Lost Loves and Exes

[kofi2]

This is a topic i was discussing with a friend and my niece. With relationships, no matter how bad, good or mutual it was when we all reach a certain stage in our lives, we can narrow or condense all our past partners into the most favorable one. There will be an ex lurking in our thoughts that we wished we hadnt broken up with or we wonder as to if it was possibe to hook up back with them or at least know how they are doing? We were discussing this and my niece was saying from a female perspective, when they have an ex and end up with someone who doesnt rise up to the standards of the ex they broke up with, they sort of have a reality check and try to contact that person even after some years. Is that true to some extent and what are your takes on reconnecting with your exex from your past.

[Gilgamesh]

I have no interest in contacting my Exs, unless they happen to be friends still, and only those that didnt hurt me or abuse me in some way.

 

To me its the past, I have no interest in returning with them, and it serves no purpose to dig up the past, it will probably bother the other person also. what you want to know, you want to find out they found someone new and are happy? for what purpose? to make you feel less guilty for having dumped them, or to feel jealous for what you wish you had if they were the ones that dumped you. and what if they are depressed and down and out? do you feel happy because they deserve it for what they did to you, or do you feel bad because you feel you had something to do with it? I see little purpose in stirring up the hornets nest, there is no honey in it, just stings.

 

I see it here a lot in the forums all the time, people asking "why does my ex contact me after 4 years, whats going through their minds" etc.

 

I put all my attention on the present and future with the girl thats in my life now. and plan to share my life with.

 

I see it this way, if I left them it was for a good reason, if they left me, then they lost my trust. Id rather take my chances with someone new, because I know where my ex stands.

[mahlina]

To some extent, what your niece says is true.

 

I always reflect on the guys who treated me the best. All though things didn't work out, even if I got dumped, I always take the good with the bad.

 

The guys that stood out most, were always the ones that treated me right. Guys who I would cry and moap for b/c they played on me (and I'd go through phases like oh, he must be my soulmate), basically, guys who treated me like sh*t, I don't even think twice.

 

If you feel like there's someone who you loved, and they hurt you, and you're thinking that they might still think about you, then you're right...

 

It really depends on the person, but most often, people regret things, especially when bad karma gets them back...

[beagle]

I think that it's inevitable in this day and age to regret and reminisce. This is especially the case if you dumped them.

 

The problem is that within relationships we seem to lose all sense of perspective. Why is it we only know a good thing once it's gone? The last half century above all else has seen the birth of generations of people who hold a defining belief: "The grass is always greener on the other side" and "It can be better". Whilst this is cool when it comes to technological progress, medical advances, etc, it is an APPALLING attitude to take to relationships. As soon as a relationship hits a less than satisfactory period, more and more people bail - "life is too short" they say, "love shouldn't be so difficult". Our grandparents lived in an age of realism, love was about commitment and commitment meant taking the rough with the smooth - on balance they are happier than the disaffected legions of singles wandering the plant today.

 

Why do we regret? Because we always suspect that there was more that we could have done but didn't. Why regret something that failed despite our best efforts.

 

Some things are destined never to work; others were given up upon. i only regret the latter.

 

Our generation is odd - it is the generation of Dawson's Creek, where everything is talked to death and not enough is simply

felt. Any thoughts?