Did I smother him?

[hollyhoney83]

OK...this topic is kinda off the wall but hear me out....

 

I was in a relationship with a guy for 2 years, he broke up with me then we tried to work things out....twice...needless to say they still didn't work out and we decided to break it off for good recently. I'm still a little brokenhearted, but like they say...even a broken heart keeps beating.

 

Aside from this though, something that has really been bothering me is that my ex said that I was smothering him and not letting him have his space. Now I don't really consider myself to be smothering but let me explain the situation, and maybe I can get some feedback.

 

When we started going out and even throughout our two years, things were great. He'd write me notes and emails, he'd hang out with me, he'd make time to see me, and that was great. I guess I got used to this because after we'd broken up and gotten back together, I was hoping it would go back to the way things were. However, they never did. He'd always hang out with his best friend more, he'd hardly ever call, he'd hardly ever want to see me. He just became intent on doing other stuff. I could handle that, even though sometimes I would get pissed. I mean it's one thing to say that you don't want to hang out with someone, but it is quite another to make plans with me, then when your best friend asks you to make plans, you totally break plans you had with me. Anyways, I would get upset a lot, and he would just keep ignoring me...unhealthy I know. So finally he said he needed space and that I was smothering him, that he felt he didn't need a gf, but not even two days later, he was dating another girl. So basically I have no idea if I smothered him, or he just wanted someone else or what. I don't believe I was smothering him though, or maybe I was....that's what I'm asking???

 

On another note, I do want to move onto another relathionship and start dating and all, and I don't want my new guy to feel that I am smothering him....any feedback?

[persephonesleeps]

Some people need more space than others.

From what you have shared, I don't see any evidence of what I would consider to be 'smothering'.

Everyone has different needs and wants in a relationship.

 

The next time you are in a relationship, I hope that there is more open, honest communication...it seems as though this guy is laying all the blame on you...and for some reason, you seem to be accepting that.

 

I think it is important not to allow others to define who and what we are.

I think it is also important for being to communicate their wants and needs openly and honestly in any type of relationship if it is to last!

[persephonesleeps]

...and oh, another thing...if someone is feeling 'smothered' that doesn't mean you have done anything wrong...it might not even be about anything you have done. Different people like different levels of closeness.

 

If you loved someone, and you felt that person was not giving you enough space, wouldn't you talk with him about this and try to compromise?

[Natalie67]

i think some ppl DO need more space, and that you shouldnt look at him whatsoever! If he has another girl, that's his business. You, well, you should find another guy, one you like and one you can date. Forget about this one.