Unable to Step Forward w/ GF

[Blah213]

Hello,

 

I've been going out with my girlfriend for about 4 1/2 months now. Like I've said in previous posts, we broke up and recently got back together like a month or so. We've worked out all of our issues and are so much in love with each other. We can't stop touching each other (holding each other, lying on each other, hugging, etc). We can't stop telling each other how much we love each other. We are just so much in love with each other. It's really great.. there is only one problem. There is a lack of intimate details in our relationship.

 

I mean we make out fairly often, but not as much as most couples do. I guess that's a good thing though that we're not purely a make out relationship. We're actually something more than that. We acutally care about each other. However, I'm a little worried about this. See, she just got out of these "hook up friends" kind of thing. She would go out with these guys she didn't even care too much for, and she would just make out basically the whole time with them. She didn't do much more, but she got fingered too. Anyway, this has me a little worried because she didn't really like the way I kissed her for a little while. I mean, I hadn't really kissed much before I kissed her. Definintely no makingout with anyone. I'm worried she doesn't want to kiss me because she doesn't enjoy it..

 

That also leds me to worry about moving on past making out, onto some more serious stuff. See I'm pretty sure we both want to start "fooling around" with each other. Not sex, at least not yet anyway. I haven't made any moves on her to go this far because I'm worried that it will end up being like the kissing thing. Besides, I've never gone this far before and she has once. So I'm a little unsure about what to do. I have no problems making a move on her to kiss her or anything like that though. I'm comfortable with that.

 

We're both teenagers, and my question to you all is, is our relationship normally or good? It's unlike almost all others that I know of. I don't know of anyone else that has what we have? Is it a bad thing that we haven't been that intimate with each other? Do you think she might not like kissing me, which explains why we aren't makingout nearly as much as other relationships? How should I go about making my move to "fool around" (like fingering her, probably not oral sex or anything, etc). We have Homecoming coming up, and I heard that she wants to do something then... so I don't know! It would be better if she made the first move! Lastly, What are some GOOD tips for making her WANT me? How can I drive her crazy?

 

Please reply! I appreciate your help. I'm just confused about how our relationship is and whatnot.

[Mar]

I think the first thing that clouds the issue for people in your situation is the EXPECTATION that you have to go further. Who says? If she's not that intimate now, it could be because she's actuallly USING HER HEAD and doesn't want to risk getting pregnant at a young age *huge applause* or just isn't comfortable going that far yet.

 

It could have nothing at all to do with you. She may just be hanging onto her morals and has decided that, until she's completely sure she wants to do this, she's not going any further. But if you're uncomfortable with it or unsure of where she stands or what she wants, I'll give you 5 seconds to guess what you should do about it........*counts*...........................

 

TALK TO HER. Let her know how you feel, and ask her how SHE feels about it. Better yet, if you truly want to be a gentleman, leave out how you feel (unless you're comfortable with not going further and aren't that anxious for sex either) and just find out where she wants to go in this relationship. There's certainly no time limit on when to have sex, and NO one should have it before they're completely ready and completely sure this is what they really want to do, no holds barred, AND, AND AND AND, can have sex responsibly. You won't know until you discuss this with her and find out where she stands, and she should SO appreciate that you took her feelings into consideration on such an important thing instead of just rushing ahead with it!

 

Mar

[Blah213]

I understand all of that. I don't think either one of us are ready for sex yet, and I don't really care if we do have sex or not. That's not a big deal for me. I want to just have fun with her, and maybe do some more intimate things. You made a good point when you said that some people feel like they have to, but I feel like I want to. And she's spoken to some people that I know and she's said that she feels like she wants to. I'll try to talk to her, but I really don't know. We haven't discussed anything like this before. It would be really akward to me, because I'm always trying to be really polite and we just generally don't disucss anything like that. I wouldn't want to risk something changing between us, so that's why I was thinking maybe I should just let things happen as opposed to talking to her about it. However, if something doesn't happen soon and I feel the same way, I'll talk to her about it.

 

Anyway, please keep the posts coming please! I appreciate all your suggestions! If you could answer some of my other questions too!

[mexmickey]

Let me get this straight...

 

1) You have been going out with this girl for ONLY 4 1/2 months (on and off). Or does the on and off add up to more time? How long have you known eachother?

 

2) She has hook up friends... does this mean she had then while the two of you were together? If she had them, does that mean that she doesnt really care much about sensuality, it's just a way to pass the time? because if you think about it, it sounds like she just did it to do it. and now that she has you, she feels secure and not required to do anything. ... and with the kissing thing, it isnt a big deal. I have told my boyfriend that i didnt like the way he kissed, but it may be just the lack of experience or your too fast or too "hungry" that takes all the emotion out of it. You have to realize that kissing is an emotional expression that is sooo underated in out time and age. It is what leads to running the bases. You have to really understand that "moving on" if its meant to happen, it will just happen. But how much farther do you really want to go? Especially, think about what the most responsible thing to do would be. If you both want to mess around, i dont think you really have to talk about it, it will happen. and if she doesnt want to then she'll make you stop unless she feels like you are going to reject her for it... which you are NOT right? You can't judge a person on the way they kiss or what not... you just have to feel the connection (not body to body) but more like soul to soul. If you can read her eyes and know that she loves you, what else matter. And you may just be moving too fast... i mean 4 months? Well... it is the 21st century, but i still think its too fast.

Plus you may just "think" you want to move farther because your thinking with your hormones and not with your BRAIN!

 

Hope this helps, if not ... sorry. I just thought you would appreciate my point of view.