HELP!

[badmotorfinger]

my boyfriend of about a month just found out that his grandfather is dying of lung cancer and he only has a few weeks left to live. i really don't know how to handle it because i've never experienced something like that. he seems to think about it a lot and even though it really doesn't affect our relationship, i wish that there was something i could say or do to put him in a better mood. does anyone know the best way to handle it.

[Latavia]

heya hun,

before i say anything can i say your such a great girlfriend to be caring for your man like that, and im sorry to hear this!

Im not sure if this will help, but ill give it a go anyway. To be honest there is no perfect way to handle things like this at all, so dont think that you need to, coz you dont trust me. i can really relate to what you and your boyfriend are going through, my dad past away less than 12 weeks ago and im going through the motions of deep deppressions. However unlike your boyfriend i hadnt seen my dad for two years, then saw him for less than 10 seconds in a coffin, so you can reassure him that he is EXTREAMLY FORTUNATE to be with him for the time that theyve got. I neva got the chance to even say goodbye, he does and that will mean so much more to him than he could ever imagine. All you can do is just be there, reassure him , preach to him that you LOVE him and that you will never leave him in his time of need and that he's not alone. the saddest thing about losing someone you love is thinking that your on your own. However its true that you can have all the love and support and still be on your own. So just make it clear to him that come rain or shoine you will be there, because even though we may think we dont need anyone we really do. OIts also important to respect his wishes and give him some time to reflect and take it in(the situation, and his departure when it comes)Im sure your doing the above anyway, so its all good. Im not sure weather his grandad is in hospital or at home, but make sure he gets to spend alot of time with him. Mentally the brain is building the strength, so even if he thinks he cant take it he can.

You said he thinks about it alot, that will happen for a very long time, so theres nothing anyone can say opr do to stop him from thinking about it to much, however its important that he finds his own reason for why things happen the way they do. The thing to tell him not to do, is go overboard with morbid thoughts coz trust im going there all the time and it aint helpin! I believe that humans since day one have a purpose, and reagardless they were going to die anyway, i know its a shame when they go to soon, but it had to happen, and we dont know why know and not later. He will overcome this, its just takes time. regardless of how close he was with his grandad a loss is a loss, but the love they both share remains forever, so remind him that though his grandad may not be around physically as long as he has his blood flowing through his veins they WILL BE TOGEHTER.I also believe that when people die early than we want or sudden, its gods way of asking his angels to come home. so count his grandad lucky. im sorry if this doesnt help, but hey i tried.

you will find that you will help him naturally, and if he does shout at ya, which is normal, he doesnt hate you, he's just hating whats happening.

i hope your boyfriend and his grandad spend loads of time togehter in peace and that god or whoever controlls what happens to us, gives him a few months extra to live.

 

hope you to get through it in love,

 

god bless

 

Lataviaxx

[Shy_Guy]

I don't think there's anything you can say that will put him in a better mood. You might want to gently try to get him to simply talk about his feelings, his good memories of his grandfather, and just let him work his own way through this. Be supportive, open and things like hugs and kisses will never hurt. You might want to go to the trouble of buying him something like a card and/or flowers. Take your time and pick one that spells out how much you REALLY care, or write your own. Everyone needs to deal with grief and loss in their own way, and at their own pace.

 

Good luck!