Too rich for my own good?

[lukeb]

Okay I'm not rich, I still have to work to make ends meet, but I have little debt, a very decent house and truck, a recreational property, toys etc.. I wonder how much of a problem that is with dating guys. Generally the straights have it easier, generally they have more defining roles, but what about us gay folk? Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off if I had nothing when it comes to dating, that way we could all start off on an equal footing. Anyone else feels this way? What is your experience?

[RayKay]

I guess I am perplexed honestly as to why this would make a difference.

 

Even amongst men not everyone makes the same as the other, or is as good with money as the other; and I would say that in this day and age "defining roles" are far from being "defined". It's up to each person to determine what works for them.

 

Many of my female peers for example make a (often much) higher income than their male partners.

[lukeb]

Ideally ofcourse you're right, it shouldn't make a difference. But we're not talking idealistically we're talking the messy thing we call real life. It just occurred to me because I am meeting someone for coffee tomorrow, seems really nice from what I could gather from his profile. He's just back from 5 years in Asia. So he's looking after his sister's kids, looking at some courses at the local college etc. Sounds like he is starting out again, scary stuff I would think for a 37 yo. I guess it got me thinking, lol, maybe I think too much.

[fredv3b]

Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off if I had nothing when it comes to dating, that way we could all start off on an equal footing.

 

Although you shouldn't lie to someone about yourself, there is plenty that you can leave unmentioned initially. Afterall, you can't tell someone all about yourself on a first date, you would spend hours talking at him and it would be terribly tedious for the both of you. I'd suggest that, in general, material possessions are things that are best left unmentioned on a first date, and probably on a second date too.

 

Just my thoughts...

[Reality-Check]

Okay I'm not rich, I still have to work to make ends meet, but I have little debt, a very decent house and truck, a recreational property, toys etc.. I wonder how much of a problem that is with dating guys. Generally the straights have it easier, generally they have more defining roles, but what about us gay folk? Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off if I had nothing when it comes to dating, that way we could all start off on an equal footing. Anyone else feels this way? What is your experience?

 

I don't really have much experience in this category, but realistically, you're 42 and seem to be well off financially, I don't see how that could be a bad thing.

 

The *only* way I could see that being a bad thing is if you're limiting your friends/relationships based on their status because they don't match your level of financial security. But it doesn't seem like you're doing that so I honestly think you shouldn't worry about it at all.

[lukeb]

I guess it is not really an issue in friends or dating, when things get more serious it does present problems. That is not to say that these obstacles can not be overcome with honesty and communication. Eclectic would be a good world to describe my friends, they range from doctors to a guy working in a burger joint. There is no real reason why it would make a difference there. I think I end up somewhere in the middle in that range anyways.

[wintersolstice]

Okay I'm not rich, I still have to work to make ends meet, but I have little debt, a very decent house and truck, a recreational property, toys etc.. I wonder how much of a problem that is with dating guys. Generally the straights have it easier, generally they have more defining roles, but what about us gay folk? Sometimes I wonder if I'd be better off if I had nothing when it comes to dating, that way we could all start off on an equal footing. Anyone else feels this way? What is your experience?

 

You don't sound wealthy... are you dating young guys? I would imagine guys your age should have those thigns... perhaps you could hide your material success from your dates until you know and trust them?

[lukeb]

I live in a small northern town in Canada, there really isn't a large pool of guys to date from. This year Ive actually only been on two actual dates. They were both in their 30's. The town that I live in is a very transient town, still a fair amount of frontier mentality, main industries are oil and forestry. So most of the new guys that come in are here for the money, not so much the lifestyle, certainly not for the arts and culture. Many of the guys my age and roughly my "wealth" are either in a relationship or seem to have moved on to larger centers.

[Lucy_lou]

I'm not a gay man, but my two cents is this:

 

I agree that your level of wealth should remain unmentioned in the beginning, and kept low. My main reason for suggesting this is that when someone richer than you talks about their wealth, it can sound like flaunting it, and like they're trying to lure you with it. It can be insulting and distracting from the main task at hand of getting to know each other as people.

 

I think the best way to deal with the financial imbalance is for you to be willing to drop to their level (especially at first). It's an act of courtesy to drop to their level (i.e. eat, drink, recreate cheaply). The main point being that you need to remain aware of and to empathise with being poorer.

 

Other than that, I sympathise with your situation. I really think it is ideal if you can be with someone who is closer to your financial and professional equal.