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How Do You Fall Out Of Love....


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There is no magic pill to make love go away. It takes time, time and more time. Finding someone else helps the most, but that's hard to do if your heart belongs to someone else. Open yourself up to new people and new experiences. Unfortunately, sometimes we never fall out of love with a particular person. That doesn't mean we can't fall in love with someone else and it certainly doesn't mean we can't live a happy and fulfilled life. It just means that the person forever holds a special place in your heart. I know there is nothing worse than love that is not returned but I promise, it will get better.

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The problem is that if it really is love, then its never going to go away. Love never fails! If it fails, then it was never really love to begin with. All you can do is to try and learn to live your life without being able to express that love. I'm sorry life has to be the way it is, but that's how things work. It makes me sick that I can't express my love to the one that I love, but I have to respect her decision. I'm afraid that you'll have to do the same unless you get back together.

 

I'm sorry

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I have not read the other replies but I can tell you that there is no sure fire way to do this. It just takes time just like falling in love. There is no way of knowing how to fall in love or out of love with someone. The other advice I give you is that eventually you will be okay. It takes time just all all matters of the heart. I wish you look and strength to get through this.

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you have to realise it will not work no matter what , you have to hit bottom (meaning the most derpessed u have ever been because of him ) you may have already done this so skip that "it only gets worse before better" but most of all it takes strength , it will probly be the hardest thing you've gone through (was for me) but meeting new people is great idea and listingin to diferent music then u did while u 2 were going out , if you have any questions plz feel free to e-mail me (m79guy@link removed)

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You are not in an easy position.

 

I've found that there are basically 3 stages we go through when breaking up.

 

1. Withdrawal

2. Self-evaluation/reassessment and readjustment

3. Moving on

 

I'll touch briefly on each point.

 

1. Withdrawal: Implies a dependancy on something/someone. This is a natural reaction to anything we've learned to rely on to give our lives a sense that things are normal. Some people use alcohol. Some people use drugs. Some people use people. While it is positive to rely on people, as opposed to alcohol/drugs, we have to be careful that our level of neediness does not become a co-dependant or obsessive. Breaking up is NOT EASY. It's hard. It involves people. However, you are not over "withdrawal" since December - thereforeeee, the second step is of prime importance to you. Please understand, I am not in any way trying to minimize the importance of someone to you, we all deal with loss in different ways - but you can cause yourself so much unnecessary pain that your life begins to deteriorate - your whole being will suffer. You may go through extreme weight loss or gain, your emotions take a toll, - you may become a walking zombie. It is time you asked - who is there for YOU?

 

2. Self-evaluation/reassessment and readjustment: Who is there for you? It is essential that you are there for yourself first. A relationship that is unrewarding and unsatisfying will benefit no one. Becoming a martyr or loving someone unrealistically is not romantic and does nothing for the cause of love in the whole realm of things.

 

Think about it: When you get into a new relationship, what do you think about? You think about how good this person makes you feel. You think about how your needs are met. You come first. Keep it up.

 

The first and most important decision you will make is putting yourself first. While some people will talk about sacrifice and putting others first, these concepts do not exclude the idea that YOU COME FIRST. A rewarding love life will find you feeling that you are beautiful, loveable, important and special - basically you must end up feeling good about yourself. Finding a healthy and wholesome balance in your life and knowing who you are, what your needs are, and how to meet those needs is essential in finding relief. There is truth in the song "Learning to love yourself is the greatest love of all."

 

Part of this reassessment may find yourself realizing that someone left you for the right reasons. Maybe you wronged your partner. In a healthy relationship, communication will take precedence, and you will work things out. If your partner was unwilling to work things out, use this as a learning experience. A learning experience is not one that finds you judged or punished, but one that finds you stronger and better able to face challenges. Do you really want to be back in a relationship that does not allow you to move forward, to deal with issues, to face challenges with determination and a new eagerness? Finding yourself here may also point to the fact that you are not ready for a relationship - that you need to do a lot of soul-searching and re-building. Remember, you can be your best friend at this point. Love yourself. "God helps those who help themselves." This may mean dealing with guilt, but even that can be changed into something positive when you are prepared to make a positive change with your life. Guilt becomes just one of the hurdles that you use to make your life stronger and more meaningful.

 

I've found that one way of dealing with myself honestly is to "step outside of myself." Imagine that for the last year, someone was following you around, and you didn't know it. Ask this "person" to give you an honest assessment of who you are, and what you should change. If you took a lot of crap, this person would say, "Why do you take all that crap? Stand up for yourself. Respect yourself." This is where you can be your own best friend. Learn to look at yourself from the outside, think about how others truthfully see you. I actually walked around for a long time saying over and over "Respect yourself." It helped a lot. You deserve respect.

 

3. Moving on: Sometimes when people ask themselves or others "how to fall out of love" they will say, "think of all the negative stuff that was there." Every relationship has some positive stuff in it. I don't think you should turn your back on that. While your previous partner may be very special, they are probably not worth your pursuing if they cannot see you eye to eye in your determination and desire to set things right. Ask yourself what your needs are. Take a bold step forward and meet those needs. I've seen that over and over again here at enotalone - when you are ready to assert yourself and put yourself first, it brings a whole new perspective to life and relationships. You may and probably WILL shock your partner when you are prepared to take these wholesome steps. This is the only way to bring healing to your life. You can't keep being down. You've got to at some point decide that you will not let things keep you down. You don't deserve that, and no one is important enough to be putting YOU in those shoes.

 

I've re-read this and feel like I was preaching...I don't mean to come accross that way. But please don't be so down on yourself. Respect yourself.

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