redhotchilipepper Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Hey all...recently my EX broke 2 months of NC when she e-mailed me asking me how I was doing...just pretty much saying hello so I decided that after 2 months I was feeling much better about myself and our break-up. I told her everything was fine and she eventually asked me if I wanted to see her and I said yes. The next day she came over to my house and when I saw her for that first time I got this nervous feeling in the pit of my stomach but at the same time I was so happy to finally see her. I invitited her in and we talked and cracked a few jokes...everything was going really great. Eventually she would keep leaning in to signal me to kiss her but I wasnt sure what I should do. All of these past emotions came flooding back and it feels like those 2 months didnt mean anything at all...we were right back where we left off. We ended up having sex and agreed that we should be friends and try it out but I told her I didnt agree with us being intimate if we were not in a relationship and she agreed. The next time we saw eachother she kept suggesting we go over to her house and I told her it wasnt a good idea and she promised me nothing would happen. Obviously we ended up having sex again and after we finished she told me she was seeing someone for 1 month and I was very disappointed because I felt angry that she would do this to me and her current boyfriend. I didnt think it was fair that she is sexual with me. I told her that this was wrong and she told me he is already showing signs of being controlling but that he is wealthy and things that I couldnt care less about. Last night I swore to myself I was not going to be intimate with her anymore because nothing good will come out of it. If she were interested in a relationship with me again that would be a different story but not under these circumstances. I will not be used on the side while she goes and lives a totally different lifestyle with this other guy. At the same time I dont totally want to stop talking to her and seeing her because we have a blast together when we are out in public...its just that when we are alone its very difficult to resist someone that you are so used to being with for so long. Can someone please give me some advice as to what I might be able to do in this situation. All that I have done so far is keep my conversation short with her and refrain from responding to her sexual referances. Im confused Link to comment
sbux_addict Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 What a b*a*ch! She's obviously using you, and manipulating you, and she knows that she got you on a leash. I say go NC again - you'll just end up hurting yourself, and the situation will just be messy. I think somebody coined a term "p*ssy whipped" to mean that men become helpless when the woman becomes sexual towards them. Don't be one of them! Link to comment
leo_s84 Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 NC is the only way to go from here, i know it hurts not talking to her, but you will hurt a lot more if you continue down this path Link to comment
-BK- Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 The simple answer to go NC, but it's not that simple. What you need to realize here is that you are still in love with her, and you have no idea how she feels. She has obviously been dating someone else, but misses you in some capacity. My suggestion is to give her an ultimatum so you know where she truly stands. Your ultimatum should be that you enjoy being with her and spending time, but it has to be in the form of a relationship. If she's not ready for a relationship with you (again), you are not capable of being her friend at this time. It sounds hard, but it's best for you in the long run. I can't see you dealing with the current situation... Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 7, 2007 Share Posted December 7, 2007 Man, I'm so glad to hear that guys don't JUST do this to girls. That women can be just as weird about intimate relations with exes. I'm not feeling like you are emotionally, but I do understand. I'm in a similar situation. Went LC for 2 weeks, then NC for a month then LC for another month. Over the past month we had become friendly again as he could see my confidence had shot right up and i was no longer down at all around him. After 3 great outings together over a 4 week period as friends...sex came back into play this Monday. I had no idea it would happen and I was just happy that we were having fun again as friends, mainly because I feel happy about myself again. Now, I as i have said in other threads, I did LC when I felt ok to do so, and didn't do NC for reconcilliation. It was on my mind early on, but in the end I did it for me to heal. To get away from the pain and it helped. So, I guess after nearly 3 months apart we got intimate, initiated by him. There is no one else he's with right now (although there may have been a one nighter before) but I really can't let myself think it meant anything. I wanted to do it to, so I wasn't a victim. But yeah - I won't be going there again as i don't wan't it to undo anymore hard work that i have done for myself. I know he was attracted to me again for him to want it (as he hadn't wanted to have sex with me much, for ages before we split) but that's as far as I think it goes. I know it's hard and we do crazy things, and I don't want to stop the reforming friendship either, but you have to have no expectations. You can'tbecome her FWB, especially if there is someone else on the scene. How would you feel if it were you? Since it happened he's been predictably 'cold' and acted like it never happened - but I expected that so wasn't disappointed. It is a shame though, as we really do have a load of chemistry - but you can't make someone love you. This was totally half my doing too so so there is no right or wrong, but for the sake of my own happiness and any (remote) chance of reconciliation one day - I shant be getting intimate again. I'd advise the same for you, even though it's really hard to resist. he has gone overseas for a month and I have my own trip too, now forced LC is upon me anyway, which is just cool by me Just see it for what it was and don't worry too much. But don't go there again. I'm not worried whether we got back together or not anymore. Im juts moving ahead. Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 9, 2007 Share Posted December 9, 2007 What has happened RedHot? Link to comment
redhotchilipepper Posted December 9, 2007 Author Share Posted December 9, 2007 What has happened RedHot? She texted me last night asking me if she could stop by to which I agreed. She was sick so I just made her some tea and pretty much pampered her. Its just sooooo hard to be cold towards her. It feels almost impossible. I always tell myself this is going to be the last time anything happens but once we come face to face in person everything changes. I just melt and she does the same. I did mention that I had to speak to her regarding some things I had in my mind. I gotta tell her that we arent going to remain intimate as long as she is seeing someone else...she cant have her cake and eat it too. Thank God she was sick yesterday otherwise I dont know what wouldve happened. I decided that I dont want to totally remove her from my life because we told eachother we would always be there for one another. Im feeling happy today which is odd but Im just going to go with it and see what happens. Link to comment
-BK- Posted December 10, 2007 Share Posted December 10, 2007 Be careful dude. You know our advice is just to help you from getting hurt more... but everyone here also wants you to be happy. Link to comment
Frangipani Posted December 23, 2007 Share Posted December 23, 2007 It's about respecting yourself too and showing her you won't be at her beck and call either. Tell her that you can't continue to be intimate while she is seeing someone. That it's unfair the other guy and to you. I know how hard it is to resist...hell I've been there, but there was no third party involved. You don't have to be cold...just firm in your convictions. Link to comment
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