Please, i just want to know what to do to get her back

[JustaFool]

Here's the situation. I am 24 and my ex-girlfriend is 19. We were together for a year. We were very much in love with one another and were inseparable. We made it through a semester of her being away at school. We always fought through the hard times knowing good times were right around the corner. We knew we were made for one another. Here's the problem. She is a student in a very demanding program. She also works two jobs.(Not because she needs the money though). One job is at a pharmacy, which is good for her future. The other job is at a fast food joint. School, studying, 2 jobs does not leave a lot of time for a boyfriend. I always felt very secondary and the majority of our problems were because I would get frustrated because i couldn't see her often. I would try to help her and tell her that the job at the fast food joint is taking away from her studying. Time goes (2 weeks)by and she begins to feel that I always am mad at her and she always has to worry about what I think. She breaks up with me because she didn't feel I supported her. I said things at certain points that I didn't mean. She said she does not want a relationship with me or anyone anymore. She said I broke her heart. Days went by and I sent her a letter telling her how I know i was wrong and what i learned about myself and how i just would like one last chance to show her that things would be different. She says she does not want a relationship right now. She says she still loves me but she made up her mind. in the past two weeks we have had very limited contact...via phone maybe three times and in person twice(once she met me for coffee and another time i went to her house...she didn't know i was coming) I love this girl more than anything and i saw a long future with her. I know she probably has a sense of freedom right now. No one else to worry about except herself. Please, i just want to know what to do to get her back. I know that you can't make someone want you. I was planning on having no contact with her for a few weeks and see if she missed me. I just fear that she would meet someone in the mean time, in which case i could never be with her if she was with him physically. I have no desire to be with another woman. I know i was an ass and i now what i did wrong...i just need a chance to show her. What do i do???

[giggirl]

well it seems to me she's moved on, if it was another guy id say

you might have a chance, but it's her ambition and determination

that's keeping her from you. that's alot harder to get through than just

another guy. But you'll regret not telling her, so I sugest you write her

a letter or something of that nature and just pour your heart out,

leave your inhibitions behind and just let her know how you feel about

everything and that you will support her in everything she does if she

took you back. But dont leave it left unsaid because Im sure you'll

regret not saying anything at all. Well I hope this helps you get your

girl back, if not she probably dosent deserve someone with such

devotion. Well good luck

[giggirl]

sorry put one to many posts

[JustaFool]

i did write her a very intimate letter saying how sorry i was, how i changed and how much i love her. It also said that all i wanted was one last chance. It apparently did not have the desired effect.

[MollyElise]

It sounds like she realized you were right, she doesn't have time for a boyfriend right now. She has way too much stuff going on to be worrying about whether she's given you enough. If you really love her, then you should let her go, let her grow, let her live.

[wolfy1818]

Why do you say it didn't have the desired effect? Did you hear from her about it or just not hear from her at all?

 

I do think a letter is a good idea also, and it's always good to get everything out that you are feeling so later on you don't think "well if I told her how I felt about this... maybe things would be different.... etc"

 

Your situation sounds like one I have gone through. And don't worry about her being with someone after you, think of it this way, if she is with someone right after you (not likely) then I would suspect you don't want to be with someone who would jump from boyfriend to boyfriend like that. But most likely she wont and it is good to think about moving on mentally (I am not saying to go find another girl).

 

Here's what I suggest though, in my situation I am really sorry that I ended it in a dramatic manner and didn't just say what I had to say calmly and make a graceful exit. She wanted to stay friends and it hurt me to much to hear what was going on in her life so I lost contact with her. Now it's like over 2 years later and I would love to have fun and just hang out with her sometimes but it's so hard to build up a friendship now when we ended it in a very dramatic and emotion filled way and then completely lost contact. Just keep that in mind though and yeah you may need a bit of time not talking to her to get over things, but make an effort every now and then if you in fact may want to be friends in the future. An e-mail now and then or something. I wish I had.

 

Hope to hear an update soon dude, good luck.

 

-John

[JustaFool]

I do not believe the letter had an effect because it did not work - meaning she said she could not give me another chance. She told someone a week after we broke up..."He doesn't care about me. I had a major test today and he didn't even call to see how i did" The person she was talking to responded, "I thought you told him not to call you." She had no response. I understand that right now she thinks the grass is greener on the other side. We all need to experience things. Being 24, I already had my college years. I just don't know why if she loves me so much she can't be with me and experience it. People do it all the time. Last night I sent her a text message on her cell saying that i hoped her statistics exam went well yesterday(different test than the one mentioned above). She wrote back "Thanks for caring about asking me about my test." We texted back and forth a few more times about her sickly grandmother. The she wrote, "well sweetdreams, have a good night." I didn't write back. Do i have a chance with this girl if i give her space for 3 or 4 weeks?