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broken up but having sex with her AGAIN -- confused!


in_flux
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quick background: i'm 33, my girlfriend is 24. been with my girlfriend for more than 2.5 years, living together the last 2 years ... about 3 months ago she decided to break up with me, saying she wasn't happy in the relationship and just felt like she couldn't be monogamous, etc etc ... then about a month later she cme to me crying and said she felt like she made a mistake, wanted to get back together (she hadn't moved out) ... so i took her back. things were good for abotu a week or two, then she went back to being distant again (like she was the few weeks before the first breakup) ... two weeks ago i was like, what's up? level with me. and she again was like, 'this isn't working, i feel like i've changed, the sexual attraction just isn't there between you and me" etc etc etc... so we decide to break up and she's planning to look for a place ...

 

ok, well, a few days ago, however, i was in the bedroom and she got into bed with me and we ended up having sex ... but we were like, ok, this doesn't change anything, we're still broken up ... but she did say that she just couldn't help it because the sex between us is so damn good (we do have a pretty amazing connection that way, i must admit) ... so then we had sex again today, and the past few days actually have been pretty good, we're getting along pretty well and stuff ... she's not being distant or cold and i, in turn, am feeling a bit closer to her because she's not pushing me away ... so my inclination is to be like, ok let's just take this day to day, lets not call ourselves "boyfriend and girlfriend," we'll just see how things go ... but the problem is that now i feel like i am in this limbo, like tomorrow she could change her mind and hurt me again ... dunno ... should i just cut this off completely or go with how it's been lately and just expect her to drop the ball again? if i think negatively like that tho, it might push her in that direction ... not sure what to do ... should she still move out so we get that space between us and see how things progress? dunno if i should end it or nurture it ... a very confusing situation.

 

what do you think? girls and guys opinions both would be great!!

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My opinion is tell her that it's a relationship or it's nothing.

 

You are going to feel confused everytime she does this. What do u tell your friends and family? you are a couple or just friends. Friends dont sleep together. It just makes the situation more complicated. What about your feelings? What about when she sleeps with some one else and saids that their just friends?

 

just a thought

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It may be that she finds having sex with you comfortable. You've been together for a while, she used to you, and she likely enjoys it. It's a fairly low stress situation going to bed with somebody you've done it with many times before.

 

You have to decide what it's doing to you, and if it confuses you, or you don't like it, then I'd suggest you let her know and tell her you don't want to.

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Just an opinion - but, unless you're happy continuing this indefinitely, and basically being "friends with benefits," you're going to have to take a stand on it. Friends with benefits ONLY works when both parties have the same emotional involvement and only feel a very close friendship - it doesn't work when one party is in love with the other and it's unrequited, because that party will always want the "something more." And unless you do something now - if her feelings are the same when she left - she's going to be quite comfortable in this situation. You won't be. That's not very fair to you. You don't have to be mean about it, just tell her you aren't comfortable being in the situation where you guys sleep together with no committment, because you're still in love with her and want more than that from your relationship, and it hurts you. Right now she has no incentive to make a firm decision - she has you, and she has her freedom. It's one thing if she is honestly considering getting back together with you, but quite another if she's the only one getting only positive benefits from the situation, you need to find out her intentions and go from there, not let speculation tear you apart.

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