meeting her

[GuyNamedBob]

i have known this girl for about 2 years now and we have become very close. we live around 80miles away, and we know each other through a friend of a friend. she has always said that she wants to meet. we got to the point of organizing a specific date, but ended up having to call it off because of other things. now it seems that i am the only one who mentions meeting up, not her. if i ask if she wants to meet up she is up for it for about 10 minutes, we joke around a bit then thats it, it wont be mentioned again by her. also the conversations between us arent what they used to be.

do you think she has lost interest or trying to play games with me?

we have the chance to meet up soon. but i know that if i leave it for her to start that conversation, it probably wont happen before that time. and i dont want to ask again otherwise ill feel like the one who wants it more. maybe a bit desperate aswell!

what do you think i should do?

[Goldfish6888]

Hi GNB!

 

Just a thought - do you think she might be dating someone else? Sounds possibly like the interest on her side has "waned" - which does happen, when a relationship reaches a stalemate or just isn't moving forward. Relationships are always ebb and flow, with one more into it than the other at different times. Possibly you do want to meet her more. Or it could be that she is "afraid" of meeting you - in that the status quo of your relationship or friendship could change and she likes it just the way it is.

 

Look! this has been going on for 2 years - just bite the bullet and go for it! Just be direct and say "Okay...let's meet up" in a casual and fun way. Arrange something fun to do together! I think at this stage, you both may as well find out - if this *relationship* is more than friends or simply friends (which is worst case scenario). If she says she doesn't want to meet up - well then you will have your answer at last. You will know where you stand and can then move on!

 

Why prolong this for another 2 years? In fact I'm surprised as 80 miles really isn't that far away! An hour away in the car at most!

 

Go for it Bob!

 

Hugs G Fish

[GuyNamedBob]

hey Goldfish,

 

we haven't ever been *official*, as in the past i have had relationships like this and all of them fell apart! so she has had a few boyfriends in the time i have known her, but we have still kept it casual. its only since i noticed that the conversation started going down hill recently, and i could really do with something to make it more interesting.

 

thanks Goldfish i'll ask her tonight if i speak to her, and see what she says, thanks!

[rikka]

I agree with Goldfish, Bob you just need to do it. The distance isn't insurmountable, you've been holding on for 2 years - just do it. I'm sure everything will go just dandy!!!

 

Good luck.

[GuyNamedBob]

Hey rikka,

 

i will ask her at some point, but i dont feel that she is fully committed at the moment, and i dont want to meet if she is going to be preoccupied. (not disagreeing with you both but...you know how it is). at the moment i feel like im losing her

[rikka]

Hmmm... well, what are you looking for from her as a sign of commitment? I mean I understand that you don't want to show up and find out she has a boyfriend/isn't who she says she is etc....

 

Here's the way I see it, she's either nervous or hiding something. Maybe she is nervous about it becoming a reality (finally meeting you) and she doesn't want to get her hopes up/disappoint you/not have it happen etc... Or maybe she hasn't been totally forthright from the get go and now is scared of getting caught in some falsehoods.

 

I guess the thing is, none of us can read her mind. You are the one who talks to her, but i am sure even you can't read her mind. Why don't you ask her what's up? Perhaps there is something going on in her life that is causing her to be pre-occupied and she doesn't realize it. Talk to her and see what she's thinking (in general and if that works out, bring up the visit thing).

 

I guess all i can say is don't pressure her, give her the option to back out of all of this. (not that i'm saying she wants to, but just in case she does). Two years is a long time, and I think it is only fair for the two of you to figure out what is going on.

 

I'm sure i'll have more thoughts later. Keep on posting Bob, the more you give me, the more I have to work with

[GuyNamedBob]

A sign of commitment for me, is that she first says 'Lets meet up' etc, we both know that we want to meet (at least i thought she did, as she has asked before). if she were to do so, i would know for sure that she was ready and wanted to do it. but by me bringing it up i feel like I'm the one who wants this more and that i may be pressuring her.

 

I guess she could be nervous, but admittedly i am too. i really hope that she isn't hiding something from me, but i do know a few of her friends, some who I'm sure would love to say if she was having second thoughts, or was hiding something.

 

I have asked before if something was up, as for some reason she hadn't been replying to any text messages (over a few weeks, not continuously texting her. I got the message (figure of speech, not literally lol) ), and on IM, she was saying very short blunt sentences, and being very vague about everything. I think I just annoy her if I ask if something is up. Also, when I do mention meeting up, she seems very quick to change the subject. Although, a few weeks ago when she knew that there was a time we could meet soon, she was very eager and for a period was almost begging for me to meet her. So I have been receiving very odd signals from her and I'm confused now.

 

Bob

[rikka]

I don't blame you for your confusion. Without knowing too much, it certainly sounds like something has changed. I know you don't want to push (that is respectful of you) and I know you don't want to seem like an over-eager puppy, but it seems like you only have two options that i can see:

 

1) be patient like you are currently doing and wait it out. See if her attitude and mood adjust.

 

2) be a bit aggressive and force her to talk to you. You do deserve more than a brusque nod and a cold shoulder.

 

I can't tell you why she's acting oddly. Since you have some mutual friends, could you maybe pry out some more information from them?

 

This is kind of a tough situation, and I am not sure how you should proceed. I know what I would do, but you know the situation better than me.

[GuyNamedBob]

Hmmm what I'll do is this...for the next week or so, wait it out, see if her attitude and mood adjusts. Whilst talking to one or two friends, asking them casually if they know anything. Then if nothing changes, I'll be more pushy and ask her if something is up and if she wants to talk about it.

 

Does that sound good to you?

 

What is that you would do?

Thanks rikka.

[rikka]

That's pretty much exactly what i would do. wait it out for a bit more - but don't wait too long. The moment might pass.

 

Here's a question, is this a sudden change in behaviour for her, or has this been going on for some time?

 

Either way, keep me posted. I'm rooting for you Bob!

[GuyNamedBob]

As this has been going on for two years, the moment may have passed already hope not.

I'm not sure whether there may just be something going on in her life that I don't know about.

Ummm, I really started to notice something different about her after the summer holiday, I decided not to go on IM as much. Things have kind of gone down hill from there really. She also broke up with her BF of a few months, during this time, and she really wasn't in the mood to talk to me. I didn't want to push too much, and thought it was probably best not to talk to her until she spoke to me. Maybe the wrong thing to do Recently she hasn't been replying to texts and I have kind of given up.