GF of 5years just dumped me for my "bestfriend"

[Ddog2296]

First off let me apologize for how long this is going to be. This is my first post and after spending some time reading over things that are on these forums I don't feel as alone. So I feel like writing this all out. It may prove to be a comfort. It has been over a week since we broke up and I have had TONS of time to think everything over. Again I apologize for its length I just want people to understand the uniqueness of this case.

 

I'll refer to my ex-gf as Ashley and my not so good friend as Sam. Ashley and I met when she was 13 and I was 12. In the beginning as with any middle school relationship we were afraid of what was happening. The feelings were so new and everything felt so different. We didn't hold hands until about 2 months in and we didn't have our first kiss until about our first anniversary. I've never believed about rushing into anything and I'm a firm believer that if something is meant to be it will be. We had our first sexual experience 2 years in and, by god, I thought I finally had everything figured out. The entire experience felt right and to me the sex was secondary, because after our first time we sat there and cried together telling eachother how much we loved one another.

 

Also about this same time my "best"friend Sam started expressing feelings for Ashley. He would change his AIM name to Iluvashley and would send her drawn out emails about how he cared for her. Ashley came to me and told me about it and she ended up telling Sam that she wanted nothing to do with him. Sam and I broke off communication for about a month and we started talking to him. I told him that it was ok to have feeling for someone else but as long as he didn't act on those feelings we could still be friends, because everyone deserves a second change imho. Let me add here that Sam had used this same email technique to try getting with another girl who had a bf, who happens to be a very good friend of mine, a year before he started on Ashley. Finding out it didn't work there he gave up and and told the BF of the girl he was trying to get that he couldn't figure him out and could not understand him.

 

Anyways after I gave him that second chance Ashley and I became very close with Sam. He never really had a girl and at one time Ashley and I had talked it over and we felt sorry for the man. So when we would go do things we always invited him. The one GF Sam did have he treated badly used her for sexual favors and continually treated her like trash. I remember talking to her about Sam after they broke up and she told me that she felt Sam was confused and lost in self-pity.

 

Also around this second year Ashley started having family problems and was evicted from the apartement she and her mother lived in. To make things short she basically moved in with me and used my address so she could stay within our school district. She and I spent so much time together she became part of my family and her family and I became very close. Ashley went through 6 months of depression and I was there for her in every way. She wasn't a very plesant person to be around at the time but I knew I had to help her and stick by her, and so I did. I committed everything I had to that girl and ivested all I could emotionally, physically, and spiritually as I could.

 

Now I won't say that we haven't had our arguments because we have but they have been nothing serious. We have always been able to set down and discuss exactly what was the matter and together conquer anything. Which makes me wonder why she handled our break up in the manner she did (I will discuss details later).

 

Moving to the present. Over the past 4 months, or since school started, I have been having a rought time with all the college decisions, school work, and on top of that my step dad who is basically my family's sole provider was ordered to pay child support with money we don't have. So all the emotions have been building up and I told Ashley that if I was acting my normal self it was because of that and just to be a support for me to lean on until I figured out what to do. She told me she understood and she and I continued on as normal. We have been going to the movies and spending as much time as possible with each other, and Sam more that 50% of those times.

 

Our 5th year anniversary was the end of October. I baught her a rose and wrote a card for her as well as buying two pumpkins that we carved for halloween. She also wrote me a card in which she expressed how much she loved me and told me that she never --never-- wants to let me go. We cried together that day and spent the entire day remembering how much we meant to eachother. Everything seemed so swell and as good as ever. Until halloween day when my entire life was turned upside down.

 

After school on halloween Ashley drove me home and when we got inside my mother was bawling her eyes out. Confused and concerned I talked to her about it and realized that it was about the entire child support thing. This through me into crying and being depressed all over again and Ashley asked me later if I wanted to talk about it. I told her I didn't want to right then and I would tell her later after I have worked it in my head. I picked up my guitar about 15min later and started playing to relive some of the tension I had been feeling. At that Ashley gave me a dirty look and out of the house I put it down and went after her but she was already in her car and starting down the street.

 

This happened about 5:30pm on halloween she calls me at 12:30 am that morning and tells me we need to talk but she doesnt want to do it over the phone. I told her she could come over in the morning a couple hours before our weekly bowling league and we could discuss whatever it was she wanted to talk about she said ok and that she loved me and I told her the same and we hung up. That night I started freaking out because I didn't know what to expect. Eventually I convinced myself that it wasn't about breaking up or anything that serious. Let me add, that I had tried to call her cell phone all that day and she never had it on which is highly unlike her considering her parents make her leave it on all the time.

