How do I start a conversation with her?

[steveniverson3]

I really like this girl who is in one of my classes. Since this is both my and her first year in high school and we went to different schools before, I don't know anything about her. I can't really start a conversation with her because I don't know anything about her and she is usually in a group of 3-5 friends, which makes it much harder. I have been able to talk to her a couple of times but it only lasted a couple of sentences. I know she likes me cause she keeps giving me glances and on the first day of school she asked my name and ect.. but I didn't take the chance to capitalize then, and now it might be too late. PLEASE HELP!!

[Ender]

You are certainly right that it could be to late. And thats unfortunate, but usually there is no such thing as to late - most of the time, if she was ever interested she can become interested again.

 

Its difficult to 'create' an opportunity to talk to someone. Here are a few ideas.

 

1. Be Gallant - Let her go in front of you in line, open the door for her, if you run into her in the hall, make an elaborate show of getting out of her way.

 

2. Befriend her friends - This is always a good way to get to know someone. If you start hanging out with one of her friends and doing the same social things she does then their is a much higher chance of running into each other. Besides, if you are friends with one of her friends that person might be able to introduce you.

*** Please note - this doesn't work if you don't honestly and sincerly look to become this persons friend. People are intuitive and if you are only going to become this persons friend to use them to get to her they are going to pick up on it and that will piss them off and look bad to her.

 

3. Wait and Watch - The best thing to do is to be prepared for an opportunity to talk to her and then take the opportunity when it arises - because it may be a while before it comes again.

 

When you do have an opportunity to talk to her, here are some things you might want to do or keep in mind.

 

1. Smile - Don't be goofy, but approach her with a smile. It shows friendliness, etc. It also engenders trust.

 

2. Be interested - People appreciate someone who is interested in them, though don't be psychotically interested. Just focus more on asking her questions and talking about things she has to say than talking about yourself. Don't push her though - some people are shy and aren't going to respond well if you want to know TO MUCH, TO FAST...

 

3. Ask Questions - What's her favorite class, what does she like to do with her time, does she have brother's and sisters, what kind of music does she like, what television show's does she like, etc. Its a good idea to come up with a list of things you might want to ask her BEFORE you get into that situation ... even if the list isn't on you at the time the fact that you've gone over possibile questions before will help you come up with ones when you need to.

 

4. Say something nice - Don't use some stupid pickup line, but pick up on something that she's done that impresses you or that you like about her and point it out. It will make her feel good. If you don't know what you like about her, then it's a good idea to make a list ... if you can't come up with something, then you probably don't really have a good future. And the fact that she is attractive isn't enough to build a relationship on.

 

5. Observe - Listen to things that she says and remember them and then bring them up. If you find out she has a brother, ask how he's doing. If she indicates that she likes a particular subject, ask how she's doing in it. This will show her that you care enough to make an effort to learn about her, to remember it, and to inquire into the things that are important to her. Don't find out TO much about her though, it might scare her. But its always good to say something like, "I heard you say in class that you got a new cat - what's its name?"

 

6. Have something to contribute - Think about the kinds of questions that you might ask her and then make sure you've got answers to them. Think about what you might say to her and tell her about your life. Your conversation isn't going to go to far if you don't have anything to say to her when she asks. Communication is a two way street.

 

7. Write an imaginary dialogue - pretend that you get a chance to talk to her. Write down that conversation. Imagine what you say and then what she might say and so forth and so on. Remember that this may not be true, but by rehearsing it this way you help to prepare yourself when you get into it.

 

8. BE CALM - Since you like her, you are probably going to get really nervous. Thats normal and its okay. Don't fight it. Just take a deep breath and focus on talking to her. The absolute worst that can happen is that she wont be interested - and while that may seem like the end of the world, its not. Rejection can be hard - but allowing your fear of it to control your actions is an even greater loss. No matter what, you'll heal, go on, and get better.

Remember the song about unanswered prayers - sometimes the fact that that things go wrong is a good thing because it allows us to be open to better things in the future that are going to go right.

 

Despite the fact that I've given lots of 'techniques' here for talking to her, they alone are not enough. Ultimatly the only way you are going to get to cultivate a friendship with her is if you BECOME the kind of person who she wants to talk to. You will need to BE interested, sincere, friendly, and open. You can't just try some techniques and hope that will be enough - it might work at first, but it wont be sincere and will ultimatly backfire on you.

 

Well, I hope this helps a little.

 

Ender

email removed

 

----

Courage Brother, you do not walk alone.

----

[hintah]

Send her a note: In your note say,

 

"I want to know you better so I'll go first. Here are five things about me."

 

Include your phone number at the bottom.

 

Make sure the five things are cool things. Like,

 

I play the flute

I've been to Japan

I jumped out of a plane

 

Just make sure they are things that are true. Don't be surprised if you find out her friends saw the note. If its a good note, you may get lucky and get more than one date. By the way, give her a note, not an email.

Notes are old fashioned and more romantic. Just make sure its on good paper.

 

All the best

[monkeyman]

No! Do not send a note. She'll just talk about it with her friends, and make fun of you. It also shows you don't have the balls to talk to her face to face. Girls don't like that. Plus, you never know, you might accidently write something stupid in the note, that she won't understand. I have a friend who asked a girl out with a note saying he 'wanted to take the friendship to the next level.' She still talks about it, and it made her feel sick. So, no, face to face is better.