Could you forgive your ex if they date so soon after?

[Archivist]

I just want to know what everyone thinks.

 

My ex started going out with me, like 2-3weeks after she broke up with someone, but they only went out for 4 days before she realised he was basically a freak. We had a very happy realtionship for 1 and a half years.

 

I guess I'm just feeling insecure from the break up with her, but it scares me to think that she might do the same to me. I'd never expect her to date so soon after breaking up with me, since we were deeply involved with each other, but then, I didn't expect the break up either (she still wants to find herself as an individual, back off and be friends, she wanted to break up on good terms, but I'm taking it rather badly).

 

Would you be able to forgive your ex if that happened to you? Even if you knew it was a rebound and it didn't work. Or if they realised that it was a big mistake.

 

I just want to read everyones thoughts.

[bubbamackdaddy69]

I know how you feel man....I've been broken up with my ex for 2 months now and she started dating this guy 1 week after and WE went out for nearly 3 years. I believe my ex is in a rebound relationship obviously and so would yours after so soon. To answer your question, I'm really not sure?? Personally I still love my ex and would love to make things work out again but there is always that mistrust afterwards. I know people will say that she was single and she could do what she wants but most people should have some kind of grieving period before jumping right into another relationship, at least I think so..I've been dating this girl now for about 3 weeks but at least I waited 1.5 months but the weird thing is that I am not over my ex still.

If you truly love her then I would say forgive her but if you guys get back together, then there may need to be some serious talks regarding the relationship.

Good luck ..

[caliboy]

same thing happened to me with my ex. we broke up and although she didn't officially become this guy's girlfriend until maybe a month or two after we broke up, she was still friends with him while her and i were together. she took things slow with him, cause her and i were pretty close and serious. it's tough knowing our exes, who we love so much, be intimate with someone else. 10 months after we've broken up i asked her if she's still with that guy and she says yes, but it's not serious.

 

my ex was/is confused and wants to be on her own and stuff just like yours. this could mean seeing/being with other guys. if you step back and look at things, it's only fair to set her free so she can grow as a person and live her life. she only gets to live once so it makes sense that she wants to be on her own. you want her to get it out of her system now rather then 20 years from now if you two get back together. if things are meant to be with you two, they will. once she gets to the point in her life where she's matured and wants to get more serious, you'll know whether or not if things are meant to be. all you can do now is be supportive.

 

as far as getting past her being with other guys, you should go out and be with other girls. it helps in accepting she's been with other people and it gets your mind off of it. we're all only human after all.

[hshot_rooke]

Hey guys, same situation here.

 

1.5 weeks after a 2.5 year relationship, she hooked up with another guy. Was seeing him at like 11pm at night not even 2 weeks after we ended it.

Moved out with him 5 months later.

 

Don't want to sound bitter and don't want to get flamed to death, but many women do it. They can cause it's easier for them.

 

Hard to believe though that after so long they could just hitch on to someone else. Yes I'm angry, I'm sure we all are. I still love her though and still want to give her the best life.

 

You said it caliboy. The pain from knowing that they are intimate killed me for the first 5 months we were apart. Especially when it feels as though you learned all the intimate things together and now she's giving what you had together to someone else.

 

It's been 9 months now. When will it end?

[Archivist]

I'm sorry that you guys have had to go through this, I have no idea how people could be able to just jump into another realtionship like that.

 

Maybe they think it will help them get over the lonelyness they are feeling. I dont know how I would be able to cope if that were to happen to me.

 

Has anyone on this board been on the other end? Breaking it off with someone and then dating someone else not long afterwards.

[vfunkera]

2day i found out my ex is into someone else. for 3 months now iv been believing to myself and praying and acting on a course 2 get her back. i was her first boyfriend and kiss and, well basically everything. when i imagined about her being with someone else, i got really sad and angry, but felt i could survive it. now that its 'possibly' gonna happen for real, i didnt really take it in as well as i thought i cud. i CAN NOT imagine her being with someone else, and wen it does probably happen infront of me, i think im gonna freak out.

but in a way it is a good thing guys. if u treated them good and was with them for that long, they will probably want it back, especially if the next guy/girl isnt as good as u was. just keep faith, and know that its their loss, they are missing what u can give them, and that there is someone else out there who wants u and deserves u. please dont just read that last quote, BELIEVE IT. oh and that person might even be your ex, jus let them go out there and see what the world is like before they realise what i huge *BEEP*ing mistake they made. lool

 

[kofi2]

I think so far as you know you treated your ex good, she will realize how good she had it and come running back when things dont go well fro her. My ex decided to leave me because she wanted some space. She begun dating some guy and i had to move out of state to go to graduate school. after almost a year of running around, she emails out of the blue trying to be nice. As hurt as i was by her actions and how good i treated her, i realize how selfish people can be. Because things are not working well you want to come back to me; No. I told her i thought she was right in her need for space because it enabled me meet someone who was more appreciative of me. since then, i havent heard from her since.

