Male v/s Female Dumpers

[blindreepr]

Seriously! That's one thing you just don't know going into a relationship. Who's to know if this person is going to have doubts a few weeks, months or years down the line?

 

GIGS (Grass is Greener Syndrome) is something you find in people who have little sense of faith and who are unable to appreciate what they have but, rather, are always wanting what they do NOT have.

 

I think the solution is to find someone who loves themselves and is happy with their self as a person. I think many times the reason that someone leaves because of GIGS (i like that acronym) is because they are searching for happiness in someone else, rather than in themselves.

 

A person pursuing happiness in other people can do a lot of damage to themselves and other people in the process. IE - GIGS

[glimmerofhope]

It's just such a shame--to pass one's life constantly looking for what is absent instead of finding happiness in the good that is there all along.

[emalkoc]

Am I the only one who now feels like the only way to sustain a relationship these days is to be perfect?

 

It seems like as soon as our significant others discovered something in us which they perceived to be a flaw, it came time for them to start investigating other options (i.e., "clearly this person is not the one for me if x is wrong with them).

 

It is also called as Western Culture Disease of Century...= 50+% divorce rates...

 

Yes, my ex for instance very easy give up person..She thinks man should just obey and follow whatever woman expects and arranges...Well, she can now find a puppet

 

She has been complaining to me the other day in chat that her work is so hard lately, she has financial issues, she does not have time to cook much, well, then she said praised me that How good cook I am, how good father I could be, I am very smart and lucky financially, ....etc.....I almost said to her that you could spend rest of your life to find another me again & loving you Grass is very greener for her...

[love4life]

I think the solution is to find someone who loves themselves and is happy with their self as a person. I think many times the reason that someone leaves because of GIGS (i like that acronym) is because they are searching for happiness in someone else, rather than in themselves.

 

A person pursuing happiness in other people can do a lot of damage to themselves and other people in the process. IE - GIGS

 

And hopefully, since I think all of us here have just come out of relationships with people who were unhappy with themselves, we'll be able to spot the signs of such people in the future.

[glimmerofhope]

Oh, and back to the gender-split thing: gents, we live in a new world. Women are smart, liberated, and capable of being financially independent.

 

The days where they stick by your side through thick and thin because they need you are (mostly) long gone. If they don't like what you bring to the table, it's split city.

[love4life]

It's just such a shame--to pass one's life constantly looking for what is absent instead of finding happiness in the good that is there all along.

 

Amen to that! I went through a period looking to find happiness from within and I finally found that inner peace and happiness shortly before I met my ex.

[love4life]

Oh, and back to the gender-split thing: gents, we live in a new world. Women are smart, liberated, and capable of being financially independent.

 

The days where they stick by your side through thick and thin because they need you are (mostly) long gone. If they don't like what you bring to the table, it's split city.

 

This is true. I will say that as a woman who lives on her own, makes more money than all my female friends (and some male friends), and has no debt to speak of, I do expect a partner to be on the same level as I am, or at least headed that way - and that simply comes down to strong work ethic and dedication and commitment to your decisions.

[blindreepr]

Amen to that! I went through a period looking to find happiness from within and I finally found that inner peace and happiness shortly before I met my ex.

 

Mark that down as my goal for 2008. I've always been happy in a relationship, not as a single person, its definitely time to change. Funny thing is that I never gave into GIGS. I looked, but I never touched, or even put myself into a position where I would be tempted. I guess I suffer from nice guy syndrome, haha.

[glimmerofhope]

Thinking back, I was just so happy with the most mundane things. An evening at home with the ex and our dogs made me a happy man. Perhaps I am hopelessly anachronistic, finding such pleasure in the simpler life.

[emalkoc]

Oh, and back to the gender-split thing: gents, we live in a new world. Women are smart, liberated, and capable of being financially independent.

 

The days where they stick by your side through thick and thin because they need you are (mostly) long gone. If they don't like what you bring to the table, it's split city.

 

I think this is very true but we all miss the important point...Life is too short to waste a LOVING relationship...

[emalkoc]

Thinking back, I was just so happy with the most mundane things. An evening at home with the ex and our dogs made me a happy man. Perhaps I am hopelessly anachronistic, finding such pleasure in the simpler life.