 

The next day she gets to my house at 8:30 a half an hour before our league started. I was so confused because she said she had something to talk about and only left a little time for it. We left for bowling right away and I hit around the bush on the way to the allies but didnt want to get her started about anything because she was driving. We arrive at the bowling alley and Sam comes up to me and pats me on the back and asks me if I am mad at him. Suspicous about things I start putting 1 and 1 together. After bowling I talk to Ashley and find out that she wants to cut it off and doesn't want to try and work it out because she feels we are drifting apart. I completely loose it and start crying and pouring out my feeling everywhere, we get to my house and she starts gathering up all of her things while I am in pain on the floor. She shows little to no emotion and just keeps telling me she is sorry.

 

Later I learn she had spent the previous evening with Sam and that she had feelings for him also and that they had kissed. I am just at a loss for how cold and insensitive they are both being about everything. I am filled with a fury unlike nothing I've ever felt before and it's all aimed towards Sam. I feel sorry for Ashley because I think she is confused and her feelings are very fickle at the moment. She has hurt me like no one in a way i've never felt before. I don't want to loose her because of all the time and memories we have shared. Our two families are very close and her father cried about this whole thing also. I don't want to see Sam do to Ashley what he has done to his previous GFs. I've tried to talk to Ashley about it in school but she doesn't even acknowledge that I am there. I feel betrayed by a friend whom I gave a second chance to and put so much trust in. I am confused because she never gave me an explanation and nothing makes sense. I treated her like a queen never hurt her physically or any other way I can think of. I've always tried to do what is best for her, and that's why I haven't contacted her in 3 days because I want her so bad and don't want to do anything to push her away more. I have held in my hatred against Sam and I don't know how much longer I can do it. Both of them in school act so cool about it as if everything is normal. This ordeal has taken a huge toll on both of our families and basically all of our friends. I feel as if the world is spinning and I can't stand up straight.

 

Ideas of everything have run through my mind. She told me it was nothing I done. And I don't understand why I deserve this. I am trying so hard not to do anything stupid because I am currently in a position to get valedictorian of my class and have my entire college paid for. But together Ashley and I applied to the same college and have both already been accepted. Like I said earlier it's been a week already and I miss her more than ever, at school it pains me to see them together holding hands after all she had told me in private. This is our first breakup of our relationship and our first break up of any relationship.

 

If you've read this far thank you very much. Is anyone else out there in this same kind of situation. What should I do for my self? I feel she is worth fighting for and I've never given up on anything, is she worth going after? I told Sam that he was a pathetic excuse for a person and I never wanted to speak to him again, was this right? Does she still care for me? Any ideas what she is thinking? I feel I offered her so much and got so little in the end. I have to be around them everyday at school in almost every class, how do I deal with that? I want Ashley to be happy but I want to be happy myself also. Does she still care for me? She doesn't show it.

 

I know I am young, only 17, and maybe I should meet other ppl. But this has put a wall of doubt in my heart and I know I will have trouble ever opening up to someone again. I want Ashley back so much but at the same time I'm tired of paining myself. I haven't ate much in the last week I get very little sleep and have horrible dreams. My school work is so had to concentrate on and I feel so lonely. I've surrounded myself with friends lately because I am afraid of myself when I am alone. Please give me advice WHAT DO I DO?!?!??!

[Gullwing]

Man,

 

Maybe you were too nice to the girl. You put her on a pedestal. You need to show her that you are a man, not a boy.

 

I think you let Sam off too easily. If one of my friends did this to me I would at least have a fist fight with him.

 

Whatever you do , do not try to contact her now. It will only push her away, she will think you are trying to control her emotions.

 

You must work on yourself. You must make yourself more desirable than Sam. Get your life together. Sooner or later she will realise what she lost , and she will come back to you. But No girl wants a nice little boy that does everything they want. I tried it and I got burned every time.

 

Deep down , you know what to do. This did not happen overnight, you have to think as far back as a few months.

 

Be a man. Show her that you got your life together and that YOU WILL GET OVER her if she doesn't come back to you. Start talking to girls in school. Do something you always wanted but never had the time to , like fitness training or body building or another hobby.

