Working thru the residual effects of being betrayed.....

[heynowwww]

Hey everyone,

 

I have posted here from time to time and do have some good news. After 3 months of NC I am slowly feeling a lot better and back to my old self. I just have one problem, from time to time I still feel flashes of anger about the ex betraying me. I think it is because I feel like she has not really had any consequences for the cheating, lies etc... At this point I really have no feelings for her and would never get back with her, but these feelings just sort of bother me. I just want to be done thinking about her. Anyone ever go thru this and how long did it take to get past these sort of feeling. Thanks and have a nice day.

[mbird]

Not gone through this experience myself but from what I see around me, these people usually get whats coming to them. They usually realise that they have lost and destroyed everything good in their lives at some point. Times a funny thing, sooner or later it will catch up on her.

 

Treat it as a hurdle to get to the end product, an experience that eventually make you stronger. A person who you should feel sorry for.

[bobsiesprincess]

this hasnt happened to me either...........but i believe in karma and u should take comfort in the fact that what goes around comes around.

[Stambler]

"Heynowwww, heynowwww, don't dream it's over..."

 

Sorry, liked that song!

 

I know what you are going through. I am slowly getting over my ex, don't want her back, I'm dating, going out with the guys, spending time with my son... life is good. However, I have this problem in that I always feel the need to let people know when I realize they have gotten one over on me!

 

My ex and I are getting along great, mostly for the sake of our child. SO, I ask myself "Would it be worth it to tell her I know what she was up to before she moved out, the lies, the planning and plotting without telling me what was going on?"

 

Nope. Ain't worth it. She knows and God knows. She will have to answer for it some day. And as far as "What goes around comes around"... well, I left my 1st wife for my recent ex and then she turned around and dumped me after 6 years of marriage and a child. I got my "come-upence"

 

I recently saw my 1st wife and apologized to her, told her I had no idea what I must have put her through, now that I am goin gthrough it myself. She was very concerned and sorry to hear what happened. She looked beautiful, and she is still a wonderful person. I can never have her back now, she's happily married to a wonderful man. Perhaps someday my recent ex will be in my situation...

[HajiMaji]

I wasnt cheated on, but I do feel that I was unfairly broken up with. I have also felt the same things you are feel. I cant imagine what it would feel like to have gone through what you did, but even I, with a less intense situation, feel the same things. Im sure its all normal.

 

Infact, I would say that you sound like you are on the right path. There are going to be challeneges at each stage of our healing, and you explained this anger. Its not easy by any means, but it sounds like you are on your way. I have found that when a large amount of time has passed, these things sort of fade away, or you accept them and then they fade. Keep up what you are doing and i promise you will make it out the other side.

[Infrared]

I hope people who cheat or are hypocrits get whats coming to them. I really want my X to move on and meet someone else (Because I know she isn't coming back here) and even fall in love. Then I hope he does the same thing to her that she did to me. She had lost touch with reality so much she couldn't understand the pain or how wrong her actions were (not referring to her breaking up with me, rather what she did right after.) She justified it somehow, while I know had I done that to her I would have been this terribly evil person.

 

Only problem with these type of people is though they probably won't assiociate it with their old significant other. sorry dude.

[Stambler]

...I really want my X to move on and meet someone else (Because I know she isn't coming back here) and even fall in love. Then I hope he does the same thing to her that she did to me. She had lost touch with reality so much she couldn't understand the pain or how wrong her actions were (not referring to her breaking up with me, rather what she did right after.) She justified it somehow, while I know had I done that to her I would have been this terribly evil person.

 

 

This hits soooooooooooooooooo close to home!

[Infrared]

I would like to add, and Chamber I don't not know your situation, but friends of a dumper tend to have the worst moral insight I've ever met. Once again, had I dumped her and hooked up right away after with someone I knew before the break up god would I have been burnt at the stake by them. Of course when she does it to you, it's justified. How these people actually have friends surprises me.

[Beginningandend]

I would like to add, and Chamber I don't not know your situation, but friends of a dumper tend to have the worst moral insight I've ever met. Once again, had I dumped her and hooked up right away after with someone I knew before the break up god would I have been burnt at the stake by them. Of course when she does it to you, it's justified. How these people actually have friends surprises me.

 

"Birds of a feather......" as the saying goes.

 

As for the OP, the only comfort I can give is that it does subside with time. My ex cheated on me with a mutual friend. The worst part for me is I still have quick flashes of them having sex......which really brings my blood to a boil. More than anything else I want them to experience the same thing they have put(and are still) me through. Partly for revenge, but also so they can have a clear understanding of what it is I really feel.....which they don't. They claim they understand this is hard for me, which quite frankly feels like they are insulting my intelligence.

 

Like everything else, it takes time. I still get those feelings like you, but they are slowly subsiding. With any luck we will get to a point where we don't really care enough at all to hope it happens to them. In the meantime, just know you are better off without her.

[whodathunk]

I agree with Camber, she opened up a Karmic debt and it'll boomerang back on her. I believe this strongly and have seen it play out. It might be tomorrow, it might be 10 years from now, but it all balances out.