 

we all want simplier life when ex'es are gone when we are together thou, we want all the rest of it...please remember the arguments..

[love4life]

Thinking back, I was just so happy with the most mundane things. An evening at home with the ex and our dogs made me a happy man. Perhaps I am hopelessly anachronistic, finding such pleasure in the simpler life.

 

Two days before my ex dropped the bomb, we were at my apartment pool and I felt such peace and happiness - the weather was perfect, I had a man I was crazy about with me, I had just moved into my new apt. - everything was PERFECT. He looked at me like I was nuts because I was just sitting there smiling and he asked me what I was thinking and I said, "I'm just SO happy."

 

Eh, that changed 48 hours later, lol!

[glimmerofhope]

Remember what arguments? I'm sorry, but I genuinely was happy with those things. I was as content as I can imagine ever being. Sure, I still had goals in life, but none of them meant I was any less satisfied with my relationship.

[emalkoc]

Two days before my ex dropped the bomb, we were at my apartment pool and I felt such peace and happiness - the weather was perfect, I had a man I was crazy about with me, I had just moved into my new apt. - everything was PERFECT. He looked at me like I was nuts because I was just sitting there smiling and he asked me what I was thinking and I said, "I'm just SO happy."

 

Eh, that changed 48 hours later, lol!

 

LOVE is Blind! is not that true...We never see it coming...And they use it all the way...

[love4life]

LOVE is Blind! is not that true...We never see it coming...And they use it all the way...

 

That is true - I was definitely blindsided by the dumping.

[emalkoc]

Remember what arguments? I'm sorry, but I genuinely was happy with those things. I was as content as I can imagine ever being. Sure, I still had goals in life, but none of them meant I was any less satisfied with my relationship.

 

There must be something that made all of our ex'es unhappy...They did not just leave us for a craziness...They left for reasons...Even though you may not have any arguments (which I think even more dangerous sign), if they lost the IN LOVE feeling, there is nothing you could do...

[glimmerofhope]

There must be something that made all of our ex'es unhappy...They did not just leave us for a craziness...They left for reasons...Even though you may not have any arguments (which I think even more dangerous sign), if they lost the IN LOVE feeling, there is nothing you could do...

 

Sorry...I just didn't know where you were headed with that last statement.

 

All I was trying to do was point out that, for ME, the grass was pretty darn green.

[yo]

Mark that down as my goal for 2008. I've always been happy in a relationship, not as a single person, its definitely time to change. Funny thing is that I never gave into GIGS. I looked, but I never touched, or even put myself into a position where I would be tempted. I guess I suffer from nice guy syndrome, haha.

 

Same here I had so many chances and there were other women who were much better than my exes in all possible way. But, still I didn't care. I liked my exes just the way they were, even if they were not perfect, they were perfect for me.

 

But, what do they do? They tell me that I am too good for them and they move on to a new guy!!! maybe I try to be too perfect, maybe I was too nice to them, but isn;t it a nice thing??

 

I think every time I've been dumped, its GIGS all the way!!!

[yo]

There must be something that made all of our ex'es unhappy...They did not just leave us for a craziness...They left for reasons...Even though you may not have any arguments (which I think even more dangerous sign), if they lost the IN LOVE feeling, there is nothing you could do...

 

But how could they lose the "in love" feeling so easily? Don't they love us enough to try and maybe fix the problem? If not fix, maybe atleast talk it out? rather than just make other plans in the background and just walk out on us one fine day!

[yo]

Another important aspect, now that I think about it, is that -

 

Is it easier for women to move on as it easy for them to find a new bf? They can just move on and never really bother about their exes whom they dumped. Or if they actually planned to move on to something or someone better (GIGS) then they have no reason whatsoever to contact their exes.

 

Whereas a guy may dump a girl for whatever reason and then a few weeks or months down the line when he realises that it isn't that easy to get someone who would actually love him the way his ex used to, he might consider reconciling with his ex. Or otherwise, he might still want to keep her as a friend thinking maybe in the future, things might work out?

 

I have personally never done any of the things that I've written above. So, I really have no experience. I have just seen others do it or heard about it.

