WHY? HOW! i am turning into my X

[Shyguy24]

Okay here is the problem

 

Good friend goes out with girl and then dumps her ;

 

His x tells me the sob story , I console her as a friend on the phone ;

 

She keeps calling me I never call her or msg. her (I just was not attracted to her at all, mentally nor physically I thought she was unattractive to the point where I was not attracted to her )

 

She calls me and calls me asking about my good friend ; I am in a different town now working in a law firm so real busy hrs ...i told her i haven't heard from him (i had but I dint want to hurt her)

 

Okay my friend shagged her ; made fun of her and told me to shag her ; okay I am not like that I am a emotional person plus I have a sis so I cant think about treating girls badly in any sort of way ;

 

I feel sorry for her so when she calls I just talk to her casually all the time nothing personal , plus not for more than ten mins;

 

She keeps calling and finally when I come home for the weekend she finds out (I don't know how?) she asks me if I am busy and stuff so out of politeness I agree to take her out for coffee;

 

 

OKAY HERE IS THE PROBLEM …..I DON'T FEEL ANYTHING FOR HER AND I AM NOT AT ALL ATTRACTED TO HER PHYSICALLY , infact she wants to see me again , I HAVE TOLD HER THAT I AM MORE KNOW THE PERSON ..AND THEN GET INTO ANYTING PHYSICAL KIND OF GUY

 

Now the thing is that I don't want to see her again ; last time I told I would call her but I didn't , she made a point to ask me why I dint so I just said I was sorry and that I had got busy

 

So the thing is that I don't want to hurt her , and I don't want to lead her on or lie (I feel I am turning into my x…. I mean is this what people feel …when they don't want somebody in there life ..

 

I just cannot see myself with her anytime or anywhere and the only reason I started talking to her was that she had my no and called up after her break up SO IT WASANT MY IDEA ….I JUST FELT SO SORRY FOR HER …I MEAN NO ONE SHOULD BE TREATED IN THAT WAY !!

 

So what do I do now ??? Also another thing my friend can like date say 15 women and shag them …but I will meet like maybe double the amount of women but …I cant see my self being with anyone until I really like her specially as a personality … IS THERE SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME AM I LIMITING MY SCOPE …OF being with other women …

 

Okay looks matter to me okay but say …6 on looks and 9 on personality (that's how I see myself , so I just want smthing similar in the other person)

 

She can be decent to look at that's all ..are my standards wrong ??? I mean its fair to be with someone who is atleast decent looking so that u feel physically attracted I mean that is important to right ??

 

Thanks guys I hope all u guys will help ! just let me know ur opinions honestly no matter what they are thanks

 

shyguy

[sweetharmony]

i think that there is nothing wrong with wanting to be attracted to a gril that you date. I completely respect you for being so nice to this girl- perhaps a little too nice. Don't beat yourself up for not ebing attracted to her. Liek you said in your message, looks are a 6 and personality is a 9. if you aren't physically or at least mentally attracted to the person you're with, it will probably not work out. It seems that this girl's perosnality isn't attractive to you either.

 

anyway, if you don't want to talk with this women, be honest with her. tell her that you are just not interested in her that way and that you wishe her luck let her know that it would be uncomfortable dating a girl that your friend dated.

 

i respect you for not "shagging" every woman that you meet. waiting for the right one is a good quality. don't feel bad for not being like your friend. but you need to be straight with this girl and tell her like it is.

[Shyguy24]

Okay but being completely honest wont i be hurting her like my friend

 

isnt there a better way in which she could just get a hint , i mean i have

 

tried my best not to encourage her or give her any wrong ideas!

 

how could i just let her go easily without like hurting her in any way ?

 

hey cmon guys i need ADVICE I THINK I DESERVE MORE THAN 1 REPLY ...I MEAN IF THIS SITE IS ABOUT HELPING THEN LETS HEAR IT !!

[buffalosoldier]

Hey you.

I wouldnt worry about this too much,i think its just your 'nice guy' syndrome taking over.(Not that thats bad).

 

My first question that im quite curious to know the answer to is,why did she turn to you for a shoulder to cry on? It seemed from your post that you were literally the first person she told about it.It just seems strange.

Does your friend mind you talking to her or does he not know? If he does not know i would tell him,otherwise you could be treading on thin ice talking to his ex (i only say this coz ive been in a similar situation which got quite ugly).And plus if you dont really like this girl then you dont have to worry.I can understand that you dont want to hurt her further,but at the same time she needs to learn to deal with this herself,coz your not always gonna be there and she cant keep talking and sobbing to you to find out what her ex is up to.- Thats called using,and im afraid to say that i think she is using you.Maybe not intentionally,but that is what is happening,and its not healthy for her to be checking up on her ex boyfriend at all.

 

My advice is,dont give anything away to this girl,though you might feel bad to begin with(coz you know how it feels i expect) it will be much better for her and for you.You wont feel caught in two minds and she will learn to deal with her frustration and hurt on her own and will stop this unhealthy act.

 

By all means be polite to her,that is a part of your personality,but what i will say is dont be tempted to follow in your friends footsteps,be your own person and you will find people that like you for you.

 

You can always be her mate,but just make sure its for the right reasons.You need any more help you know where i am.

 

Cheers mate

[Shyguy24]

Hi sweets,

 

well it seems that why she turned to me to tell everything is becasue i

 

have known her boyfriend for like 10+yrs , so she feels i know him best ;

 

 

also he knows that she been calling me because i told him that the

 

moment she called casue i am very clear cut about these things , about

 

him know ing casuse i felt it was my duty that he should know casue he is

 

a good friend of mine ;

 

 

also he wanted me to go out with her and shag her and do whatever , which i found pretty alarming

 

 

so thats that , anyway she msged me agin today and asked if we could

 

meet tomorrow but i havent msged back ; casue i dont want to lead her

 

on just for that ..i mean if she wants a mate then its okay but i am not

 

going to be her bf casue i dont feel that way about her

 

 

hey Sweets thank you for ur advice , i wish or once i could be with

 

someone who really loved me and wanted to know me ..

 

shyguy