Break up and let her know?

[JimJohnson]

Hi I dont know where to begin. Me and my Ex gf were together for 2 years and definiteley had our ups and downs. She cheated on me and I started to distance myself. Well while I was distancing myself, I met someone else. I was sort of talking to both of them but the girl I had met had a BF. Well my girlfriend at the time got pregnant and 9 months later we had a baby....2 months ago we had the baby. Well after the baby was born we were back to arguing and neither of us were happy. So I asked her to move out and she did because I was still sort of talking to the other girl who had just recently broke up with her boyfriend. Well now my babys mother is living at home and the girl who I was talking to... Well we got in a relationship. She is moving in in a month from now and I dont know if I can even tell my babys mother. Do you think this is something I shouldnt tell her and let her find out on her own or should I even say anything? I dont want to break my baby mothers heart but really my heart isnt there anymore with her.... Any insight?

[JimJohnson]

Just in case anyone asks. I am very involved with my daughter and I am with her 50% of the time so no I am not giving up on her at all

[Zackinlaw]

It's hard to say ... what do you want to happen? Are you moving to be with this other girl? There are so many commitment problems in this triangle my head is spinning!!

 

Zack.

[JimJohnson]

Ha ya I understand. Pretty much this girl is moving to Norcal from SOcal to be with me. I am just wondering if it is a good idea to tell the babys mother. I dont want to hurt her but....

[Zackinlaw]

Jim, if you are going to be in a new relationship AND be part of your daughter's life, then it is inevitable that you have to make your old g/f aware of it. Otherwise you run the risk that when she finds out about it, she will think you were hiding it from her, and will cause more hurt and bad blood between you.

 

I wouldn't rub salt in the wounds by mentioning that you were "sort of involved" while you and the ex were together and having a baby. It puts you in a horrible light which, although probably somewhat deserved, may affect your ability to deal amicably with your ex for your daughter's sake.

 

Good luck

 

Zack.

[barbielovesmac]

I agree that if you are going to continue to be a part of your daughters life, then it may be considerate to let your ex know.

 

Just so there aren't any surprises. Don't tell her that you were talking to her while you guys were dating. That will just be a mistake and it will open a different can of worms.

[Lana0120]

I think you should tell her. She's going to find out one way or another if you're planning to keep in contact with your child, so it's better to be direct rather than for her to come over to your place and be embarrassed.