Me and who else?

[GuyNamedBob]

hey everyone,

 

i have previously created a thread about this girl regarding something totally different to this. But this is still the same girl...

 

well my last post on that thread was that 'she has had somewhere around 6 or 7 boyfriends in the time i have known her (few years now).' and for a long period of that time she has said that she loves me (but not from the very beginning), thinking about it now i am not too sure whether i am the only person she 'loves'.

 

whilst she has been going out with these other boys she has told me that she 'loves me'...

 

...well i have always thought that you can of course love more than one person, but if she was that open to saying that she wanted a relationship with me (remembering she is still with another person and is willing to give them up) i cannot be the only other person she loves, 'on the side'?

 

but dont get me wrong...i know she isn't the person to two-time someone, and is also fairly shy, so she isnt the type to try and have as many people as possible to 'love her' just for the fun of it. i dont feel like im being used, if i did think that i was, i would have forgotten about her by now, and wouldnt even be bothered about how she felt (without sounding nasty).

 

do you think she is being genuine and honest with me?

i havent yet, but would slipping it into a conversation be out of order?

 

thanks

[Cuppedia]

You're right in questioning why she said she loved you even if she was in a relationship, basically, if she was your girlfriend it wouldn't be nice if she went around expressing her love to other guys, right?.

 

She's not necessarily playing when she falls in love with so many guys (or two at least), there could be other reasons, maybe she needs to feel constantly reassured that she is liked or maybe she feels the more people who are into her the higher her value, some girls are like that.

 

I think it would be better for you to not get involved, she's not being considerate towards people who like or care about her, only about her feelings, and yes she might be honest, but she might also like other guys in the same way. If you think there is something that doesn't look right with her behaviour don't ignore it, it's your gut feeling and it's rarely wrong.

[GuyNamedBob]

hey Cuppedia,

 

thanks for the reply. I really like this girl and have done for a long time so I dont want to throw everything away with the chance I may be wrong.

 

How could I find out if it there is whole load of boys she loves without coming straight out and asking her?

[Cuppedia]

I understand your concern so let's go over the facts again:

 

- She had a boyfriend and was telling another guy she loved him.

 

She could have ended things with the other guys first but didn't, she could have avoided getting involved with a new one but gone to you instead but she didn't and she could have not said anything to you but still did even if you were not going to be able to act on it because she was in a relationship.

 

Technically that shows it's not a good idea to date her, if you invest more (thoughts, feelings) it's going to be harder for you to walk away if the girl was indeed bad news.

 

If you still feel it's worth the risk (which I may add, could really end messing you up) just ask her out, if everything goes well after a few dates you can then inquire if you are exclusive, but you'll have to be very alert during the whole thing which might make the experience way more stressful than it should.

 

In short, to start dating her you need to trust her which I don't think you do (with plenty of good reason!), relationships can need hard work yes but never struggle.

[GuyNamedBob]

I understand what you mean, to see whether there is actually something there or whether I am just another guy to her. In the other thread I explained how I would have asked her out but didn't was because of the distance.

 

Which i guess adds more to the reason that I shouldn't invest any more feelings or thought into her. I see where your coming from by asking her out, but if I were to do so, then the distance wouldn't really help if I'm trying to find out if she actually does love me. I will see how things work out between us and maybe try to meet up with her more often, without being pushy.

 

Thanks Cuppedia for all of your advice, and I'll keep you posted.