When to Quit

[debsea]

Ok I know i've posted before but I live in hope that I will work this out without hurting my bf or me, and that I do the right thing.

 

My bf is not sociable and is quite content at home, I couldn't be more the opposite if I tried. He is dependable, considerate and makes me laugh (sometimes), but doesn't want to have fun the way I do. He doesn't even take me down the pub, and we never go out to eat or anything, and he has no interest in being part of my family.

 

He doesn't come round to mine (1 mile away) there's always a reason yet he's quite happy for me to go to his. And if we go on holiday for a week (the only thing he will do) hes more than happy to be with me 24/7.

 

He has been to three to social things with me in three years, and I've never been to any with him because the only ones hes been to are work. And he doesn't mix work and home.

 

I only see him every other weekend for any length of time, when I go there.

 

Hes not tactile, and whilst I'm not a needy person when I haven't seen him for a week a big hug and kiss would feel good.

 

Well we had all this out the other night in a very matter of fact manner (although I was crying), because I can't see the relationship moving forward because we are so different, but it upsets me to think of losing him from my life. (and given his way with friends I'm sure that would happen)

 

He said well if we split up you'll be more alone so whats the point of that and there is truth in that. But then it means I'm stuck and worry that I'm only staying with him to fill the lonely times. And thats not fair because he doesn't deserve it.

 

Every time I think right I'll do it, then I go round in circles thinking why do it and lose the only person I've got, etc etc.

 

I thought that when I told him how I felt (and I have tried before), he'd say we should end it but he didn't. I think he wants me in his life but on his terms.

 

I don't know how to either find the resolve to end it, or whether I should let it drift on or what.

 

Not sure what I expect anybody to say other than I should do whats right and thats probably to split up but its easier said than done if you still care about the other person.

 

Well thanks for listening.

[darkpumpkin]

The problem is by being with him are you preventing yourself from meeting someone who would want to interact more in your life and pay more attention to your needs. True you will be alone but will you be happier (after a period of time) Could you become content to doing your own thing, of course. The worst thing is to hang on to someone out of loneliness, even when over all they are nice guy and you enjoy being with them....which from your thread it sounds that you are not quite enjoying it as much as you once did.

[prizmpyxis]

Hi Debsea,

 

One thing that I learned the hard way is that you CAN'T change anyone...you can only change yourself. This being said, I think you know what the right decision is.

Your boyfriend will never be who you want him to be, which is someone who will go out with you, show you affection, and be sociable. I dated a guy who was the same way...in fact he wouldn't even hold my hand in public. If I leaned my head on his shoulder, he would get mad at me. That's not something that I want in a boyfriend, I know that I am an affectionate person and that just doesn't work for me. I think that the same thing applies to this situation. You are never going to be a stay at home type of person if you like to go out and have fun. You also can't expect your boyfriend to be sociable if it's not in his personality.

I don't think that this is the right guy for you at all. I know that you care about him and want him in your life, so make it a clean breakup and pursue a friendship instead. If you are lonely, hang out with your friends/family and date other men! There are plenty of guys out there for you, who will be sociable and who are more suitable for your needs.