i said 'i love you' she said...

[Sparkler]

that she didnt feel that way about me.

should i break up or should i continue with her until she is ready to say it. we have been together for about 5 months

[mahlina]

Relationships should be mutual. If you feel as though she is not reciprocating, then maybe you should listen to that voice inside of you.

 

But, if you feel that time is what's important, then maybe you should give it a few monthes. Sometimes, it's better that she doesn't say I love You if she doesn't mean it right? At least she's not lying...

 

It really depends on how you feel though, and what the situation is.

[Sparkler]

it just felt odd saying i love you and then hearing that she didnt feel that way, how could i go from saying i love u - to saying goodbye?

am i being a sucker for sticking around or is it possible that two people can love each other, but one gets there first?

does it only work if both say i love you at the same time?

[thePuma]

Does it only work if both say i love you at the same time?

 

Not necessarily but it sure brings a lot of pain. Waiting for a girl can (and will) be a rock on your shoe on your daily life. It can decrease your performance in your work and it can take you into a kind of light depression. Self-hurting with this kind of feelings can leave very bad memories, especially if you're young (less than 18 years old).

 

Sorry to show you a different perspective but it is true. If she doesn't look like she'll someday say yes, just quit it and forget it... start looking for other girls.

 

Better luck

[confusion123]

hey sparkler,

well ive got to say that i know how your partner is feeling, because i too am involved with somebody who told me they loved me and i couldnt say it back...and its not because i dont love him, he means everything to me its just that im just not sure if its really love or lust.

 

I wasnt really that impressed when he told me he loved me because we had only just met so at the time i definitely wasnt sure how i felt. Its been almost a year now and im still not sure...but i have a feeling i do love him...but by the sounds of things your girlfriend has made it clear to you that she doesnt feel the same way, i think that if in her heart she felt that maybe oneday she would love you she wouldnt have told you that she doesnt feel the same way (i mean that she could have told you that she wasnt ready or something instead)...

 

i agree with mahlina that its good that she was honest and upfront with you...but i think you probably know if there is a chance of her loving you by what she tells you, how she acts, her body language etc... it's not rocket science....i have a feeling that you know that she will never feel the same way but maybe your scared of losing her but if she doesnt love you then whats the point?

 

hope this helps

[mahlina]

From my experience, I had a friend who dated this girl, he said I love you to her for a whole year. Now, both of them were my friends, but anyway, I knew how she felt.

 

No matter how long he stuck out for her, she did not say 'i love you'. Another 6 monthes go by, and she cheats on him while he's away for college.

 

Another situation, another friend of mine, she's been exclusive with this guy for 3 yrs., yes 3 years, and she has not said i love you to him either. He's been nothing but sweet to her family. He says i love you, and they have not had sex.

 

She tells me that she's curious about other guys, and I tell her 'for what?'

 

Both of these guys deserved more than just to be treated like doormats.

 

In the end, the other guy got dumped, and I'm predicting that so will this guy.

 

My friend tells me that she loves him, but is not in love with him.

 

To answer your question: you might want to give it some time, but it will be a gamble, and in the end, you might lose, but hey, love is worth trying right?

 

However, from my experience, women will either love a guy, or she doesn't. In other words, the chemistry is either there or it's not, and you can't try to create it, b/c it doesn't work that way.

 

You shouldn't go through torment to find false happiness. Be true to what you deserve.

 

I hope this helps !

[martinbishop]

It takes a long time for someone to get to a place where they can honestly tell you they love you. Instead of discouraging you it should solidify your resolve. Just keep doing what your doing and wait for her to come around. If she doesn't she doesn't but my guess is one day she'll realize how lucky she is to be loved and she'll reciprocate, just don't force it.

[lokagirla]

i guess in spanish you have an advantage on that. the love concept has many levels that can be pointed at with certain words. the friendly kinda love is "te quiero" ... i guess that makes liking someone more defined than really loving someone.

 

look, i really think you should try to understand her. yeah, there are statistics that say that most that dont express definite love feelings and say it with THE phrase will end up separated from you somehow.

 

well, you oughta think of it as a chain reaction cause of preassure. you tell her you love her, she isnt sure if what she feels is love, feels preassured cause youre imposing such a strong feeling on her, then she starts to seek kinda like "freedom" and ends up with someone who lets her emotions get loosened up.

 

love... what is love after all? hmm, im sorry to say that to me saying "i love you" has become more difficult throughout the years. in love, things have to be taken slowly... u cant push feelings. when u love someone youre willing to sacrifice anything for that person, you love that person as much as you should love yourself. although your happiness doesnt depend on that person, you dont expect theirs to depend on you either. you are always patient... great communication always... no jealousy! and there... love is the bond that unites you and a person that complements who you are. sounds compromising huh? well, thats what love is all about... you want that person to be with you for the rest of your life.

 

for getting to that level you have to get to know that person as well as you know your siblings, your parents, your best friends!!! that love at first sight thing.. thats crap, and in fact, if it results in real love, it started in something that wasnt love... it mustve been after marriage that they began to love that person not at the very beginning! thats infatution! im not saying that what you feel for this girl is infatuation either.. i believe you have built up your emotions for her, based on some acceptable reasons, but you cant just say "THIS IS THE POINT IN THE RELATIONSHIP WHERE LOVE MUST BE FELT" she probably prefers to be sure about what she feels before proclaiming it to the four winds. you have to think, "damn, probably im the one whose seeing things wrong" you dont have to say all that you feel, not until love is mutual. in fact, i wouldnt even say "i love you" until that other person has clearly hinted such a feeling.

 

take things slowly... the first stage of a relationship is the longest!

so keep up your feelings inside until the right times come for you to share them with hers... besides... what if she doesnt feel like that? how can you LOVE someone that cant offer you LOVE... love is mutual ... get that into your head... you have to talk to her and avoid spilling out all those strong deep emotional phrases.