how can we be friends?

[krazykaren]

My partner of 11 years decided to leave me and our 2 boys on friday 24th October. Our eldests sons birthday too. He said he has had enough. We have not been getting on well lately due to lack of comunication ( men dont talk about how they feel according to him) and also my jealousy. Iam gutted that after all this time together he doesnt want to try to work at it. The both of us have admitted things havent been great but I really want to try sort it out, he thinks its too late. I know I have not been easy to live the past few years. 4 years ago I had a nervous breakdown when I just started a new job, my parents divorced, my son was sieriouslly ill and my brother was left for dead after being attacked all within 1 month, as a result of this I have been suffering depression , anxiety and agoraphobia. After 2 years had passed I was finally finding my feet , then my brother comitted suicide, 5 days later my dad died too, to top it of my so called best friend deserted me in my real time of need, so as you can imagine I was down that big black hole again. Since then I have been having councelling, in fact my next appointment is on 11.11.03 and this was going to be my last session as I thought I have sorted through most of my issues. Now my partner has left.

 

WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS??

 

I cant believe it, I am devastated!!!

 

Best of all he wants to be "friends", my emotions are everywhere, part of me thinks "great'll still see him, we'll go out as a family," but I know I won't be able to recover from this loss with him coming and going as he likes, seeing him every day. Not only do I have to cope with my own feelings but I have our 2 boys too. Then theres anger I think " how dare he walk out on us and expect everyone to be fine and friendly" he's ripped my life apart. I am so confused and hurt. If only the hurt would stop, then I could cope. I have lost touch with friends and feel I have no one to turn to for support. I feel so useless and alone and slipping back down the big black hole.

 

[The Morrigan]

I'd have to tell him frankly that his expectations are unrealistic, that it's something you might be able to handle down the road, but if he's leaving you need to deal with that, not him acting like things are just fine and dandy. He's not letting you move on by coming and going, or properly deal with the emotions of him leaving, and you need to put yourself and your needs first. If you need to learn to get through the day without him there, he has to let you learn to do just that, not appear and disappear as he pleases and cripple your efforts in the process. Figure out how you can best deal with the situation, and don't give him the option of putting his wants ahead of your own needs.

 

It sounds like you've had a rough time, best of luck to you.