Opinions appreciated. What do you think? Should I?

[jul-els]

Hello,

Some friends of mine are having an annual party in about a month and a half. My girlfriend and I have been invited and I accepted. I am having some trepadation about the situation. Here's why:

 

One of the people at the party will be someone who I dated exclusively for about a year. She turned out to be an emotionally disturbed person who was verbally abusive towards me, and towards the end of my time with her, I caught her lying and cheating on me. As soon as I found out about it, I walked away completely. At the time, the experience affected me very deeply and did indeed leave me scarred. She had some very deep seated issues. On one hand, she could be one of the most loving people you could ever hope to know and then all of a sudden and out of the blue, she would turn on a dime, and would fly into extreme fits of rage, characterized by strong verbal berrating. These fits would occur without reason and without warning. She had a very severe drinking problem resulting in blackouts.

 

When I broke it off, I did so via snail mail. Totally not my style, or is it something I would ever do under ordinary circumstances but this situation was not ordinary. I felt really bad about it at the time because I did have feelings for her. I also knew, and still do, that because of the way that she chose to treat me that I never wanted her in my life in any regard and do not wish to come into contact with her again in any manner whatsoever.

 

So, up until now, any time this mutual friend has had a party, I have either declined, or shown up if I knew for sure that this other person wouldn't be there.

 

My girlfriend knows this whole story and she has told me she thinks I should just go to the party if I want to and not let what happened in the past affect my actions now and that by not going I'm letting my fear of the past have power over me.

 

Part of me thinks she's right, and the other part of me dreads the idea of running accross this person in any context. She's someone who I would be very happy to have fall off the face of my world completely and permanently.

 

I guess I am probably making too big a deal of this. I should probably just go, my girlfriend wants to go, she knows and likes the people who are having the party and if all goes well this other person will not approach me, and I can manage to avoid her and have a good time in spite of the situation. It's been two and half years since I closed that ugly chapter but it is one that I want to remain permanently closed, sealed up and thrown into the incinerator.

 

On one hand, I feel that by going I'm flirting with a bad time that I have no interest in. On the other hand, I feel like maybe I'm just overreacting and that by going I'll see that I can just go and have a good time and it's really no big deal after all, just water under the bridge. I'd like to think that the latter is the reality, and maybe it is. It's just as probable an outcome as any, I suppose. Fk'n skeletons. Any thoughts? Thank you.

[Blue Skittles]

You've given yourself a lot of time to heal and get over this situation. I can understand your concern and seeing her might bring up bad memories. However, I still think you should go to the party. Let your girlfriend know you are concerned and you will try going but if it feels awkward or you are not having a good time you will leave. If you have to leave because you are having bad feelings then do it. Tell people you have another party to go to or something. lol. I'm sure it will be fine though. Have fun!

[capbit]

It sounds like you're not ready to be around her. Going to the party would be a big move for you to face your fears, however if she is there, I doubt you'll have a good time. I say, go to the party, not just for you but also your girlfriend.

[bulletproof]

I say, go to the party, because you can always leave. At least give it a try, though. It doesn't even have to be an uncomfortable departure if you decide not to stay. You could just make an appearance and gauge how you feel.

 

She may very well be over this by now, and if she isn't, you don't have to play into it. Just be pleasant and polite and limit your contact with her.

[segagirl]

Go, live your life...as noted you can always leave!! (And I love the word trepidation)