She likes me, but says no

[Sebulous]

Me and this girl from work have been great friends for exactly a year now. Her and I get along great. There has yet to be a day inwhich we don't talk to each other or have absolutely nothing to say. I know some of her most deepest personal secrets as does she know some of mine. Anyways I have been asking her out and at first she was politely saying no. As time has passed, she has been suggesting getting a bite to eat after work but changing mind upon leaving. She even softly slaps my arm, always bumps me and tries to touch me in similar ways. She has told me I have given her the best compliments and when asked to tell truth and not buttercoat it what is wrong with me or something i do to annoy her, she replied nothing. After many dates asked and her beating around the bush, we finally decided to.

 

We have recently, three weeks ago, been out on dates, but as friends. I paid for her and we even did some activities with her mentally handicapped sister. Both her and her sister had fun as did I. We did go on another friend date in which we had quite a humorous time. After and during these friend dates, she seemed to be different. I am picking up a new feeling from her. I personally think she is expressing care for me. (nothing but a sincere "good nite" at the end of dates)(course a brother or sister has always been present at her time of leaving, thereforeeee hindering some advancement)

 

Recently she had a brush with the law two days before her B-Day. I comforted her and gave her a gift for her B-Day. She finally gave me a hug and gave me a stronger feeling that she does care for me.

 

She did mention giving me a chance but I am moving out of country in 7 months. She did bring this up and makes me think thats why she doesn't want to get more personal. I do want to confront her, but I am afraid of losing our friendship.

 

ANY advice on what to ask or do??

[Shyguy24]

Well all I can say is two things;

 

First how much does she mean to you, really I mean do you want to spend your life with her or just have a fling kind of thing , I mean that’s how she could be looking at it you know

 

Secondly why do you feel you would lose her friendship, has she done anything to give you that feeling.. I would say enjoy it while it lasts.

 

Friendships can survive over a long distance and through time , but relationships cant simple unless they are on a solid footing .

 

Figure this out and then see what u want to do.

[Mar]

I have to think that she's holding back because she knows you're leaving and doesn't want to get any closer to you, only to have to hurt that much more when you go. I can't really blame her, either.

 

I would stick with what you have and consider yourself lucky to have such a great friend. I believe getting involved further at this point would only make your parting that much more painful at the end of your time together, and NO one wants to feel that!

 

Mar

[Sebulous]

well I have moved quite a bit and have always thought that way. I would keep our friendship knowing we both wanted more. It always hurts for LONG. I still think about Gal friends all the time and wonder what it would have been like.

[Ariba]

My advice: stop.

 

She has told you that doesn't want to get into a relationship with you, so you have to respect that. The instant a woman says No, back off. You're just in for more hurt if you continue to pursue, no matter how you justify in your mind that she "really" wants you.

 

You don't know what she wants -- she does. She told you. Listen to her. Maybe she's just making an excuse to let you down easier. Doesn't matter. You know where you stand, and that's a good thing.

 

Just because she uses you are her psychiatrist (telling you about her problems, accepting your comfort) it doesn't mean she's romantically interested in you.