[Sickboy48]

I think alot of this has to do with age and maturity. Most girls I have seen have always rebounded or engaged in self destructive behavior for a while after break ups while most guys I know have just drank themselves silly then engaged in self destructive behavior.

 

I think older women would be more likely to deal with the emotions and such responsibily and constructively than young girls (ages 18-24) and men will rebound quickly at an older age because well, we like being taken care of!

 

You hit the nail on the head with my ex. She went right into a rebound and went basically retarded.

 

i won;t ever date anyone under 24 again unless they can really show how mature they are. I thought my ex was but oh was I so wrong lol.

[Sickboy48]

I think the solution is to find someone who loves themselves and is happy with their self as a person. I think many times the reason that someone leaves because of GIGS (i like that acronym) is because they are searching for happiness in someone else, rather than in themselves.

 

A person pursuing happiness in other people can do a lot of damage to themselves and other people in the process. IE - GIGS

 

So true. My ex always relied on me to make her happy and i couldn;t all the time. I know now that i want to date someone who doesn;t need me to make them happy, but only add to their happiness.

 

yeah my ex is really hurting herself by relying on people to make her happy. I kind of feel sorry for her bf, he is so screwed.

 

I am just happy i learned so much from my being dumped and growing as a person from it.

 

But yeah, once you start dating, you soon forget the ex and realize your better off.

[yo]

You hit the nail on the head with my ex. She went right into a rebound and went basically retarded.

 

i won;t ever date anyone under 24 again unless they can really show how mature they are. I thought my ex was but oh was I so wrong lol.

 

wow! this sounds like my current ex. She was 23!!! and I thought she would be mature enough by now!!!

 

I was soo wrong, she didn't even know how to breakup. She just stopped talking. period. How the hell am I supposed to know what went wrong? what to fix? And now she's actually gone back to her pyscho ex bf who was stalking her and whom she was trying to avoid like the plague while she was with me.

 

I definitely want someone more mature next time!

[Zorba]

There must be something that made all of our ex'es unhappy...They did not just leave us for a craziness...They left for reasons...Even though you may not have any arguments (which I think even more dangerous sign), if they lost the IN LOVE feeling, there is nothing you could do...

Agreed. Usually the loss of the in love feeling is down to losing sexual attraction, especially with women. It's because they lost respect for you as a man and don't see a future with you or found more in some other guy, even if it's a novelty. With men dumpers they can still be sexually attracted to the woman and indeed sleep with her again, but emotionally they don't care. It's probably down to biology. A woman won't take the risk of sleeping with a guy that she's not sure she wants kids with. A man would have less reservations.

 

Keeping women interested is generally down to your own self respect as a man. The more you have the more she'll want to hang around. Keep a little of yourself back emotionally too. Do not make the big mistake of acting like one of her female friends. That'll work for a while but not for long. This is doubly true if they leave you. Acting like her friend will just let her think of you as that, while some guy she doesn't see as her "friend" will be sleeping with her and planning a future. It's a great deal for her as she gets a boyfriend without losing her support system.

 

Male v/s female dumpers? I would agree with a lot of what has been said before. I would say that women are far less comfortable being socially ignored than men are. They tend to ruminate more on how they're feeling so if you plug into that, they usually make a move towards you, especially if any new guy isn't that great.

 

I would say that's how every one of my exes that dumped me came back, sooner or later. This was especially true when I didn't really care whether they did or not. I had one, who after a month, I was glad to be rid of, show up a year down the line and for years later, begging(and I mean begging) for a second chance. I'm fairly certain I'll hear from that one again before the New Year. Take from that what you will.

 

Like I wrote in the friends with exes thread, if I'm not planning a future with them as a fully functional sexual couple, I don't want them in my future in any other capacity, except as a lesson learned. Life is too short.

[yo]

Keep a little of yourself back emotionally too. Do not make the big mistake of acting like one of her female friends.

 

Well, all the women that I have dated have said that they want the guy they marry to be a "good friend" first, someone they are comfortable talking to and sharing all their secrets! Now how can you not be a friend and still try to win her??

 

This was especially true when I didn't really care whether they did or not.

 

This always happens! When you don't expect/want things to happen, they always happen. But, when you really want your ex to come back, they never do...