Feeling bad but should I?

[heynowwww]

Hey everyone,

 

Recently I have been nc for 3 months and finally healing pretty nicely. Just a quick rundown, We were together 3 years and she was my 1st love. She cheated on me and we tried to work things out but it just didnt work. She began dating an older man and as far as I know still is. Recently since I began healing weird things have been going on. 1st her dad called me to see if i wanted to go to a football game. Then a friend of hers asked me to go to a surprise bday party they were having for my ex's sister. Her friend said they discussed it and she would not be inviting her bf so I would be more comfortable which is odd. I declined the offer. Today my ex emailed me at work about the party and just asking how ya doing blah blah blah. I decided to just not respond but I feel bad about it. What do you guys think I should do?

[HappyAsALark]

I don't see anything wrong with not replying back to her. Seems like she is getting others to do her dirty work for her and she is basically just wanted to see you or wants you back or both. If you don't feel like you can speak with her right now, then don't.

[Mavis VDSande]

I agree. You don't owe her anything. Who cares!! You need to look after no 1, that is you, and finding new opportunities to meet someone who won't cheat on you.

[Aday5578]

I wouldnt respond, it might open up old wounds. Not saying her email didnt start that but if you respond and she doesnt respond you will wish you just would of left well enough alone....

[heynowwww]

yeah I do feel bad because we had something so special, I just have to remember it was something we had not have. She has issues that I can not help her with I just pray that someday she is happy. It just made me somewhat sad today not responding, its just a can of worms I really dont want to open.

[Ampire]

ya I wouldn't reply - If I got cheated on that would be it, esspecially since you have been healing - If you go back together with someone like that who scars you and hurts you like that emotionally or physically then it will never go away and it will happen again.

[blender]

yes, i agree, it's perfectly okay for you to NOT respond. She is just asking you everyday curiosity ex type of questions, but there is no real revealing of her emotional situation, so it's too emotionally risky for YOU right now to have contact in a "friendly/buddy" kind of way because you still have stronger feelings towards her. You are in the middle of your healing process and if you stick with your no contact she will be forced to reveal MORE EMOTIONALLY if she truly sincerely wants more than just to alleviate HER own curiosity and get a 'FIX' of knowing you're still "just there".

 

Especially since her friend expressed that your ex's boyfriend won't be at the party and you could be comfortable...YUK..WHAT THE HECK IS THAT INFO ALL ABOUT?

 

It all seems a bit immature and passive aggressive, at times the ex has a deep curiosity about the dumpee especially since you've done the wise choice of "no contact"..and at that point the ex has some "curiosity or need" to get an "emotional fix" to know your just willing to still "be there".. well for now you're not emotionally ready to just be a "friend/buddy" so keep up the no contact and stay the course of your healing, after all she still has a "boyfriend" whether he's at the party or not, that's enough info for you to just stay away and keep up no contact for now.

 

After all you have standards and wouldn't want to be talking to her while she's still involved with someone else, heck would you want a new girl you were invovled with to be talking to her ex?

 

So try not to allow yourself to get caught up in whatever passive aggressive non emotionally responsible attmept she is making to have "some contact" with you, instead just say to yourself: "if she had anything really important to express to me, she would do so, until then I will not put my hand in the fire again only to get burned"...

 

Try to separate your "feelings" from the "facts" here, you might 'FEEL" badly TEMPORARILY if you do not respond, but the FACT is she has a boyfriend and she only left a "friend/buddy" type of message for you, so just forget it... you're not her "buddy" right now, you're her ex who is hurting and healing and she has a boyfriend so the most attractive, empowering, healing thing for you to do is to stay out of this messed up picture.

 

separate yourself from this mess, and if and when she discovers a sincere intent to want to be in your life and makes a clear effort to tell you so in a loving respectful way, then and ONLY then do you need to respond, until then she's a girl with a boyfriend and you don't want to be on the sidelines of that....it's just icky.. so stick with your no contact, because if she's ever really respectfully serious about wanting "more" contact with you, or to discuss IMPORTANT things, then nothing would stop her from doing so...

 

right now it might just be her curiosity due to your strength, class and wise choice to go "no contact"..... the last thing you want to do is go to that party and be the ex who she's getitng to see and get an ego boost from even though she really has a boyfriend..ugh...who needs that?

[heynowwww]

Thanks everyone for your replies,

 

I will not get back to her. I decided if she emails me again I will just respectfully decline to her but will not get involved in any small talk which is fine with me. I guess I just felt a little nostalgic hearing from her. Its not that I want her back but I do miss what we had. I hope & pray that someday she can find peace & happiness, but I am forging on.