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Third time lucky!! Can it work or is it madness!

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Advice welcome!


I met someone 5 years ago, fell in love with her, wanted to be with her! She would tell me that I was all that she wanted. When things came around to the subject of moving in together, or marriage she would back off, then before I knew it she would finish with me. To cut a long story short she has finished with me twice now over the past five years. We nearly got back together a few months ago but she gave me the usual I can't commit line and that she was still confused. It seems to me that she will never be able to commit - at least not to me that is! Anyway, I contacted her again recently - much to the annoyance of my best friends who insist I am crazy - hadn't spoken to her in a few months! She was excited to hear from me and wanted to catch up again. We spent the afternoon together and had a great time as usual. No mention of our relationship, just had fun being together. I left her home, said it was great to see her again and left it at that. Anyway, she texted me the next day to say she had enjoyed our day and called me that night for no reason in particular. I played it cool, chatted and thanked her again for a lovely day. Nothing more.


Ideally I would like her to sort out what she wants and come back to me of her own volition. I know this is the only way I can trust that she is ready. But part of me, the part that misses her can't help keeping in touch. What should I do!


Should I keep my dignity and forget about her! I mean she has finished with me twice!


Should I confront her and say right girl I love you! You love me lets stop messing about and give it another go! Will this push her away forever! Is this a risk I should take!


Should I keep contacting her casually every so often and hope something clicks in her mind to make her want to try again.


Should I not contact her anymore and leave the ball in her court - if she comes back, she comes back - if she don't well so be it.



What do you guys think!!


Richard III

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I have one thing to say. Forget her and move on. Over the last five years you have been dissed and dumped a couple of times. She can't/wont commit to you then you have to do what you have to. Move on and find someone that will be willing to be with you. I can understand that it is easy for me to say this but, I have been through this myself with my ex many times when we were going out in high school. After a ten year break we got back together and I was misurable. Let her go and move on to better things. Sounds like she is using you and you need to get out.



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You have to think of it this way, she has finished with you twice and you will have unfinished business with her that is clouding your judgement right now. 5 years is an awfully long time to have someone in your life and especially if that other person is messing you around. I am in the position where my boyfriend has been dumped twice but stills keeps in contact with the same ex which riles me beyond belief, because I know that for some strange reason she has this halo around her and just like yourself, until she really hurts you or him you will both never be able to tear yourself away and begin a new life.

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Thanks Sabena and Hubman. I guess this is the advice I expected! It is funny but now that I read over my own post, the advice I would give myself is to catch a grip and move on! I know one thing, I can't play at being friends anymore in the hope that she will come back. I wanted my ex to give me an answer as to why she finished with me each time but she just said it didn't feel right! I have to repect that. Can't bully her! Can't persuade her! Can't trick her! ... and to be honest even if she came back.. can't trust her not to finish with me again!


Time to move on once and for all!




Richard III

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