One day she loves, next day is a nightmare

[tconfused]

 

 

I have been seeing this woman for 2 years now and we love each other tremendously! We talk about our future and hope of what might be. She broke ot off with her fiance' a while back and they still friends. What kills me is one day we talk very passionatley and tell each other how much we love each other. The next day she gives me the cold shoulder and even tells me that she is trying to pull away from me. I think she is confused about her ex- fiance', which she has admitted. Can women really turn off and on their feelings like a switch? I am the biggest idiot off all time? When she turns off, do I need to pursue her? Do I just try and ignore her as well and make her think about what she is letting go? Need some help..

[dfcannon]

1) Enjoy the rollercoaster ride as best you can, or 2) if you sense that she'll never get over the fiance, never commit to you, or the volatility is too much, then you have to walk away. Really, those are your two options. You seem to have a good balance about this. Sometimes you'll need to back off, and sometimes pursue, but never get down on yourself if you do the "wrong thing," because its her erratic behavior that's wrong. You're doing the best you can under the circumstances.

 

You might want to read a thread by toddb, who dealt with a woman who's extremely hot and cold.

[JSHRN]

Hi. Sounds very similar to what I'm going through. I've only been seeing my girlfriend for 3 months but we expressed our love for each other early on. We've talked about the future and having a family. She assures me that they are not just words - that she really does love. But the next day we'll talk on the phone as if we are just casual friends. Then she'll talk about how much she misses me and loves me and back and forth.

 

I know she does loves me but I wonder she pushes me away. I, too feel like such an idiot for letting her do this to me.

 

In your situation, 2 years is a long time for her to be acting like she is now around you and I have to wonder why she is doing it. First, I would say accept the fact that she and her fiance are friends (that's a part of her past that she's probably not going to let go of anytime soon). I would talk to her and lay everything on the table. Sounds like she's reached the "comfort level" of your relationship.

 

Why is she confused about her ex-fiance if she's with you? The fact is her ex is an ex because of something he or she didn't like about the other person. I suppose it is possible to always wonder "what if" but the fact remains she's with you and she need to let it go with her ex.

 

The devilish part of me says make yourself unavailable some day when she calls. Answer the phone when she calls but make plans with your friends to do something else that doesn't involve her. She'll realize that you can live without her and she'll begin to miss you. Sounds like after two years of being with you she still has a hang up about her ex fiance. Have you ever asked her why? Come to think of it, if she's with you why would she even tell you about it? Maybe to make you jealous?

 

Hope this helps.

 

Good luck.

[cookies]

that is a really confusing situation to be in,...for shure. It makes me feel uneasy being in a relationship when one day his love may be flowing steadily and then suddenly,...he seems to have pulled away.

 

In relationships, both parties either want to make it work, or they dont . Showing love to one another, on a consistent basis is what builds a strong foundation for a lasting relationship. but, dont call urself an idiot, because sometimes one person just cares far more than the other,...but there does come a time when you will come to realize when enough is enough...

 

I cant tell you one way or the other, if you should pursue it further or not...but deep within ur heart, im sure you already know the answer and if the relationship will be worth the wait...

 

peace

 

cookies

[Mar]

I think you just need to explain to this woman that she can't be this inconsistent in the relationship. If she's promised to be devoted to you, she needs to stick to her convictions.

 

Give her the option of the legendary "space." Let her know that you've (obviously) picked up on the mixed emotions regarding you and the ex, and that you'd rather not be a part of it if she can't say she loves you and you only. Let her sort it out for herself. Yes, it'll be tough on both her and you, but short of that, I don't see how you can get resolution to this problem.

 

Mar