Confused

[ILJ02d]

Well my now ex and I have broken up. Dated for 4 years and lived together for the past year.

 

He stopped living at our place in mid October and we actually said the words out loud in December. Since then I decided to cancel the lease on our place and had movers come in and put our stuff in storage. I didnt want to live there anymore. I went to stay with my family that is about 4 hours away to try and help me deal with this.

 

I talked to him this Monday and told him what I had done and he said "alright" and continued to talk to me asking me how i was, we talked about work and our dog etc. we ended the conversation with him saying "it was good to hear your voice and be safe"

 

his mom still stays in contact with me b/c i use her as a job reference (i am not currently working) and she likes to know how i am doing and our dog. well i decided to go back and start looking for a place to live and meet with some companies about some potential job opportunities. on thursday i got a call from his mom letting me know a company had called her and she gave me a great reference. then we were talking and i told her that i had given up the apt and all our stuff was in storage.

 

she asked if the place would allow him to get his stuff and i said yes, i have a key and he can have it to go and get his stuff. she said cool.

 

so then i called him the next day to leave him a msg and said "hey your mom called me and said you wanted your stuff, its 2:32 so you are at work so call me when you get a chance and let me know what you want me to do re: arrangements"

 

he didnt call back. so i sent him a msg the next day saying that i was going to be leaving to go out and that i could drop the key off for him so he could please take care of this tomorrow.... still no reply

 

i really dont understand what is going on with him since he "supposedly" said that he wants his stuff.

 

i sent him a final msg asking "if he was ok, that i spoke with him the other day and he seemed good. it was my understanding that he wanted his stuff. is this true? that i wasnt trying to be rude or difficult, just trying to make this as easy as possible and do what i thought it is that he asked for. i had hoped that we could still be a part of each others lives and when we spoke the other day, i thought that was actually a possibility, if that is not something you want then ok. once you can make the arrangements and we can move on from this. i am fine with w/e make you happy. i am not saying to go back to the way things were... sometimes its nice to have a fresh slate. it was just hopeful that we could be cool again."

 

i just figured that if we take care of this, then there is no need for us to have anymore communication and that be it. i dont understand how he was fine on monday, now he is singing a different tune.

 

please, any thoughts on this or suggestions? thanks for any help

[Galaxie]

i think your trying to handle this as easy as you can. i just think he isn't quite ready to see you yet and that's why he isn't making the effort to get his things.

[ILJ02d]

Well I mean we have been apart for some time. We saw each other a couple of times and i havent seen him for the last month. This has been going on for awhile now. I think its time either we figure things out or just handle these last odds and ends and move on separately.

 

Of course i would like it if he were in my life but i cant stay in limbo.

[vintage tees]

Hey there ILJ02d,

 

Sorry to hear about this situation you are in. Now how would I handle this........

 

Your post does not state the reasons surrounding the breakup and who was the one that initiated it, etc. I think for me that would be somewhat helpful to know.

 

Any way, he could be avoiding the phone call because that is basically the final closure of the relationship. Once he picks up his stuff it closes the chapter on you in each other's lives which can be a very hard final step for some to take. By him leaving his stuff there he still keeping himself remotely, all be it minutely, apart of your life.

 

Since you do some open dialogue with his mom, although I never suggest involving parents in these situations, you could mention it to her the next time you speak that you have been trying to contact him about getting his stuff that is in storage. Another possibility would be telling her that you are going to drop his stuff off, that is if you are capable of moving his belongings.

 

If you really want to close this thing you may have to take this one step further than you originally hoped for.

[finalcloud13]

If it's not a problem for you, maybe you should offer that he could come pick up his things whenever he's ready to. Or if you have reason to be in his home area, you could drop off his things at his home.

 

Are you the dumper? I also feel it would be more helpful to know.

[ILJ02d]

i am not the dumper. it would take a couple of car trips to drop off his stuff. i really dont know what is going on with him.

 

he sounded good the other day now he is nowhere to be found and not getting back in touch with me. to have to wait again for him to come around is torture. why cant we just deal with this and decide if we are going to try and work things out.