Should I tell my parents he's beaten me?

[richie_nut]

I know that sounds like a dumb question but I'll try and condense the story.

My ex and I have had an on-off relationship for a while. Things got bad last week when he got all paranoid and threatened to ring my parents spinning stories about me (not that they would believe him).

 

My dad, understandably, got really angry and advised me just to have NC and ignore anything else he says or does. I live 700km away from my olds. I tried, I really did, I have no justification for replying to the txts he sent saying he was sorry and wanted to give me my stuff back.

 

So we hung out for the day yesterday and everything seemed to be fine. Then we got to my place and things got really bad. We got into a fight about something, don't even know what now, and to piss him off I took his cellphone. This sent him wild. He proceeded to pummel me for probably 20 minutes, punching me in the head, shoulders, back and biting me so hard on my arm it's left a definitive mark. My ear also started bleeding.

 

He then broke down crying and apologised saying he didn't know what he wanted and that it wouldn't happen again. He apologised over and over before putting me to bed and promising to be a better person. He also rung me later in the night to see if I was okay.

 

I'm now covered in bruises that people at work have commented on today and I can barely move I'm so sore. But I'm not entirely sure I should tell my parents. They're so far away they'll do nothing but worry and I have a feeling they'll order me to move away which, with my wonderful job and friends here, I don't really want to do. I don't want them to freak out, I've put them through enough with this guy as it is. I'm so close to my family though that it feels awful to keep something like this from them. They're going to be so disappointed that I saw him and I don't want to put them through anymore stress.

 

Sigh. Any suggestions helpful...I've never been in this situation before.

[havefaith]

Ok, I know I'm going to be the first of many to say this.

 

YES YOU SHOULD TELL THEM!

 

Not only should you tell them, you should tell the police. This guy is dangerous and there is NO REASON he should EVER lay a hand on you.

 

You may have had a dramatic time with this guy before but this crosses the line. Your parents will be MORE THAN HAPPY that you told them ... and they will be there to help you - that's what parents are for.

 

I know you don't want to move but don't you feel like it would be necessary? This is a volatile man and you may not be safe in the position you are in right now. 20 minutes of beating is enough to kill someone.

 

I don't mean to scare you girl, I just want you to get out ASAP. Please don't become just a stupid statistic.

 

We are here to help you through it! Call your parents now!

[Aleadragonhawk]

Suggestion #1: Go to the police. Immediately. Get a restraining order against this guy. There is never an excuse for hitting your partner, and twenty minutes? Biting you so hard that you have marks? Bleeding from your ears and barely able to move? This isn't a small incident that can be worked past - it's huge trouble and an enormous red flag. Please, please, please do NOT go any where near this guy. If he'll beat you once, he'll beat you again, and you might not get lucky next time.

 

Suggestion #2: Tell your parents. I know that you don't want to tell them because you feel like you'll be burdening them, but it's important that they know. You need someone to talk to, and they can be a great support system in this time. Your family can give you the strength to do what you need to do.

[pepsi71ocean]

Honestly, i know a few girls in your position, and ones was in a worser position.

 

First get out, and hide from the radar. Don't let him see you don't reply to him, this is a vishious cycle and it doesn't get better it NEVER does. Talk to your parents, and tell them everything.

 

I can only imagine how in bad of a shape you are in, i once tackled an attacking bf after a fight was going on for about 10 mins. Trust me it will not stop. get out, and if you can take anything of importance with you, or if you have no time just bolt. And then regoup later. move away from him, and change your tele number, and forget he exists, you deserve a better man then that.

 

I don't mean to scare you girl, I just want you to get out ASAP. Please don't become just a stupid statistic.

 

We are here to help you through it! Call your parents now!

[AnxiousGirl]

OMG, I'm SO sorry that this happened to you. My heart goes out to you! No man should ever raise his hands to you.

 

He's a classic abuser. He'll beat the crap out of you, apologize, and tell you it will never happen again...yeah right! It ALWAYS does! Abusers RARELY change.

 

I think you should get an order of protection against him. Change your phone #'s and the locks on your doors. I also think you should file a police report. He physically assaulted you! Please run for the hills away from this guy. These types of relationships are extremely hard to leave, especially emotionally.

 

Honestly, I think I would be almost embarrassed to tell my family that a man beat me. I know it would worry them, and I'm sure my father would be out for blood. If you feel like they can be supportive in this matter then I would share it with them. Preferrably in person so it's more personal. Try therapy too so you can work through all your feelings. I'm sure you would greatly benefit by this.