 

Remember, what makes guys desirable is their happiness. It flows from themand attracts girls.

Your relationship with her became routineand the fire was dying for her. She's growing up and changing and the only way to get her back is to keep up with that change.

 

Best of Luck to you.

Remember, if she really may not deserve you after all.

[bdub]

Gullwing is right. Mostly you need to show that you are big enough to pick yourself up and move on. You seem to show many traits that women around the world look for in men, so don't think that this is the end of your dating career. Your happiness is what will eventually draw her back to you. As difficult as it is, make sure that you take care of yourself and tuck that pain that you feel away when you are at school and around them. I'm not saying that you should not feel bad for yourself, just do that when they aren't around. Confide your true feelings only in people that you know won't tell them.

 

You have a lot going for you. Keep that in mind. When you are down, make sure you come and vent to the people on this forum. We all care what happens to you, make sure you remember that.

 

Best Wishes,

bdub

[Ddog2296]

Hey thanks guys. Today Ashley came to pick up the rabbit we had bought together. I told her she could have it if she wanted it. We had about an hour conversation about what she thinks she wants in life and have far ahead in the future she is concerned with. I laid it out. Told her exactly how I have been feeling and what I think about what happened. She said some things to me and I told her some things that we'll both regret, not to bad though. She ended up crying over it when my mother told her how she felt about it.

 

After we had talked I ended by telling her that whatever she needs to do to be happy she must do. I told her I didn't like the idea of it what so ever and I believe she should take some time before rushing into another relationship but whatever makes her happy is fine with me. I told her I didn't want her out of my life and in the future I want to be a caring friend.

[Ddog2296]

You are probably right. After the argument i had with her the other day she tried to tell a few of my friends that i raised a hand to her. She's totally doing some nutty things. Anyone who knows me knows i'm not that kind of a person and the only person i've ever felt like hitting was that poor excuse for a person Sam.

 

I think the whole thing I told her about wanting to be her friend was for myself trying to keep some kind of attachment to her. I mean 5yrs gone in under 1 day is a hell of a lot to handel. Today I finally had the last of it for a while. I can't go on feeling this way it's interfering with everything I do and I am starting to get sick. So I told myself if she wants it that way then she can have it, screw em, what goes around comes around. Eventually they will both get back what they have done to me.

 

Deep down I really care for this girl. Already her grades are starting to drop and it angers me to she her like that. I worked with her too hard to help her maintain a 4.0 gpa the last three years to see it go down right before its all over. I keep telling myself it's her decision and some day she'll regret what she done. Maybe she will maybe she won't, I don't know but I need some hope.

 

Throughout school we've been the couple others have looked at and said "it is possible just look at them". Now after what's happened everyone is different people i never knew are talking to me about it. It's just a really big slap in the face and a lot to deal with. But for now I'm leaving it alone and devising a plan to drop Sam, right now so many people hate him for what he's done to me its easy to think of things to do. Is this the right thing to do? lol Most of the ideas aren't illegal.

 

This is the 11th day and I'm actually able to fall asleep without thinking about it for four hours.

[The Morrigan]

From what you've written, you've got a pretty darned good attitude considering what you're going through, keep it up!

 

I can imagine how tempting it would be to umm, well let's just say I can think of several ways of making Sam suffer, creative ones But seriously, you've already shown yourself to be the better person by far in this mess - and I don't think you should give that up.

 

Your families and mutual friends, and even schoolmates, from what you say, know what happened, and are NOT going to think highly of him - or her for that matter. And what do you think the odds are of any of his "friends" trusting him within speaking distance of any girl they're involved with are? He has broken one of the few "rules" in the "love and war" game, and he's going to pay more for it by being shunned than anything you could do to him physically - all the more contrast the more you're able to carry on and treat the rest of your friends (he doesn't count, obviously) decently. Somehow I doubt he and Ashley are going to see any invites to places you're invited to - for a LONG time. His character lacks something - well, it lacks CHARACTER, and she's chosen to hook up with him, while it's sad to see her caught up with him, this is definitely one of those things that usually will bite them in the end.

 

They're already trying to make you out to be a bad person for things you haven't done - don't blow it by giving them ammunition now, spend time with your friends and family and let yourself take the support they offer, and don't waste any more thoughts on them than you absolutely have to. You need to worry about you right now - not them.

