Married women and flirting

[Miss Firecracker]

Fantasies always outdo reality.

[OmegaMan]

Fantasies always outdo reality.

 

Amen to that.

 

But when it comes to a battle involving both heart and mind, the heart almost always wins.

[Sweet Buttabean Jellayroll]

woman is married that should be enough for you too say "hey back off, i dont want the drama" unless you want too keep dealing with her

[Miss Firecracker]

Amen to that.

 

But when it comes to a battle involving both heart and mind, the heart almost always wins.

 

And the fallout is never worth it. And the humiliation after it's over is what ruins so many lives.

 

Look at what is happening to Angelina Jolie. This is only speculation on my part, but I believe the reason she looks so rough is because she lives with guilt over taking another woman's husband, first emotionally, then completely.

[wester]

I do feel that I'm sinking, and part of me doesn't care about the thousand reasons why this is a bad situation. I only know what I feel, and it's starting to completely block out what my head tells me is the right thing to do. So, maybe some part of me wants to sink. i just don't know at this point. But I do know that this is affecting my ability to concentrate at work and outside of work. I mean, she's my first thought in the morning and the last thought before I go to sleep.

 

I want to know what she feels because I'm hoping that it will bring some end to this. My head is telling me that she's just overly friendly, and that she doesn't understand what she's doing. I think if i find this out for sure, that will help me get over her. I just don't know how to find this out in a safe way. Does any of this sound rational, or am I going over the deep end? I'd love to know if there's a way to do this.

 

Of course, maybe I'm just hoping to find out that this is all mutual. I'd say there's a slim chance of that, but you never know. I hope it isn't, cause that may lead to real trouble. But then again, maybe I'm willing to risk a little trouble.

 

As you can see, I'm really confused. I wish I had never met this girl.

[Miss M]

My guess is that you feel flattered by the attention and that's the real hook for you? (and please tell me if I'm guessing wrong.)

 

Consider this... a married woman who sits on your lap knows exactly what she's doing. But she's not on your lap because she's really interested in you. It's really because she likes the reaction she gets from you. Yep, she's the "star" of her own weird fantasy, not you; you're just a prop. She's actually very selfish, self-absorbed, self-serving, thoughtless, inconsiderate, cruel, rude, disrespectful, predatory... in other words, nothing good, and nothing wonderful. And you're being exploited by someone who cares nothing at all about you.

 

And I know it probably doesn't look and feel like that at all, but at the stripped-down core level that's really it.

[wester]

" Yep, she's the "star" of her own weird fantasy, not you; you're just a prop. She's actually very selfish, self-absorbed, self-serving, thoughtless, inconsiderate, cruel, rude, disrespectful, predatory... in other words, nothing good, and nothing wonderful. And you're being exploited by someone who cares nothing at all about you."

 

I don't know if you'd have that opinion if you met her. I understand where you're coming from, but I think that if you knew her, you would see that she is a good person. i just can't accept that she is doing this just to get a reaction from me, or to lead me on. She's not that type of person. She just probably doesn't know the effect she's having on me by doing these things. I doubt there's anything more to it, even though I wish there was and a part of me can't seem to shake the notion that maybe, just maybe, she has some sort of feelings for me. This is so wrong, but I can't let it all go, and I can't think badly of her. I need to somehow find out what she feels for me (if anything).

[JadedStar]

I agree with Brenda.

 

And I think your thinking is clouded with her. If she was that much of a good person would she hurt her HUSBAND this way? IF she is leading you on to this extent lord knows she is not thinking aobut how the man she made a commitment and vows to.

 

WHAT IF she did have some small feelings for you? Would you honestly take part in wrecking a marriage over this? IF she really did SHE bears the burden - NOT YOU- of going to her husband and separating letting him know she has feelings for another.

 

There is no way on God's green earth I would want any parts of a person like this who had feelings for me while married and playing aroudn with my feelings behind their spouse's back. If they can do it to their spouse, they could do it to me.

 

Find a woman who is not taken and seriously consider not thinking about a woman who is promised to another. It's the right thing to do.

 

And seriously next time she gets in your lap you should boldly say "i don't know maybe you should move, what would think? I don't want him mad at me over this. Jolt a bit of reality into her brain. I think every married woman alive would think a man who did that was a real hero and a winner, except of course this married woman because it would be a reality check for her.

[OmegaMan]

After all has been said and done, I think you've already made up your mind, right, wester? Am I wrong? Although everyone has warned you about the destructive potential of this, you will still carry this one through, right?

 

I'm not saying this to judge you or berate you, not at all. It just sounds like you've made up your mind about this and like her too much to reasonably let this go. I'm not blaming you, do what you have to do and learn from it, whatever the outcome is.

 

I know you're convinced that if someone met her, they wouldn't think that she would be flirty.