 

Again, I'm terribly sorry that you had to endure all this pain. I wish you the best of luck. Please take the proper steps to get him out of your life for good!

[Aleadragonhawk]

Have you gone to see a doctor yet?

[richie_nut]

Thank you everyone for the support...the words alone are helpful.

 

I haven't seen a doctor yet, I'm not sure if that's a necessity. I have a big dark red mark on my hip which I only just noticed tonight and it's incredibly painful. If it gets worse I'll get to a dr.

 

I don't understand what happened. He's never been violent to me and we've been together seriously for 4 years, on-off for the last year. AnxiousGirl I hear you there, I am extremely embarrassed to tell my family as they've warned me over and over to just break it off altogether. My dad will be fuming - in fact I have no doubt they'd be up here in a flash.

 

The one bit of good news is this guy doesn't have access to my house - he can't drive and lives a good half-hour drive away.

 

I'm taking deep breaths. Thinking what to tell my parents. He's called me again today and acted so sorry and upset, but also threatened that if I got the police involved "there will be consequences." I just want my mum!

[pepsi71ocean]

Well thats good to be begin with, no car and distance, and no access, which puts you ahead of the game. I'de suggest then avoiding him all together. Trust me abusive male side of him will show more and more with time.

 

I'm taking deep breaths. Thinking what to tell my parents. He's called me again today and acted so sorry and upset, but also threatened that if I got the police involved "there will be consequences." I just want my mum!

 

Not to rain on your parade, but he isn't sorry, If he was he would have said anything of the sort. Listen to this guy, "there will be consequences", i have heard that before, I once walked into the middle of a fight where my friend jess called me because she got the police involved and her abusive boyfriend pulled out a S&W on her. What she didn't have was a Restraining order, which is where i now say...

Honestly ignore him, and get a restraining order against him, and take pictures right now. take all the pictures of the bruises you have. This way when you go for the restraining order you can have it be immediately set. And don't be afraid to call the cops. With a restraining order against him you have alot of power, you won't have to deal with him once you have a restraining order against him.

[AnxiousGirl]

Oh h3ll no!! HE'S telling YOU there will be consequences?? I think he's trying to make you scared because he knows his @ss could be sitting behind bars. There's shelters for battered women. Please go to one for help. Please don't let this piece of crap stop you!! Reading that just made me so mad

 

I'd stop taking his calls. Don't give him any more attention. Even though you say he lives far away and doesn't have a car he still has legs! If you're driven enough you'll walk, ya know? I'm afraid he would stalk you or find you when you least expect it and beat you even harder! You really should go to a doctor or a hospital to be checked out. For all you know you could have a concussion. Don't let this guy intimidate you!!!

 

I can see how you would feel embarrassed telling your parents but they're your parents! I'm sure they're going to be upset, but not with you, just at this guy that hit you. I'm sure you will receive tons of support. You always think the worst, but family can really come through and be there for you when you need them the most.

[Aleadragonhawk]

Thank you everyone for the support...the words alone are helpful.

 

I haven't seen a doctor yet, I'm not sure if that's a necessity. I have a big dark red mark on my hip which I only just noticed tonight and it's incredibly painful. If it gets worse I'll get to a dr.

 

 

I'm taking deep breaths. Thinking what to tell my parents. He's called me again today and acted so sorry and upset, but also threatened that if I got the police involved "there will be consequences." I just want my mum!

 

Go see a doctor. At the very least they can give you some pain killers to help with this. Report it to the police. Don't let this guy stay in a position of power in your life. He doesn't get to tell you what to do.

 

As for telling your parents, just tell them flat-out what happened. There's no way to really lessen the blow. "Mom, I need to talk to you." Then tell her what you told us here.

[backagain]

i've never been this situation or know anyone in it...

 

BUT....just know this......a WHOLE BUNCH of NORMAL GUYS would love to take a baseball bat to ur ex-boyfriends head if this is the game he wants to play (beating you, threatening you...etc)...

 

tell ur parents....im sure u already saw everyone saying this....

if u feel threatened in ANY WAY, get the cops involved...

 

if really really u dont want to get the cops involved...do u have any close AND NORMAL GUY friends around? i GUARANTEE you they will help in EVERY WAY AND FORM! even if it means feed ur ex-boyfriend his own medicine, such as surrounding his house with 20 guys with baseball bats! (i know this sounds extreme and immature but sounds like ur ex needs a bit of scare, he is a low-self-esteemed dude on power trip)

 

GOOD LUCK and come back here often if u need even that bit of support.

