage almost didn't make it but somehow they ALL say once you get past the point when you wanted to leave thenext 20 years were the best. Probably nice having one set of grandkids too.