Is my friend gay? Please I need advice

[NewTeen3003]

I need help, i do not know if my friend is gay, maybe you can help.Heres the story, im 13, my friend is 13 too. I am gay but i dont know if he is. Usually me and 2 friends always hang out. Recently Matt has been acting weird. He told me and my other friend that hes been on gay porn sites. Hes brought up the Homo sextual Topic a lot. He loves to wrestle, him and my other friend wrestle alot and when we were at his house once it looked like he was enjoying it. He NEVER talks to girls. He NEVER has had a girlfriend or tight girl relationship. He tends to stay away from girls. Is he gay? If so how can i be sure and how can i ask him? Whats your opinion?

[cindydm]

NewTeen,

 

You are only 13. 13 year olds are at the age of hormones going haywire. You not gay and visiting gay porn sites does not mean you are gay. Guys always like to wrestle. Guys at the age of 13 may not always be interested in girls as of yet. Acting weird.......can be a variety of reasons.....unsureness........changes.....anything. 13 year olds are constantly having mixed emotions.

 

Sometimes kids think they are gay because they were molested. Sometimes kids think they are gay because they see pornography involving gay sex and it excites them. And getting excited looking at anykind of pornography would excite someone. But you and your friends are too young to be looking at pornography. Pornography influences people to act out sexual feelings and can make those feelings out of control.....sometimes it can influence someone to act out those feelings in unhealthy ways by initiating unwanted sexual touching. If you stop looking at it you would have more self control. This is an age where your mental, emotional, and physical growth are all changing to prepare you to be a man. It is a very hard time and some kids think grown ups do not understand but they do.

 

Your friend is not gay, you are not gay, you are just a teen trying to figure out who you are. Which is not uncommon but none of the other teens would probably admit to it. Some adults would not admit to it but I will because I know what pornography can do. I also know what peer pressure can do when friends tell you that they are having sex etc. But you know......I found out that some kids were lying.....and the ones who were not lying were not emotionally ready for sex.

 

What I ask you to consider is talking to a trusted confidential counselor. In my school we had a curriculum that explained that the age of 13 is an emotionally changing time. It is a time you can think you are in love and not be. (which I experienced) You may think you are gay and not be(I had these same questions.....but I wonder if I would not have questioned this if I had I not been a 13 year old watching pornography). In 6th, 7th, and 8th grade you have a tough time with emotions.......some people have this tough time until they are 16 or even older but it depends on a persons hormones and maturity development.

 

 

Sex is seen in the media, pornography, etc. But NewTeen......sex is something special. I will tell you.....I know the difference. I had sex young and regret it. Sex is beautiful when you save it for a loving relationship and do not do sex just to be doing it....but only have sex as an act of love for another person. But saving sex for when you are mature enough to handle the consequences that come with sex and your emotions is the way things are suppose to be. Having sex could mean, STDs, unplanned pregnacies, getting your emotions hurt......etc. Saving sex for someone you love and respect and who loves and respects you is rewarding. Saving sex for someone who trusts you and you trusts is rewarding. Sexually intimacy is an open door to a person. Emotions are not always able to be hid during sexual intimacy. People use to think my brother was gay but he is not. He did not date until he was around 30. He did not lose his virginity until he was around 30 but it was not because he did not like women.

 

Life is a learning process and sometimes it takes a lot of learning before you get to a certain point. Sometimes it takes several mistakes to learn wisdom. Also, first time sex experiences sometimes do not go right. Emotions play a part on sexual enjoyment especially for females. Feelings that you are doing something wrong play a part on that sometimes. That is why it is best to wait for a loving relationship. Also, feelings of guilt from masterbation plays a part on teens. Yes, it is normal for a teen to masterbate sometimes. None of the other teens would admit it but lots teens masterbate......especially boys......lots of boys masterbate.

 

 

I found this response on a website for you:

 

It is very normal for teenagers (and adults) to masturbate; almost all teenage males do, and many females. It just isn't something many kids will talk about or admit to. There is no medical harm to masturbation: hair falling out, going insane, or becoming blind are just old myths to scare people from what is a normal part of learning about your body and your sexuality.

 

Also I found this elsewhere:

 

Children aged 11 to 12 can identify with others. They understand that they can have several feelings about something at the same time. Their bodies are changing, and many preteens are thinking about sex, even if they aren’t talking about it. Sexual curiosity and attraction to other kids of the same sex is a normal part of development. Just because your child has these feelings doesn’t mean he or she is gay.

 

 

When you are going through puberty you will naturally have the above feelings. Some kids go through puberty in their late teens. So......your feelings are natural. Also, I remember being your age and wondering the same about me.

 

 

You will sort out your emotions as you continue to mature.

[Boarderbuddy110]

Cindydm gave the best possible advice ever... listen to everything he/she posted. He/she is absolutely right. Your 13 and hormones are raging, your seeking new ideas and new concepts, dont jump to conclusions yet because your too young too worry about that... just have a good time

[StrwberriBacardi]

I completely agree... they went all out with helping you outt and you should really follow that... at the age thirteen i thought i was bi and now i know i am strait its just becuase at that age.. everything is starting to take place and you don't really know until you mature more what you really are or want as a sexual partener... hope everything worked out...

[dubster]

New Teen, some of this advice is helpful, but please don't take all of this to heart. I'm sure that Cindydm means well, but the advice given is a bit invalidating of what you have come to believe about yourself. You're gay, so what. I don't understand why someone would try so hard to convince you that you are "not" gay? Cindy, if a 13 year old told you they were straight would you try to convince them otherwise, or tell them that it's just a confusing age and they most likely aren't straight? Gay teens are entitled to feel the way they do, without being told it's a phase and that they don't need to worry about being gay. Denial is more damaging in the long run than allowing yourself to believe you're gay, even if you're not. What your feeling is what your feeling and it should be validated as such.

 

Yes, 13 can be a confusing age, but for some, it can be clear what their orientation might be. If you strongly believe you're gay and are even searching out others who feel the same, than there is a good chance you are gay. Accept it now and start building towards a healthier self image, instead of denying your sexual orientation throughout young adulthood and delaying your personal growth.

 

Being gay isn't the issue here though is it? The issue is whether or not your friend is gay, right? Well, I would advise you to keep a low profile, but continue to discuss the topic if it comes up in conversation. First and foremost, be self protective, but if he keeps bringing it up, let him know that you might share the same feelings or thoughts and are curious. Whatever the case is, he might not be as ready to admit it if he is gay, the way you have been able to do. So remember that if you ever chose to talk to him about it, be careful not to disclose to much information about yourself unless it is absolutely safe to do so. Some people don't quite understand homosexuality just yet and might not be as supportive as they could be. Hopefully, you have found that you both have something in common and you might be developing a friendship for life!