[Nurseman]

I have read what everybody else posted and I fully agree with them. I see the hesitancy in your writings and while I don't completely understand it, I am not at all surprised by it. I've seen it before.......a lot.

 

I have an acquaintance who fell in love with this guy who made her move to Mexico with him. He beat her constantly. The Mexican Police put him in jail several times and she ALWAYS went to bail him out. She told me how she pleaded with the Magistrate to let him out, "Because I LOVED him".

One night, he shot her in the head. The bullet went through (among other things) both of her optic nerves. She is now blinded for life. She was 22 at the time.

Oh, yeah. Her B/F killed himself, that night. She STILL grieves for him. She MISSES him.

 

The people who have written that "he is dangerous" and "you need to get away from him" aren't saying that just because it's politically correct. They aren't writing that to practice their typing. They are saying it because they.....WE are concerned. We are frightened for you. The man you fell in love with 4 years ago has CHANGED, for the worse. He has lost control of himself. You can love him all you can but it won't be enough.

 

You have to protect yourself. He has crossed a line. He hit you repeatedly and you didn't do anything about it. There IS a part of him that is thinking, "Well, she took THAT without complaining". and it won't be so hard for him to justify, to himself, to do it again. Next time he may not stop.

 

It is imperative, it is CRITICAL that you call the Police. You need to talk to somebody who will listen to you. You need some help. If you don't want to tell your folks, I understand. You stood up for this guy when THEY said "He's no good". You defended him. That's ok. Millions of women have had to do the same thing. But if the roles were reversed, and it was YOUR daughter in distress, would you be looking to rub her nose in it? They won't either.

 

Call the cops. Call your family. I promise, it won't be so bad.

 

(((HUGS)))

[backagain]

sorry i keep feeling the need to say this...

 

if all else fails, get ur guy friends to teach him a lesson....A GOOD ONE

 

this is how angry i am for you.

[pepsi71ocean]

BUT....just know this......a WHOLE BUNCH of NORMAL GUYS would love to take a baseball bat to ur ex-boyfriends head if this is the game he wants to play (beating you, threatening you...etc)...

 

I second that, and ive done it before, but without a baseball bat.

 

 

 

One night, he shot her in the head. The bullet went through (among other things) both of her optic nerves. She is now blinded for life. She was 22 at the time.

 

You have to protect yourself. He has crossed a line. He hit you repeatedly and you didn't do anything about it. There IS a part of him that is thinking, "Well, she took THAT without complaining". and it won't be so hard for him to justify, to himself, to do it again. Next time he may not stop.

 

I agree, and i've had to dis-arm a drunk abusive person with a pistol waling it around. He repeatedly threatened to shoot her though the door to her apartment. You can never know what he is capable of, abusive or not he can pull a gun out of nowhere. Second part, its entirely true.

 

 

sorry i keep feeling the need to say this...

 

if all else fails, get ur guy friends to teach him a lesson....A GOOD ONE

 

this is how angry i am for you.

 

While thats a great idea and all, it really is a last resort in case the police fail to do anything. Because he could then sue your friends for damages occurred, and remember the judge will have to consider all aspects but he will tell you you could have gone to the police.

[timzter]

My dad was very abusive to my mother, and she found it hard to leave him as he was always feeling guilty for hitting her and would beg for forgiveness. And she did, but she was naive and young. She then fell pregnant with me and she knew if she didn't get out, both our lives were in danger.

 

There was no excuse for him to lay a hand on you... You don't deserve this! Tell you parents, if you find it hard to tell them, write it in a letter.

[johnmmm]

Phone The Police And Get As Fare Away From This So Called Man As Possible.

[zettie]

Please leave!!!

My ex, father of my child started hitting me when I was 4-5 months pregnant - after a loving relationship of 4 years. We were together for more than 6 years. Last 2 years were hell on earth. He was ALWAYS sorry!!!! promise to NEVER EVER hurt me again. He LOVES me.

 

I loved him and did'nt hurt him,he loved me but was hurting me timeously. DOES NOT MAKE SENSE!!! IT ONLY STARTED! TRUST ME HE WILL BLAME YOU IN THE FUTURE FOR EVERYTHING.

 

TRUST ME IT IS NOT EASY TO LEAVE BUT YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY!!!!

 

THERE ARE TRUE GENTLEMEN AND LOVING TEDDY BEARS WHO WILL APPRECIATE YOU. YOU definitely DESERVE BETTER.

