Girls gone wild....

[ewd]

My bf/fiancé has huge collection on porno's and everything else in-between. He doesn't hang out at strip clubs, but we both work in the 'entertainment' industry of designing flyers and working with music artists -so dealing with pictures of slutty b*tches around the house is a part of every day life. I love him, but I don't hate the environment we live in. He knows how much it bothers me - but I don't think he cares enough to change any of it. To him I'm just insecure and he says I just need to get over it.

Now to top it off, he's starting to promote a rap group that glorifies rape and degrading women etc. etc. It's not your average rap group,,,, and to top if off, he wants me to help him. While I sit a booth watching over his stuff and he takes pictures/video of the band and girls gone wild.

I can't take it anymore. It sucks because I love him so much and I don't want to give up on us because of my insecurities,,,, but at the same time I feel like there's a lack of respect. - and he says it's me who doesn't respect him.

What should I do??? Is it all me???

I feel like I should either jump the boat or stay on this bumpy ride.

And were suppose to get married next year.

Does anyone have any advice?

[materia_goddess]

i can understand that you love this guy, but right now all i see is a boyfriend who isnt acting like one! he's not respecting you alright! and i think he knows it!!! im not certain of everything in this relationship, but he might be coasting over you, thinking he is the man, and as such, is leader of the house. he isnt treating you like you should be treated. if something upsets you, he should realise this and be dedicated enough and love you enough to change it!

 

honey, everyone is a little insecure. its what makes us human. what you are worrying about is completely understandable, and giving this guy the heave-hoe will knock some sense into his ignorant nature!

 

it is obvious this guy doesnt respect woman, as evident with this band you speak of, AND how he is treating you! you should get this guy seated, and make sure he knows YOUR in charge! talk to him, firmly! say exacally what needs to be said. say you want changes! say you want respect! say you want the exact same treatment you are giving him!

 

babe, if he doesnt respect your needs, then dont respect his! lifes too great to waste on people like him!

 

sorry if im getting a little carried away, but from how it sounds, this guy needs a HUGE wake up call!

 

but dont go by my advice if you dont want to. i understand love is a powerful thing. but RESPECT is key, without this there can be no love!

so knock some respect into this guy!

 

goodluck, i'll be baracking for you!

[lauralied]

It sounds like he doesn't respect you, if anything.

 

Never marry someone when you have doubts, because those aspects you disliked will only grow worse, not better. Some people are able to separate their job/professional life from their personal one. Others have no other option. But it sounds like you two are immersed in your career together. I would get out of that job. And as far as his involvement, it would be a hard sell to get him to stop, and maybe even to avoid dealing with certain more offensive music groups. But I think you guys need to open up a new line of communication that is not boggled with criticisms and resentment and refusal to make change. You both need to find a way to communicate to each other your concerns and worries in a way that is not perceived as an attack to the other.

 

I agree that what he does for a living is kind of an uncomfortable situation. But it is all about trust AND a positive perception. Every woman and man in a relationship goes into the world and sees attractive people of the opposite sex, regardless of job. It's part of the daily grind of living. This is fine in some relationships because both members trust each other, respect each other, etc. It's hard to trust if the other person makes you feel like they don't deserve it. Does he deserve your trust? Has he ever done things to make you question his loyalty? If not, maybe you are overreacting, and I say MAYBE. If it is hard to trust him, why? Communicate to him in a non-attacking or nagging way HOW he does things that could hurt the relationship. It's difficult to accept your boyfriend being bombarded with images of attractive women if he doesn't make you feel particularly attractive yourself. Is this a problem? Does he reassure you that he wants you and finds you sexy/attractive? If not, talk to him about that. I've found that with men, you get through to them better if you don't phrase questions so much with "I feel like." Guys don't process emotional words as well as we think they should. They seem to understand when you say things more directly, like, "It disappointed me when you started to promote that rap group Because. . .and how can we make this work well for both of us?" Just like you can't hem and haw and say "I wish you'd talk to me about how you're feeling" you've gotta say it like "I need for you to explain why you did X" etc.

 

Anyway, good luck. I think you guys need to listen to each other. Most people are not as selfish as they come off when there is a disagreement. It's usually just that one person feels they are not being heard in some way or another and choose to close off further comment from the other person. It's not that they don't care, but they don't feel heard out themselves.

[Color-Is-Blue]

You gotta stand and fight for what you believe in, You

have your own voice make sure that it's noticed and heard.

If you keep suppresing it you are just goin to feel bitter in

the end and you just might end up hating and blaming

your boyfriend for the way you feel.GOODLUCK!!