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Got home a little while ago...

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I fell asleep in a friends chair. Nothing to do with partying. We were all talking and the next thing ya know, I am asleep. I woke up later and she and I talked a little, etc.


Anyway, so, I come home to a very cold, empty apartment. The moment I got into my car, the thoughts of her started. I know they will at sometime be easier. I know that they won't be as often.


For right now though, they are. I can see her everywhere. I can "SEE" her sitting next to me in my truck and "HEAR" what she would say. I can see her little smirk at one of my smarta** comments.


I can still remember her perfume or how she takes her coffee.


I am so wide awake and miss her so much. I have asked God, wondered about fate and everything else, as to why things happen the way they do/did. I know we all search for answers...


I have even tried to convince myself that it is ok to "not" know.


I told my friend that my ex put herself second all the time and I just wished that she would realize what a wonderful, generous, kind, loving woman she was and yet she could never see it.


My friend replied, "I can see why you saw that in her, because that is how you are."


I know there is NOTHING I could do to change things, once she set the breakup in motion. I also know that everything that is happening, had to happen and is making me a better person.


I know that with every great struggle, comes a great price...this one, well, just kinda sucks...

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