[richie_nut]

Well I haven't rung my parents yet, mostly because at the time I wrote I had taken half a sleeping pill cos I start work at 4am today. But I have a feeling I will ring them today. I can't begin to imagine how worried and disappointed they're going to feel, but I know they would be more so if I kept it from them.

 

You guys have been awesome. Thanks so much. It's nice to know there's somewhere anonymous and friendly to turn to if I really can't face my parents.

 

I feel so dumb cos I always said if I guy ever touched me like that I wouldn't stand for it, yet here I am.

[SapphireNoir10]

Please, please please. Phone the police and get rid of him. Take pictures of your bruises for evidence.

 

Next time. You might die. He might not mean to kill you but one miss aimed punch can be the end of your life. I remember on the news this boy was punched just once in the face and he dropped down dead. Dont LET that be you. Dont let yourself die young.

 

Get a restraining order. Get your parents around you. You need support. Get rid of him because next time you might not be so lucky.

[skittles52026]

I really think that you should tell them. I have the same sort of relationship with my parents, I tell them anything and everything. You should never keep something this big from your parents, because says something else would happen, they will at least know and be able to help you.

 

P.S.: He is never going to change no matter how much you want him to, You really need to stay away from him.

[pepsi71ocean]

I feel so dumb cos I always said if I guy ever touched me like that I wouldn't stand for it, yet here I am.

 

Don't put yourself down, i know a few girls that have said that. Your not dumb he changed over time and there is nothing you can do about that. Just move on and find a better guy.

 

If it makes you feel better tell a friend or two and ask them if you run into trouble if they can help you out. Thats what my friend jess did. I'm always on call with her. Ive helped her out several times and one time it was me and another guy that came to the rescue. I'm sure that you have a male friend or two that would help you out that way.

[richie_nut]

I'm on the phone to my mum now. She's the best.

She wants me to see a doctor and take pictures of the bruises. Pretty much what you guys said. I feel bad for burdening her with this but at the same time it's a relief to get it talked about...I've been physically sick over it all today.

She's not 100% about laying charges, she wants to talk to his parents though. So we'll see what happens. But a million thanks to you all - I really couldn't have done this without you. I certainly don't feel stronger or myself at the moment but I feel a little better. So thank you! And hopefully this is the beginning of a new chapter for me...

[Aurian]

Let me say that no matter how he acted now, what you're seeing is his true self. I took a long time to realize that I had to leave my ex because he was Mr. Perfect for two years before starting to get abusive. I even believed him when he said it was my fault and that if I tried harder, he would stop having to hurt me.

 

Sounds sad doesn't it? But you know it feels different when you're in the middle of things.

 

Check out the website in my signature sometime. Might give you some insight on him and yourself.

 

I eventually divorced my abusive ex. It was hard to let go at first, but these days I feel so LIBERATED. No more yelling, tantrums, put-downs, being grabbed, having stuff thrown, being threatened, having my family threatened, etc, etc, etc.

 

I even found someone who really treats me with love, kindness and respect. I would have missed out on that if I stuck with el Loser, along with my newfound self-respect.

 

So please, stay away from him, no matter what else you decide to do. This isn't someone you need in your life, no matter how much he begs, pleads and promises to change. They never do. Next time it might be worse. My ex, it just kept escalating and got worse and worse. We're here if you need support and I am sure your family would like to suppor you too. Both ENA and my family helped me.

[zettie]

Hi, I'm really happy and PROUD of you.

Remember when you see him face to face, he will look sorry and loving. Just watch when you do'nt respond positive to his "act". He WILL get angry. They always playing these acts on you until the next outburst. Do not let him fool you. I lied to myself for a long time, I just realised one day, enough is enough!!!!

 

PLEASE REMEMBER: DO NOT BE ALONE WITH HIM - EVER (He will try to convince you to stay-play emotional games) I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT.

 

I wish you everything of the best. It takes time, but things get better and better.

 

ZETTIE (SOUTH AFRICA)

[Aleadragonhawk]

Good on you for calling your mom! I agree with staying away from him, but I don't know if I'd necessarily go for calling and talking to his parents. That's what you do when a twelve year old punches someone on the playground, not when an adult man beats his girlfriend until she's bruised and bleeding. Don't be tempted to play the seriousness of this down. It's easy to do because it's hard to face what has happened, but you know that this is a serious matter and not something that should be swept under the rug.

 

Do you have an appointment yet to see a doctor?