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Help for an On Again Off Again Relationship...?


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As I read the posts, I see how similar breakups can be because basically the same thing that happened to you guys happened to me. I met a guy my senior year of hs...we continued to date, and he broke up with me 3 days before our 2 year anniversary. He didn't actually break up with me but he broke off our engagement, and said that he needed to think about things. I even asked him if we were breaking up and he said no...anyways I came home a week or two later and found another girl there. I was devastated not only because he was my first love but he was like my only bf. Anyways we got back together after he and that girl broke up, but there were trust issues. We played the on again off again relationship, because for some reason he just wasn't happy anymore, and all the times were the same. He'd tell me he's need space and within two days he would be with someone else. For some reason though he just couldn't let me go. Somehow, someway, we would always end up back together. Well back to the present...about 2 or 3 weeks ago he and I broke up again. I could see that he wasn't happy and I agreed to let him have his "space" little to my knowledge he'd already met another girl and even started seeing her while we were still broken up. That hurt, just because he didn't have to lie about it which he did. Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't the perfect gf, I mean there we sometimes I'd lie to him about stupid things and I would always want to spend time with him, but I expected he wanted that also, boy was I wrong. Finally I realized that he and I had to stop playing this game and I told him to leave me alone...I got my number changed and everything...well he constantly leaves me offline messages telling me that he misses me, and that it hurts him that we don't work out because his heart says that he loves me but his head knows the best thing for us to do is not be together. Anyway, so he's telling me all this and he's seeing this other girl. In a recent event, he told me to move on, then asked me about hanging out with him, which inevitably leads to one thing. . I am so confused, I know if he's asking me to leave him alone, it should be COMPLETELY, but for some reason he has to keep talking to me...when I try not to talk to him he finds a way to talk to me....help!

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I don't really know if I believe that or not. I've set my ex free like 3 times now, only for him to come back, try to make things work, and leave again. Then I think to myself that I didn't give it enough time. They say time heals all wounds, maybe that's true or maybe not, I dunno. Needherback...as for you, yeah you sound like you're in my situation. As with me and my ex, I think you should leave your ex alone too. Nothing good can come of just sleeping with them, believe me I know. I always feel like such a bad person because I could inevidably be breaking up their relationship, and I would be a real bitch if I did that. Also, I mean at the end of the day all it is just sex. I hate to admit that, even to myself, but if your ex is with someone else, that means that for some reason they don't want to be completely with you. I think this knowledge is what hurts me the most....I love my ex, don't want to see him unhappy, but I need to do what's good for me too...

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I had the same situation with my ex girlfriend. She would want space and I would give it to her only for her to come back after a few weeks. From what I can make out in your message, your ex is checking if the grass is greener on the otherside and he "legitimises" it by breaking up with you. When that relationship does not work out comes running back. It could be that you are a safety net......If he doesnt have someone at the moment he will be with you. You need to consider your happiness. If he cant make up his mind then you may need to cut him loose otheriwse you may be in for some serious heartache one day. Hope this helps.

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Hi hollyhoney!

You silly gilr,this situaiton will drain you eventually. CAN'T you see that your BF is a jerk? Tell him that you don't do recycle job! Please have self value of yourself!

 

It is true that Love can make people blind! Sigh ~

 

OPEN YOUR EYES!

 

Very meanlady

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Honey!

It is extremely hard not only for you! but you have to believe in yourself, the first step is totally cut off, without any contact with him. Ask yourself, are you able to do that?

 

I read a lot of books, it helps myslef, (" Language of letting go" by Melody Beattie) Healing and recovery can be a painful journey but so many peope have been there and they are successful and become a stonger person. And you can do it too. It is very rewarding after you heart is healed.

 

We have to value ourselves, we know we always deserve the best , we deserve the love that we need. We have strong self-esteem and we do not allow other peopel to manipulate us, abuse us mentally or in any way.

 

We have beautiful hearts, that is good enough

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cut off all contact

my on again/off again situation went on for years!!!

these people want to have their cake and eat it too...they are NOT consistent...one day they want you, the next day they want 'space'

If you want a stable relationship, you will NOT get that with this guy!

 

no contact is really, really, really hard...especially at first

 

I journal everytime I want to talk to my ex...that helps a great deal

 

posting here, reading posts, that helps tremendously

 

letting go is super hard...but how much longer can you let this go on?

 

imagine if in five years you are still on again/off again...what will you have missed out on?

 

I know it's hard when you love someone...but you HAVE to love yourself too!

 

Look, this guy is being totally selfish...and it is hurting you...does he even realize that???

 

You deserve better! Just keep telling yourself that you deserve better!

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