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GUYS WHAT DO YOU THINK??? is this normal behaviour for a guy


confusion123
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Well i am an 18 year old girl and almost a year ago now...i met my internet partner (who is 23) and everything has been really serious between us. I know that age is not a factor for him (although sometimes he makes me feel as though he knows better) and he says he loves me more than i can imagine and i think i believe him. He seems to always be putting me first and is often concerned about my well-being and safety so i know that he really cares about me and is totally commited....i feel very strongly about him

 

But lately he has been making statements like "well i think its because you haven't had much life experience" and "who knows, when you go to university you might meet some nice guy". Well both of these statements may have a degree of truth, but sometimes it makes me feel as though he isnt as serious as i thought or wouldnt be bothered if i met somebody else...that really hurts me because i would be really heartbroken to loose him..he also has the attitude of "well if u meet somebody else, then its probably not meant to be" and it makes him seem even more carefree, yet i know and believe that he truly loves me (through his actions and how he treats me generally). So basically i feel like he contradicts himself and im confused as to how he really feels and what he wants. The weird part is that he seems 100% committed to me and he does his best to keep me happy but them seems like he doesnt care at the same time...

 

I dont know if im overly analysing the situation but i do have a few questions...

 

1) Do you think he would be hurt to loose me to another "nice guy"? why or why not?

 

2) Is he making comments like the ones above to maybe observe my reaction, or does he mean them?

 

3) Are the things he says reasonably normal to any guy and no big deal?

 

4) What do u think i should do?

 

all feedback is greatly appreciated

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I know that age is not a factor for him...But lately he has been making statements like "well i think its because you haven't had much life experience" and "who knows, when you go to university you might meet some nice guy".

 

1) Do you think he would be hurt to loose me to another "nice guy"? why or why not?

 

2) Is he making comments like the ones above to maybe observe my reaction, or does he mean them?

 

3) Are the things he says reasonably normal to any guy and no big deal?

 

4) What do u think i should do?

 

all feedback is greatly appreciated

 

I'm a 37 year-old single guy and I'll try to decifer and speculate on his comments for you:

 

The quotes about your life experience and chance of meeting another guy in college sound like a couple of things. 1) It sounds like he's parroting advice he heard from his mother or some other kind of person whom he respects. Now that advice is seeping into his thought processes. 2) He's creating some type of barrier in the relationship in order to protect his own feelings, in case you really do meet another guy, which you admitted is a possibility. 3) He has a slightly condescending attitude towards you and your age (maybe for real or imagined reasons), and of course that's not exactly making you feel so hot. 4) He's trying to be realistic.

 

Now for your questions:

1) Yes, he would be hurt. He has created some emotional distance, however, so he's already backing out emotionally and limiting the damage he'll feel.

2) He means them, for the reasons I gave above.

3) Hard to say what normal is, because he's referring to a specific situation, where you're 18 and he's 23 and you're going off to college. I would have to say that in a healthy relationship, the guy's not going to question your life experience or say (or think) it's perfectly possible that you're going to meet someone else in the future. For that reason, I think you're justified in your concerns and it's not "no big deal." How much of a big deal is hard for me to say, but it's more than nothing.

4) You should talk this over with him, in as positive and constructive way as possible. Ask him why he said you are lacking in life experience. Has anyone warned him about this? Has he observed something he found immature? Ask him how committed he feels to being bf/gf when you're in college. It sounds as if he may be leaning towards something casual for at least the first couple of years of college. That would not necessarily be a bad thing, although really, the chance of staying together if you're away at school for 4 years is not too good. (That assumes that you'll be any kind of distance away from him).

 

I hope this helps. Sounds like you have some issues to deal with in this relationship and it's good that you're so sensitive and responsive to his little hints. That's a good relationship skill to have.

 

 

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The previous poster is 100% on the mark here. I'd add only one extra thing. Perhaps he's acting aloof to the seriousness of the relationship as a game. What I mean is some guys try to act "aloof" because it gives them a sense of control in the relationship....but this reason is probably a long-shot.

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I agree with dfcannon.

 

As the older guy, he is bound to be insecure which is understandable. He's going out with an 18 year old girl who has arguably yet to experience the best that life can offer. This may well be the real thing for you both but you both admit that university may change everything for example.

 

thereforeeee I think you may be wrong - I think age may be a factor for him. Your particular age gap is particuarly pertinent - you are about to go to university and be surrounded with more people of your level, experience and age than you will ever have known in the past. He will know that in the circumstances, you are more likely to stray than him. So ironically all he can do is use his older age to stay suitably detached - no one wants to set themselves up for a fall.

 

Be positive though - if you really want this to work, talk it out with him. Find out just how committed you both are and make sure that the other is 100% aware of it! Security comes from understanding where you each are.

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