i still love my ex wife...what do i do is it jealousy ?????

[needtotalk]

we have been apart for awhile now but i still love her with all my heart. she has a boyfriend and i know i am jealous but thats normal. i have dated but cannot find anyone who gets me going like she does. i have written notes to her but not for awhile to let her know i want and need her back. i was never mean to her, just bad communicating and not telling her things i felt inside. i guess most men are like that huh?? but i am a different person now then i was. i am a better person and i know i can make her happy if i can just get her to spend time with me. i had to become a better person. things that i thought were important to me no longer are. losing her was the hardest lesson i have ever faced and i cannot be without her. no i am not talking suicide, but how do i get her to spend some time with me. i can tell her i changed, but i think she needs to see i have matured and am a better more open person because of therapy etc. it helped tremendously. and i only want to open up to her, and well people here but we will never meet. i know she does not feel the same for me, but i believe in my heart that i can win her heart back if i had a chance. what is a guy to do?? if your advice is move on, been there, done that, tried...she is in my soul forever.

[sabena]

When we break up with someone and change it is very difficult to convey this to your partner. Your ex has moved on and has a boyfriend. You have tried to contact her and to no avail. I think you have to realise that she may not want to come back and that she may have moved on so much that she is in a happy place where she is now.

 

If you love her so much you have to let her go and lead her own life. You can as a last resort write one more hand written letter to her explaining about the mistakes that you did, the therapy that you have had, how you have changed, what plans you have for the future and wait for her reply. If she does not reply you have to let her go because for your own progression through this relationship and into the next you have to let go.

 

Take all of the good things that you have learnt from this and give it to your next girlfriend, because there will be one...you are just not quite ready yet.

 

Take care

[surfdog]

I think you should try some more, I'm in the exact same situation (I thing my ex g/f is still single...4yrs together). I went to therapy and all that too. I know how it is. Try starting out as friends, se each other once every two weeks, build slowly (if she won't see you, then try to convince her to see you just to take a walk or go for coffee or something low key and slowly build. ( i was doing this with my ex until I put my foot in my mouth and she wanted to go home...two weeks ago and haven't had contact since....ahhhhh!) I've changed to and I know I can make her happy...just stay positive, BUT, you have to realize that you can't spend your whole life trying to get her back (I know that hurts)...My advise is go slow and build and don't fu@k up like I did. We need to show them how much better we are now...the best. Whatever you do, don't call all the time, they will run....good luck

[needtotalk]

thanks for the advice, but its hard to let her go. i like the idea of taking a walk etc, but its getting her to agree which will be almost impossible. i know if she does, she will see changes. i also know she is not with the guy that long and there are some issues. all i want to do is spend time with her a little at a time. i know i can make her happy because i know what went wrong. anyway, thanks for the help. i will strongly consider things you both said.

[sisterlynch]

It is a tough thing to loose someone important to us, it is normal to go through many stages of grief when thinking about how things could have been. You are changing and that is good, it will do you well in the future when you are free with your heart and your ideas and you are able to communicate openly and from the heart.

 

If you are serious about getting in touch with her again then do so. If you were never mean, then it should be ok to see her again. Tell her you would appreciate some time together and that you will like to stay in touch with her. You need to realize that she may not have open arms for you to return to her, but stick with it: it may require a little patience on her part.

 

If you have truly changed and she had asked for you to change, then she must appreciate the effort that you are willing work with yourself. Sometimes when we make changes we see our changes more from the inside than from the outside; the other thing to keep in mind is that she is part of the problem that you had in the first place-- so if you go to her and say you have changed and she says I can't see any differences, you may have to redate her for a while to let her see the new you coming through.

 

Stick with it, it will get easier once you get used to the changes!