I cheated - Advice please

[desertrose]

Hello, I could really use some advice right now. I'm sorry if I'm posting this is the wrong place, I'm a first time user.

 

I guess I'll post some background info. Chris and I have been going out for almost 3 years. We have lived together along with a mutual best friend. The last 5-6 months haven't been great for Chris and I. We just weren't connecting. On one drunk night out with my roommate, we kissed. But stopped because we realized what we were doing.

 

Although we had disussed going our own ways, nothing was certain yet. When he sensed that something was up. He left me. I lied to him about it and its something I'm not proud of. About a couple weeks later my roommate and I slept together. I confessed to Chris who now wants nothing to do with either of us. I can understand this...

 

But now I've been thinking, and dispite all the hurtful stuff he has said to me. I want him back in my life. I've come to terms with a lot of issues I've had and all I want to do is show him that I can be that perfect girlfriedn he thought I was. My roommate and I discussed things and nothing is going on we're just friends. However chris doesn't believe this although I tired to tell him.

 

Sorry for my rambling, but I'm at a loss. I screwed up a very meaningful relationship. what do you thing?

 

thanks to everyone

[Michelle2234]

I believe that you were lucky to get him the first time...would you want to be with someone who cheated on you?

[Osiris]

Greetings desertrose,

 

Well no wonder your boyfriend is not happy about it. You not only kiss some stranger it was his good friend as well! If you still love him, call him back and explain yourself. However you can`t force person into relationship. Plus you have`t posted here what kind of problems were present in your relationship before it went to an end.

 

Maybe it better that you are went each they own way.

 

Well no matter what you future might be, next time when you are in relationship don`t do it again.

 

That is my opinion. The choice is yours!

 

Osiris.

[adidas7fire]

i agree with the last reply. just give chris some time to cool down and then later on try to explain what happened. if he is understanding, you'll know. but know that for anyone that has been cheated on, it really cuts deep no matter what you say to the person to try to fix things. but i wish you the best of luck... and if it's meant to be, then he'll come back and accept your apology. good luck!

[Gilgamesh]

Hello Desertrose

 

The last 5-6 months haven't been great for Chris and I. We just weren't connecting.

 

connection is a two way process, could it be because someone wasnt putting their interests in the right direction? maybe because someone was connecting somewhere else like:

 

On one drunk night out with my roommate, we kissed. But stopped because we realized what we were doing.

 

What did you realize what you were doing? what do you feel was wrong about it? thats important because it will tell you a lot about yourself.

 

Although we had disussed going our own ways, nothing was certain yet. When he sensed that something was up. He left me

 

look at that quote above, read it again, do you see it? what happened here is, YOU discussed going your own separate ways and he sensed something was up because of this.

 

About a couple weeks later my roommate and I slept together

 

So you finally fullfilled your fantasy, I guess you didnt stop this time to realize "what you were doing" .

 

confessed to Chris who now wants nothing to do with either of us

 

I dont blame him.

 

My roommate and I discussed things and nothing is going on we're just friends

 

Just the way "nothing was going on" before right? hey you fullfilled your little fantasy and he got into your panties so hey everything is just fine and dandy again.

 

However chris doesn't believe this although I tired to tell him.

 

really now?, if this wasnt a serious forum id think this was a comedy.

 

I screwed up a very meaningful relationship. what do you thing?

 

I think you screwed up a very meaningful relationship. Chris would have to be a nut to trust you again, let me explain what trust is:

 

trust something someone gives you because they trust you not to hurt them, they trust that you are not capable of breaking that trust. you went out of your way to break that trust. a drunkin kiss is one thing, but sleeping with this "good friend" 2 weeks after the breakup YOU caused in the first place was just plain bad. Oh by the way, dont know how you can call this other guy a friend, he betrayed his friend, and never respected you or your relationship, and takes advantage of any situation to get into your pants. you know something, you were made for each other. You dont deserve someone like Chris.

 

I hope he finds someone that wont betray his trust.

[lunatic]

What you did was wrong and I wont beat you up over it. I think that Chris will never trust you again and I also don't blame him. You should have thought about that before you slept with your mutual friend. I can only say that you did screw up and it probally will not be the same if you two get back together (trust me on this one been there done that). I can only say that nothing happens by accident and you should learn from this one. I would leave you ex alone and let him contact you. I would not hold my breath on this one. I would do some deep reflecting on what happened to end your last relationship. I would think about how you got to this point by your actions. A relationship is a two way street and it sounds like there was no talking going on before the act happened.

 

I am sorry that you are hurting but, I can't say I blame Chris for never wanting to see you again.

 

Hubman

[routerx]

I think all you can do is just tell him what is in your post.

 

There isn't a magic trick to win someone back. I would have a very hard time dating a girl who slept with a roommate of mine, but if she didn't push it on me, and let me choose, it could happen.

 

Speak your mind.. then give it time... if he's going to come back it has to be on his terms.

[The Morrigan]

Unfortunately, I think chances are all you're going to be able to do is learn from this experience.

 

Trust is a pretty fragile thing, much more easily shattered than built, and in this case, it was a double whammy - his girlfriend, and his friend.

 

You already know what you did was terribly wrong. Now you're going to have to do some serious soul searching to figure out why you didn't have the control to come to sense before you followed through on this, why the brakes weren't working so to speak to slam them on, because your conscience should have been screaming in your ear, and so should your friend's. It didnt, or not in time, and the why may be something about yourself you don't like finding, but until you figure it out, you can't start to do something about it.

 

Since you probably can't fix this situation - it's now your less than enjoyable job to learn from it what you can.

 

The best you can do now with your ex is give him a heartfelt apology, accept responsibility for it, and leave him to decide on his own whether or not he wants to approach you again.

 

Oh, and IMO, if you want to have a snowball's chance in hell of even being on speaking terms with him again - ditch the friend; any guy who sleeps with his friend's girl has shown no respect or thought for either of them or for their relationship. To me that's not much of a friend, I've had better enemies. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's honest.

[desertrose]

Thanks for the replies...

 

We had many problems in our relationship before... mainly just communication.

 

Its early, he came and got some of his stuff today... he wouldn't talk to me.

 

Thanks for all the advice. I just wish I could fix the things I've done wrong....

[Osiris]

Just my humble opinion.

 

Life is not as simple as it seems. I think it`s up to two people involved to make a final desicion on a matter.

It`s very hard to acccess situation over internet, without knowledge of the fine details.

 

My senses telling me that there is something more here. Maybe desertrose have`t posted all facts. * hmm looks while I was typing the desertrose posted more info * I do understand that is hard to share.

 

Well if you think I am wrong, feel free to correct me.

 

Sincerely yours,

 

Osiris.