[Ddog2296]

Hey thanks for the advice. What you suggested is probably the most and intelligent way to go about everything. It hurts more than any pain i've known before and all these emotions all at once so so hard to understand.

 

Over the past week I've spent hours reading over many of the posts here and I must say they have helped me greatly. Just to know at this paticular moment you're not the only one feeling this way taking a lot of the stress away.

 

Anyways I have another question about something that keeps bothering me. Today as I sat in class I was overcome by a feeling I haven't experienced yet. A feeling that makes me think if they haven't fooled around together (sexually) then I shouldn't give up hope of getting her back. Today I stared at her from accross the class and her eyes started to tear up. I'm not sure if this is because she is guilty about something, that she still feelings strongly for me, that she is regretting her decision, or maybe a mixture of them.

 

Right now, after thinking about all the feedback I've received, I think I'm going to give it a few more weeks and not worry about it. After that I want to confront her and ask her whats gone on between them. Then I want to try and set down with our parents, who have also been affected by all this, and lay out everyones feelings.

 

Certain pieces of this jigsaw fit together but I still don't understand why everything happened so fast after everything seemed so good, at least to me. I don't want to give up hope on her because deep down I believe if we make this work, and nothing happened between her and Sam, that in the future the benefits we will reap will be worth all the pain.

 

What do you guys think, any other suggestions?

[resident20]

IM SORRY IF IM DOING THIS, WELL IN MY OPINION, YOU ARE A NICE GUY AND I DONT KNOW WHY SHE DID THIS TO YOU.MY QUESTION IS WHY SHE CRIES? I MEAN IF SHE LOVES YOU SO MUCH WHY CAN SHE JUST TALK TO YOU, LOOK FOR YOU AND EXPRESS HER FEELINGS TO YOU?AND SHE IS STILL WITH SAM, I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND THAT PART. MAYBE SHE FEELS SORRY FOR YOU. I JUST DONT UNDERSTAND WHY AND HOW SOMEONE CAN DO THIS SUPPOSELY TO THE ONE YOU LOVE, CAUSE SO MUCH PAIN. THAT IS NOT LOVE.BUT IF YOU WANT TO KEEP ON TRYING TO WIN HER BACK THEN I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK, BUT DONT LET HER PLAY WITH YOUR EMOTION, THEIR ACTIONS ARE MORE THAN WORDS IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.

I WISH YOU GOOD LUCK. AND ALSO EVEN IF THEY DID IT I DONT THINK SHE IS GOING TO TELL YOU, AND IF SHE DOES SHE WILL DO IT WHEN SHE REGRETS IT.

[bdub]

Most likely she is regretting her decision to do this to you. Nobody could do this to a person they care about and not feel remorse. Does this mean you should talk with her? Definetly not. What you are doing by taking the high ground is taking the control of your feelings away from her. Even though she broke up with you, it will sting a bit to think that what she is doing doesn't bother you. Be calm and do other things that make you happy. Let her see you being happy. It WILL MAKE HER THINK. Don't let her contol the situation anymore. Emotionally closing the door is what you need. Gain some emotional distance from it. It may feel like closing the door isin't what you want to do, because you are afraid that doing so means you won't feel things about her ever again. Keep in mind, that if you close the door, that you can open it later on down the road. This is not permanent. Trust me she will think about it and it will bother her. Not to mention all of the ramifications that you discussed earlier regarding other friends.

 

Good Luck and Best Wishes.

bdub

[Ddog2296]

Hmm.. Well then I guess that's what I have to do. I've been telling myself everyday to just ignore it but god it's sooo hard, quite possibly the hardest thing i've ever attempted in my life. But starting tomorrow I'm really going to try I swear I am. I'm tired of everday going to school and feeling like a pile of crap, and probably making others feel bad also because attitudes have a way of rubbing off.

 

I just hope this all turns out for the best, everyone says it will but right now its difficult to see that far ahead. Today everytime I've started to drift off thinking about it I would grab my guitar and start playing or try to do some homework. Things are just so much different but I think I can do this.

 

Thanks for the support everyone, I'll keep developments posted

[The Morrigan]

And hey, something to keep in mind - generally when people lie in a way that demeans you, it's not because they believe it, it's an attempt to feel justified in something they KNOW was wrong and feel guilt about.

 

For example, and I know you've seen people do this...

"I hit him because he punched me!"

"Really? Where did he hit you?"

"Well, he missed, but he tried!"