[hshot_rooke]

Well, what if you never treated her like a true princess. Never complimented her on her beauty. Never said "I love you".

 

What if you realize all those mistakes now? Yes, I believe a person deserves another chance after realizing his/her mistakes. But I highly doubt that this new guy will make as many as myself. I know she's missing out on the greatest life, but she'll never see it that way.

 

I guess I just had to learn from it and apply it to someone else.

Problem is, she was perfect. And I know I'll never find someone as special as her.

 

Heh, feeling sorry for myself...yep. But what else can you do when you've lost the most perfect woman in spirit, body and mind?

[vfunkera]

hshot_rooke i can relate to u soo much. i still think about my ex and unfortunately believe that we were made for each other. everything about this girl was perfect- personality, looks, everything. i treated her like gold, and she left me because of it. u say she was perfect, but never complimented her on her beauty etc when u was with her. did u think she was perfect when u was with her, or did u just realise what u had after it was gone?

im trying to live with the fact that if it was ment to b something will happen, but i think i blew it on the perfect girl, and that the girl i am ment to b with (if it isnt her) just wont b as good as her. unfortunately only time will tell, and u just gotta hope that one day they will realise what theyv lost.

[hshot_rooke]

Hey vfunkera

 

I guess we all feel very much alike.

I treated my EX very well too. We never fought, always had really good times together. I just never was as sweet to her as she was to me.

 

You know what, I never realized she was perfect until I lost her. Some people may say that if you didn't feel it then, then maybe she wasn't the one. But, that's not it. curiosity go the better of me. I wondered what else was out there.

 

Now I know that I don't want anything else. I realize now that I'll never find anyone as sweet as her with all the qualities she had (that I was looking for). I just never saw it in time.

 

Your line:

"im trying to live with the fact that if it was ment to b something will happen, but i think i blew it on the perfect girl, and that the girl i am ment to b with (if it isnt her) just wont b as good as her."

 

Yeah I know what you mean, no one will be as good as my EX because that's all we want now.

 

Maybe in your case she'll realize what she's lost. But in my case, I highly doubt it. That's why I'm taking it as hard as I am. Maybe one day I'll be able to show her the life I can give her.

 

Good luck man.

[sadangry]

Well, I am ready to forgive if I can get him back! I posted my story already, so I am not going to go through the whole thing, but I must say it really hurts that he has someone else now. To think that he can throw away our two-year relationship, and decide to go out with his friend.... While I mope not being able to eat or sleep, he is enjoying this new relationship.... According to him, she turned into a romantic interest from "just a friend" over one weekend... How is this possible? (I know it is possible, but I just don't want to believe it....) It kills me to think that they are being intimate.... He jumped into this relationship knowing that it will hurt me soooo much, so I am assuming that he was willing to throw away any possibility of being back with me just to be with this girl.... All this after I've invested so much in the relationship with this guy.... Now I feel so worthless.... I am hoping that he would never feel for this girl the way he has felt for me, and that they'd break up soon. I am so afraid that as he starts to feel deeper for this girl, he'll lose all the feelings he has for me now. I don't want to be just another friend of his... But I know this is going to happen. I feel so threatened because this girl seems so much better than I am, and I feel like there is no way he'll come back to me.... I know that I just have to forget about him, but I feel so stuck and helpless.... I hate myself for trying to come up with reasons why his new relationship will fail.... I am trying to deal with it, but it's been so hard..... I know he hasn't done anything wrong technically, but I still find myself thinking, "How can he do this to me?"

[Archivist]

Wow I'm really sorry about your situation, its strange how people can suddenly change in an instant, but I think I can begin to understand.

 

Something happened to me also this weekend. I've been going out a lot more to enjoy myself with friends and take my mind off of my ex. I bumped into a girl who I kinda just got to know recently. I met her when I was on my 'break' with my ex, and she did help me a tiny bit by listerning to my problems back then. Yesterday I got the feeling that she might be intrested in me, my friend who was with me also thinks so. She was just being more friendly, touchy feely then usual, wanting to talk to me all the time, and be next to me.

 

I still really miss my ex, I am clearly not over her yet and I am still willing to 'wait' for her to come back and say that she is sorry. I know that I shoulnd't put my life on hold for this girl but I can't help it. However it felt like the emptyness she left me with could be filled oneday.

 

The thing about me is, unlike some people, I won't lie to myself, I can't enter another realtionship yet (if it even goes that far). I'd just be trying to replace my ex with this new girl. Which isn't fair for me or her. I told my friend that, but he said, he thinks I would give in if she continues to push me, and as I slowly start to realise my ex is not coming back.

 

I guess what I'm trying to say is, if someone has broken up with you, they can move on quicker since they were prepared for it. They will still miss you even though they've broken up with you. They may jump into another realtionship straght away, just to replace that feeling of emptyness but it's most probably a rebound.

 

But also get out yourself, and get some attention from other people, if someone shows an intrest in you it really helps make you feel much better. Just becareful what you do, I dont want to end up hurting myself or this girl by doing something which I'll regret.