 

I will go against what you're saying and say this:

 

A woman who let's a guy sit on his lap, in the situation you've described is well aware of what she's doing. How couldn't she be.

 

I mean, no offense, but would you still be saying she was friendly is she was touching your private parts? I'm exaggerating here, but some things are more than signs.

 

Either way, I hope you don't end up in a world of pain.

[wester]

I don't know what i'm going to end up with. I'm in a world of pain already because of this bad situation. And Brenda, the problem is that I can't walk away. I work with her, we see each other every day. I can't just forget about someone that's always there.

 

One other observation. Everyone here is saying things that make alot of sense. I'll admit that. But have any of you really been in the type of situation that I'm going through? I wonder how all these sensible principles would hold up against feelings that just overwhelm you. And if any of you have been in my shoes, did you do what you're saying i should do: walk away?

 

I also want to hear from anyone who has been in this situation and pursued it with positive results. Two people i work with met on my job, left their spouses, got married, and now seem to be living happily ever after. In other words, pursuing a married person is not always bad. Anyone else know of similar success stories?

[Robinson]

But have any of you really been in the type of situation that I'm going through? I

 

Yep Of course in my case it helps a lot being:

 

- married

- son of a brokeup marriage that ended exacly because of such a situation

- wimp enough to be able to put my feelings in the deepest bucket of my heart when a situation has "no!" all over it.

 

Ppl like to give advice on other's situations, but surely a lot of us have been there mate.

 

I'm afraid your need to check her feelings it's your mind fooling you, saying there is nothing wrong with that and that it will deliver closure when in fact it might make it harder and even more complicated, specially if she is into you.

 

I simpathyse with your struggle, but you have to make up your mind, it will make your life a bit easier. If you wan't to go through the road we are warning as dangerous and painful it's your decision, if not the best is to stay put, bite the pillow.

 

If mantaining the relationship with her is too much for you to handle you can always play it clean, but you have to be 100% sure you won't fall to the "dark side" (the question is: who is 100% sure of such thing in this kind of situation?) and talk with her, admit that her presense and closeness creates a problem to you and that you need to get away for the sake of you both. The danger is that such admission of weakness might sound "sweet" enough to have her make your life even harder. It all depends on her moral stands.

[JadedStar]

A lot of people have been on both receiving ends of this, I know you like to think this girl is unique, but she is a dime a dozen. I know that our telling you she is not worth your time won't do much if your mind is made up, but I'd be remiss to not advise it anyway. SHe is not worth your time.

[surfjon]

Dude...........

Let her play with someone else.

[wester]

I'm going to let this go. I'm going to resign myself to seeing her every day and knowing I can't have her. It's the "right" thing to do, right? I just hope my heart and mind will forget about her soon and give me some peace. i know pain fades with time, but the fact that we work together makes it hard to believe that I can just move on, even though I know i have to. I've done a good job so far of limiting contact with her. i just hope i don't see her after work someday, get drunk, and then have some sort of contact with her that will get all sorts of crazy ideas spinning in my head.

 

I've got to work on controlling my feelings and emotions more. I always thought i was pretty levelheaded. this situation has made me see how carried away i can get. It's scary to know that emotions can just well up to the point where you don't know up from down, and you're ready to plunge into a a dangerous situation that has no positive side to it. I just hope that one day i can be as lucky as this girl's husband is.

[crosstownTraffic]

Dude, it sounds like you dont have a GF of your own. If you did, you would not be harboring these ideas and feelings about a woman who's clearly taken.

Seriously.. going after a married woman... is never very smart. sure it might work out for the both of you in the best case scenario.. but what about her poor husband...

Do you really want to be the "other guy" who's cheating with someone's wife? Sounds like something out of the new TV series, Madmen.

I have a friend who's affair with a married woman just ended.. I know he's torn up about it, but I'm secretly glad it's over, because I was rather scared from him... if the husband ever found out.. know what what he would do!

Please, don't bring this karma on yourself.. even if you join all the sordid dating sites on the planet, it's got to be better karma than this scenario you are talking about.

And a married woman who sits on the lap of a single co-worker's lap whose male! She doesn't realize what she's doing??? oh, please.... you are living in the land of da Nile if you think that. She knew EXACTLY what she was doing. The poster who wrote she's a predator is exactly right. She KNOWS, believe me.

Problem is.... her actions are now affecting your workplace right, and that in itself is not really very fair.

So.. say, you start an affair with her.. what do you think your co-workers are going to say, or how they will react. You dont' want this to ruin your career either.

Please find someone available and SINGLE! There are so many pretty, intelligent, wonderful SINGLE women out there who would kill to find a good looking, hard working decent guy it's not to be believed.

She knows what she's doing, trust me, some women are extremely cunning. It sounds like she's that kind of woman, you just cannot see it cuz of the situation you find yourself in.