"Hmm, that doesn't seem in character..."

"Well, I THOUGHT he was going to try to, he was in the right position!"

"So he had his hand in the air poised to hit you?"

"Well, he had clenched his fist!"

 

It's like, continuing to tell everyone else you had a reason, even in retrospect, hey, maybe you might start to believe it yourself and get rid of some of the feelings of guilt.

 

Your friends aren't going to believe it, and it's just adding to the things for them to feel guilty about, so try not to let it get to you!

[Ddog2296]

Just after I thought I had started to get a grip on myself I totally crumbled last night. After work I was hit by the loneliness again and cried for almost an hour.

 

This morning before school she handed me back the scrap book we put together on our fourth year anniversary. Its crammed with pictures and stubs to concerts etc.., the interesting thing is that there are some spots where pictures have been ripped out and some cards are missing. Anyways this hurt and I asked her why she didn't want to keep it. She said she didn't want to think about it and that she is happy now. What kind of answer is that?? I'm still confused on why she would want to forget everything we had.

 

I didn't push the conversation on I just let it drop and she walked away.

 

I've been thinking and maybe it's not her that is changing so much as it is myself. Like I said in my first post I've had some family problems the last 3 to 4 months and things have been hard for everyone involved.

 

I know I should just walk away and let time have its turn, but I love this girl so much. I feel if I walk away then I might close a door that I can never open again. I've been thinking about asking her to let me, if my family problems are the root of this, to show her that inside I'm still the person she fell in love with. I would do anything thing for this girl and if theres anything left in her that I can fight for I feel bound to try. Personally I'm not ready to let the past 5yrs end this way and I fell that deep inside she isn't ready either, and that what she is doing now is just a temporary fix for her feeling and that she isn't strong enough to face the reality of it all. Or maybe I'm not strong enough to face reality, I just don't know.

 

I'm setting up a date with a girl in our string orchestra for this weekend. It felt so bizzarre asking her and I'm not really sure how to treat her when we do go out. Any suggestions of what to do and what not to do?

 

Is time really what I should give this, I know everyone says it is but how can it work???

[The Morrigan]

Right now it sounds like she's convincing herself she did the "right" thing for herself. If you try too hard to make her give you another chance, you're basically making yourself the "opposition." Doesn't leave her much choice BUT to keep that stance against you, or admit she might be wrong, so it will push her away. You'll push her to close the door for you. Everything you've said about her recent actions and words is someone who feels guilty, and is trying to justify her own actions. If she didn't feel guilty, odds are she would just have thrown away the scrapbook, not made a point of giving it to you. It sounds like she's resentful of being in the wrong here - and it's NOT your job to make it easier for her. Regardless of what else happens, she needs to learn from her mistakes - she won't if you protect her from fully knowing and experiencing the results of making one.

 

Think of it like this - you know if you appear to close the door, you'd be willing to open it again; if you push her to slam and lock it, are you sure she'd do the same?

 

It also sounds like she's taking on some of the "idealistic" traits here. I know, your instinct is to defend her, but she knows you've had other stresses, it's been 5 years, and while I can see maybe asking for some time apart if things were truly unbearable (and it doesn't seem like it was that bad!), going the step further and taking up with your friend, that isn't a result of anything you did or said.

 

Stop trying to justify what she did by blaming yourself or finding fault in yourself!!! I know I'm being a little harsh there - but you're going to get yourself into a thought pattern where she's a flawless angel and you "pushed" her to this if you keep going down this road! DON'T DO IT. You are allowed to be human and still get respect out of a relationship. Whether it was plain thoughtless or deliberately cruel doesn't change the simple fact that what she has done is WRONG.

 

Ok, I'm going to relate it to something you'll probably see easily... a guy cheats on his wife... then tells her if she'd been more responsive to his needs, it wouldn't have happened. Now honestly, what advice would you give that woman? You gonna tell her if she'd been more open to the wild monkey sex it wouldn't've happened, so she pushed him to it? Of course not, you'd say he was looking for an excuse to shift the blame, and if it was HER who came up with the justification for him, you'd tell her "He was a jerk to you, don't try to excuse it for him."

 

I know, it's so much easier to see it from a third party perspective than when your emotions are involved, isn't it?

 

There's a difference between forgiveness and justification - you can forgive her without making her blameless. Please don't take the blame for something you didn't do and weren't responsible for.

 

And I'm rambling on here...

 

As to the date you're setting up - just treat it as that, a date, to go out, get to know someone a bit better, have a little bit of fun and distraction. There's no need to go rushing into anything more before you're ready. As long as you're honest about it with the girl, I'm sure she'll understand you're not ready to ask her for anything more yet.

 

Don't expect miracles of yourself, take the time you need to heal and grieve a bit, but keep your focus where it belongs - on you.

 

I'm sorry if I've come accross harsher or more bluntly than intended, but I don't want you falling into the traps I've been in, and seen many good friends fall into - you deserve to give yourself credit, not pick yourself to pieces here. It's time to be as good to yourself as you can, you really do deserve it.

[Ddog2296]

Hey you weren't rambling at all Morrigan. What you said is just what I needed, thanks and I really mean it. People that I've talked to haven't been harsh about it and when you brought that up it was like a slap in the face.

 

I think you're right about the perfect angel thing. Tonight I was planning on, with her dad's permission, to wait at her house till she comes home. I had a poem and some flowers already picked out. Beginning of the grand gestures eh? But after reading your post I don't think I'm going to go through with it because the last thing I want is to push her more away.

 

Yesterday after talking to one of our shared friends I found out that she is starting to shun more people than just me. Phil, the shared friend, told me that he called her to see if she wanted to go do something two times this week and she told him she couldn't because she was with Sam. This is so weird because Ashley is always up to do stuff especially with friends.

 

I also learned today that Sam told someone he loved Ashley. This made me laugh because of all the past times Sam has "loved" people like the ones I discussed in my first post. In a way it makes me very angry because to me Sam has no idea what love is, it has just always been some sort of sick game he has played.

 

To me love is more than a feeling and more than emotion, its an eternal bond woven together from years of trusting, commiting, and sharing yourself with another person. So for him to say he loves her infuriates me and makes me want to strangle the life out of his pale little body.

 

Enough with the anger. I could go on all night. I have to get ready to go out tonight so I'm going to cut this short *lol*. I just wanted to know is it smart to keep talking with her parents almost everyday. I was like a son to them and her dad and I atleast go fishing or play pool every week. He's already said that he doesn't care for Sam, and if I keep doing stuff with him will it hurt any future chances of reconciliation with Ashley?

[puffdaddycurl]

Man well sorry for me coming into this conversation so late but i just read it all, and lemme tell ya i dont think i read that much in my ife ever again.

Well the reason im writing is because i am in the exact same sitiuation but i ony had my GF for 3 years

 

I feel the exact same way, I go to bed at night crying over her because i miss her so much, and every day i see her in the halls wiht my dang best friend as well i feel like i want to beat him again and again. but i know the first time i beat hi up that was the last time i would ever havve the chace of getting my Ex back. so with your question about talking to sam, i think his name is, I think you did the right think by just talking because if you faught you wouls of screwed your chances of geting your love back

 

But when you said yoyu necver caled her for about 3 days, DO NOT do that because then she will think you care no more for her and your just jelous, so keep calling her and hanging out with her at school, just dont get into the things like talking about how much you miss her i know its hard but i wil lwork for the better.

 

Well i hope this helped and i have to go now if you need anything else just PM me

 

sincerly

PDC A.K.A puffdaddycurl

[Ddog2296]

So you really think calling her would be a good idea? The first week after she dropped me I kept calling her at night before she went to bed to tell her to have a good night and say her prayers. But after she started the stupid rumor and continued to shun me at school, I quit calling her.

 

I keep trying to talk to her at school but she ignores me and acts like I'm not even there, even when I'm just saying hi. A lot of people have told me not to try and be her friend because it will just make everything harder on me. They also say to let her come back to me and if I keep talking with her it might make her mad and push her away.

 

After she started the rumor about me. I told her, "Look Ashley, I'm not sure why you are saying these things about me, but I'm not even going to get angry about it. I feel like you are trying to make me mad at you inorder for you to justify what you've done. But girl I'll always love you and nothing you do is going to change that." She just looked at me and told me I must be blind. I just turned away and said I don't think I am.

 

She ignores me so much that in our French class of 4 people she has to be told to participate in the conversations with me.

 

I don't know maybe I shouldn't let myself dwell on any of this. It hurts but I'll live. I've never been free before at least in my teenage years so there have got to be a lot of ups to it, it seems others enjoy so maybe I can too. I've started to think what I would do if she did come back. I know I love her dearly but it would take me a lot of time if it ever came to that.

 

As of right now I've been working on a plan with some other friends to get one of Sam's crushes to start hitting on him. If we can get him to slip up and catch him I have a good feeling it'd split him and Ashley. But anyways I need to go find something to do, I just got off work and I don't want to get to depressed lol.

[puffdaddycurl]

Ok i know you have probobly heared this but do not stup to sam's level and do what he did, that will just show everyone that you are extreamly jelous and you would be just the same as sam and i dont think you wanna be like that kid.

 

No, being free to me sucks so much, i am allways so lonley allways wanting to cuddle with a girl and all that GF BF stuff, but you cant, o its not nothnig to look forward to.

 

Yes, i do think you should call her every so often, now im not talkin about every day that will annoy ehr and will push her away, but just call her mabye 3 to 4 times a week and when you do vcall do not tell her you love her and miss her and have a good night, just talk like you were just friends, like talking about how school was or what their plan for the weekend is, JUST DONT BRING UP PAST RELATIONSHIP.

 

When you said you talk to her at school, does she talk back or just ignore you? because if she ignores you try not to hang around her at school and just chill with other friends. Remember do not fall to sam's level that will just make ashley even more mad.

 

Well i hope this helped and if you need anything else just reply and ill give you some more info

 

Oh and i know it may be hard, but in your spare time DO NOT sit in your room with slow music on and feeling like you did wrong, i did that for months and months and it sucks, Just try going outside or put on some rap or rock or whatever you like cause it wil ldefinitly take your mind off of everything.

 

Sincerly

PDC A.K.A PuffDaddyCurl

[Ddog2296]

Hmm, well when I do try to talk to her in school once in a while she will answer back. But most of the time if seems likes someone is pushing her to talk to me, and many times she just ignores me. Its also hard to ignore her because she is in 4 of my 7 classes, and every time I look at her I either get depressed or angry if Sam is there too.

 

And do you think that staying good friends with her parents is a good idea? Her dad thinks it is but i'm not too sure.

 

Thanks for all of your advice so far.

[puffdaddycurl]

Yes stay good friends with her parents, ecspecially if her dad still wants to be!

 

Well if she ignores you more at school and you think she is being pushed into you just to talk, i think it would probobly be best to just stick to talking to her over the phone, yes it may seem she does not want to talk to you but thats probobly because she thinks you want to get with her again to be your GF so you should try telling her that you dont mind her and sam going out (even though it may suck and you dont like it) because if you begin to be nice to her she should open up alittle but remember do not talk about your relationships or any other relationships that might bring up depression.

 

sincerly

PDC A.K.A puffdaddycurl

[Ddog2296]

After several attempts to talk casually to her I think I've given up. She will either ignore me completely or seem detached when she answers back. Oh well I guess. I'll let her do what she wants it's her life and as bad as it hurts to see her make these decisions it's her choice and she will have to live with them.

 

Today was the first day I really got through school without feeling too depressed. I even beamed her a smile when she passed through the hallway.

 

I was wondering when Christmas comes up, and if things are still the way they are now, should I send her a card? Nothing relationship related but just wishing her well for the holidays. I mean I can ignore her at school if she wants it that way but I can't do it about everything else also.

 

Anyways things are starting to come together a bit more. I visted my grandparents this weekend and they had a lot to say. I love grandparents they always know exactly how to put things so you can keep on living.

 

I sat up another date with a girl from school this saturday so that gives me something to look forward to. Besides that I'm pretty much here I still think about the past a lot but not 24 7 like I was doing.

[resident20]

i understand your situation, but you cant keep doing this to yourself, you gotta stop!! i know you love her but she is not at your level, she seems she doesnt want you to bother her, just leave it as it is, i know its difficult, but you cant let her drag you like that, treat you like that, go on with your life, you still young and can have any girl you want ,yes i know you want her but dont you think its nice to feel love, to feel being loved huh think about it. go on and go out with your friend, its nice because it will relieve some of your stress, dont mind what other people have to say about that, go out have fun move on.

in my opinion dont do anything for her, leave it as it is,

you have to have dignity for yourself,

try your best to forget about her, dont call her, dont talk to her, dont look at her, just act like she doesnt exist, well that is what she is doing.

well im sorry if i offended you, i just dont like people like that, your ex.

well i hoped i helped you

good luck 8)